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I'm filing today

Old 12-27-2007, 10:27 AM
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I'm filing today

I gave the divorce forms and filing fee check to my attorney this am (he probably won't get served until late next week). The lease is up on one our vehicles soon so I picked out a new one in my name only and will be picking it up and turning the other one in tomorrow probably (AH does not know). I also didn't tell him about my year end bonus and put the check in my own account so I have have plenty of cash. Now I just have to make sure that all of MY bill auto pays are moved to my own checking account (he will get to pay his own bills now, a new experience for him).


Again this am I had to listen to "I don't understand why you are doing this to me" and of course the A mantra "I haven't done anything wrong!" the finale was "but I haven't had a meltdown in two weeks!" (perhaps he would like a cookie for that?)

This is not going to be fun at all but hopefully it will be over soon (once he moves out I can deal with the rest without too much stress).
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Old 12-27-2007, 10:40 AM
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{hugs}
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Old 12-27-2007, 10:43 AM
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No, it's not fun, but with each small step, things do get better. There is much peace to be found in finally making the decisions that are right for me.


((()))
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Old 12-27-2007, 10:44 AM
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I dont know which is harder.... Making the decision or Following Through on it.

Remember to be gentle with yourself during this time, no matter how much I know I have made good choices about endings.... it still hurts and you still have the process but always give yourself the time and tender loving care you deserve.

It gets better every single day.... I promise that.
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Old 12-27-2007, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Cynay View Post
:no matter how much I know I have made good choices about endings.... it still hurts
Amen to that! I was watching the movie Hope Floats the other day -- at the end Sandra Bullock's character says something about liking the "middle" part of relationships -- because the endings are sad and the beginnings are scary. Even if the ending was our choice, it is still sad.

And, Hadenough, I am following right behind you to the lawyer's office. I am going to finally finish the paperwork by the end of this weekend and get the ball rolling next week. I am expecting the same reaction from my AH -- "I didn't do anything wrong!"
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Old 12-27-2007, 03:57 PM
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Never got the choice...

My AH bailed on me with his suicide...leaving pain behind for all of us. Better you do what you need to do now...I am thinking you will have to deal with "the end" in one way or the other. I am so sorry, and I know it hurts but you still have a choice. I might have made the same one as time went by, but I will never know, nor did I get the chance.

Hugs and love,
s
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Old 12-27-2007, 04:13 PM
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it's no fun, ending something, that at one time you were trying to find some happiness... but just around the corner (I thought) has to be better than this... AND It Is

On the evening news they said that since the 80's, there has been a 40% increase on people living on their own, esp when they got older... I bet most of that is older women, that instead of staying in a crappy relationship, like back in pre 60's - they realized that it's not too bad, by yourself.

If you're not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
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Old 12-27-2007, 04:48 PM
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Hey there: I'm going to "sneak" this post in here just to tell you that I'm thinking of you and can completely relate today. I, too, went to file today and can hardly believe it. I'm waiting a day or two to post my own thread; just too ripped up about it all and would rather read than write tonight. There seems to be a huge influx of new people posting as well - - so sad. I'm sad. For you, me, everything. So many changes ahead for us, yes?

I wish you all the best. I've been following your posts since I "got here" back in October and I hope this becomes a turning point in your life that brings you peace, serenity, or whatever it is you're looking for. Take care, and look for me when I finally get the guts to post. There really should be a "I Just Filed" forum...
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Old 12-27-2007, 07:10 PM
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At least you;re smart and making sure you don't get taken advantage of.
I planned ahead too, as much as I could.
Things will be rocky emotionally for a little while, then the peace that comes is amazing!
I left mine 2 years ago. And, I must say, I could never go back to that chaos again. I like my peace too much.
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Old 12-27-2007, 07:15 PM
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HadEnough and DetachMe9, I wish you both the best as you begin your new lives. I'm sorry for your pain, but I'm excited for you, too, because life got so much better for me once I journeyed out on my own.
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Old 12-27-2007, 07:23 PM
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Hadenough, you sound like I did 2years ago, it is such a tough thing to do, move on. But the pain subsides when your new life starts. Hang in there and my prayers are with you
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Old 12-28-2007, 01:05 AM
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Originally Posted by chrisea View Post
it's no fun, ending something, that at one time you were trying to find some happiness... but just around the corner (I thought) has to be better than this... AND It Is

On the evening news they said that since the 80's, there has been a 40% increase on people living on their own, esp when they got older... I bet most of that is older women, that instead of staying in a crappy relationship, like back in pre 60's - they realized that it's not too bad, by yourself.

If you're not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
I was lonely sometimes, but I was at peace by myself. Every morning when I woke up alone, I didn't regret being alone. I was actually glad... It just got hard on weekend nights sometimes. I have to remember that I was okay on my own and can be again.
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Old 12-28-2007, 03:45 AM
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After reading many posts, I see so many others sitautions are far more worse than mine and I feel so sad for them but also see myself in another 5-10 years unless I do something now. I often wonder how people "put Up" with certain behaviors from spouses, then all of a sudden you realize you are one of those people putting up with these things. How all of you must have felt for so many years is so sad. I'm just sorry that there has to be addictions, its so hard to understand.
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Old 12-28-2007, 05:16 AM
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So many posts are sad to me. Now when I look back on my relationship with my husband, I see one thing that is different. While my family has always been the most important thing in my life, I also allowed myself to be a complete person. I never allowed my husband to be my identity --- I did come close to allowing my children to be my identity, but snapped out of that quick when they went away to college. The bad thing is, my husband/my best friend is dead; the good thing is, I will make it because I am not searching for an identity. I have always had my own. I will never let anyone take that away from me. If I have one piece of advice for young women, it is to be whole -- all by yourself, then whatever comes along, you are stronger and you are an entity unto yourself.
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Old 12-28-2007, 06:00 AM
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Originally Posted by by myself again View Post
I see so many others sitautions are far more worse than mine and I feel so sad for them but also see myself in another 5-10 years unless I do something now.
My fervent hope is no one puts in the years I did. It's complicated because, yes, there are many good times; yet the years slip by.

I also think it's important to have one's own identity. I had mine for 34 years. Then I married an alcoholic. I held out pretty long, but the last few of the 15 year marriage, I lost myself. I think that one ounce I had left saw me through to get help.

((()))
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Old 12-28-2007, 06:57 AM
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NowIn mentioned Hope Floats...well that has to be one quote I have always loved! It is so true to its words... (I have had that in my profile for a few years!)

Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too...

I'm happy for you.....Cynay stated
I dont know which is harder.... Making the decision or Following Through on it.
I would have to agree with this! I do know however that today I follow through with many of the decision that I make and although there maybe pain involved.....I "give hope a chance to float up and" it does!

Hang in there you are not alone and will get through this! Just think how far you have come to make the decision! You are half way there.........to happier wonderful new life!
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Old 12-28-2007, 08:15 AM
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I am sooooooooo proud of you! You will soar! Each day is a new beginning....you will find peace in the little things...biggest hugs!!
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Old 12-28-2007, 08:27 AM
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Originally Posted by nowinsituation View Post
Amen to that! I was watching the movie Hope Floats the other day -- at the end Sandra Bullock's character says something about liking the "middle" part of relationships -- because the endings are sad and the beginnings are scary. Even if the ending was our choice, it is still sad.

And, Hadenough, I am following right behind you to the lawyer's office. I am going to finally finish the paperwork by the end of this weekend and get the ball rolling next week. I am expecting the same reaction from my AH -- "I didn't do anything wrong!"

GREAT STUFF
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Old 12-28-2007, 08:29 AM
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while i still lived with my aw i trued to get a separate car insurance policy for her, but the company said they couldn't do it cause we live together. i was worried about being sued by loved ones of the maned and/or dead, LOL
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Old 12-28-2007, 08:59 AM
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hadenoughnow, I am right behind you. Scared. I have the paperwork to sit down and go through. I have been following you through this and finding comfort in knowing I/we are not alone. I am thinking about you today. Stay strong (((((hugs)))))
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