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Hi I am new, I Spent christmas with just my kids because my husband snapped.

Old 12-26-2007, 10:30 AM
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Hi I am new, I Spent christmas with just my kids because my husband snapped.

My husband and I have been married 5 years and together 8. We have 4 children 2 are ours and the other 2 are ours from his previous marriage. We have been on a roller coaster ride for years. He has done some pretty rotten things and I have put up with it for the sake of the family. It wasn't until I read some of these posts this morning that I realized how much the drinking and drugs played a roll.
Last wednesday when my husband got home from drinking, I had note on the bedroom door asking him to sleep elsewhere. I didn't want to fight when he was drunk. So he broke the door open threw a coffe mug at me and started beating me up.He said, "Why do you always do this to me?". My (step)kids called 911, and he went to jail. Now he cannot speak to me until this is all over.
Rumor has it he is sober now, and planning to stay that way.
So now I am trying to figure out what I want.
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Old 12-26-2007, 10:35 AM
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Welcome to SR.... Im pleased to meet you.

Ouch... that is a snap and so sad that the children had to be a witness. I pray for your husband it is his bottom and he gets the help he needs....

But today he is not your concern as much as the children and youself. That must have been pretty hard on you guys. Living with an Active Alcoholic can rip you apart in the best of times let alone under those conditions.... have you considered Al-anon and getting the children some help?

Keep posting, I know right now it hurts and your life probably feels torn in shreds but you dont have to do it alone, we have all been there one way or another.
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Old 12-26-2007, 10:39 AM
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Welcome to SR! So glad that you found us
Please keep posting and as you know from reading other posts you are not alone in this.

I sure do hope and pray for you and the kids that this is the bottom for your husband-Cynay suggested Al-Anon or even counseling-for yourself. It did me wonders as I too was a victim of my XABF "Snapping" and it was not a good thing. The choice is yours ..please take good care of you and those children-
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Old 12-26-2007, 10:44 AM
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Thank you, I am planning al-anon, for all of us. Except i am not sure about the 3 year old and one year old. We are also now going to church, and I am looking into counseling. My teenagers got on a plane today to see their other mom and will be gone for a week or so.
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Old 12-26-2007, 10:48 AM
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I am sorry you are going thru this. I'm glad you are going to et the help you need. You and your children have to be your first concern. I wish you luck as you go thru this. Firguring out what you want and need, what you children need sounds like the right focus.
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Old 12-26-2007, 11:00 AM
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Al-anon is geared for Adults not children.... Teenagers have Al-Teen but there is nothing for the little ones....

Therapy did me a world of good, in fact I would have to say it saved my life at one point. The bottom line is nothing changes until your ready to change it hon. Even if he does get help for his Alcoholism.... there is still his anger issues to deal with and living a life of recovery is not an easy task either.

One thing I can be grateful for you in your situation is .... Thank God he did not snap on one of the children. Take your time now that you are not in the thick of things... and really figure out what/how you want not only your life but also the childrens lives to look like.
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Old 12-26-2007, 11:12 AM
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Your right

Who knows what he is capable of? I wanted to say he would never hurt our children, but last week I would have sworn he wouldn't hurt me.
He says I can have the house and the children. So I have decided to start living for myself today. I can't worry about what will happen, I have to worry about what is happening. If chooses to clean up, it is going to be all time before I can ever trust him again.
But I can't worry about that either.
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Old 12-26-2007, 11:20 AM
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I can't worry about what will happen, I have to worry about what is happening.
Beautifully put.... you have no idea how long it takes some people to get this....

Took me forever.
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Old 12-26-2007, 11:29 AM
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It is so hard for me.

I am a planner, I plan everything. Gosh I have 4 kids I have to. I'm trying.
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Old 12-26-2007, 11:33 AM
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One thing at a time. Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't worry too much at this point about getting the kids into Alateen or therapy. The best thing you can do for them right now is get some level footing. Once you are at a place where you can think straight, then look into programs or counseling available for them. They need at least one sane parent, and you're it.

Hugs to you,

L
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Old 12-26-2007, 11:53 AM
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Originally Posted by butrfli13 View Post
My I have put up with it for the sake of the family.
This is an interesting and much believed idea in codependants and acoa's.

Unfortunately, this is twisted thinking. The worst thing we could ever do is subject ourselves and our children to physical and mental abuse and believe it is for the good of the family. Just imagine what kind of children we create when we allow them to be abused, and to watch their mother being abused.
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Old 12-26-2007, 12:08 PM
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Just for the record, this is the first time anything like this has happened. I would never continually expose my children to physical abuse.
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Old 12-26-2007, 12:43 PM
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Once is enough. It sounds like you are making good choices for yourself and your kids. Good for you. Keep it up and hang around in here. It really is so helpful to share our experiences and get others advice and wisdom.
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Old 12-26-2007, 02:21 PM
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Emotional abuse is unforgiveable and physical abuse is ten-times worse. I am so so upset for you and your children that you are going through this. Please, please do everything you can to protect yourself. ((((HUGS))))
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