Thanks and so long ....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Thanks and so long ....
Well, this will be my last post here at SR. I want to thank all the wonderful people who have helped me along the way. Some of those people have moved on, some are still here. You know who you are.
My reasons for leaving are much like those of members who have left before me. I'm finding that rather than a place of support, SR is becoming a place of judgment. Suddenly the actions of our A's isn't the problem, we are. When my responsibilities, rights, and judgment as a parent are challenged as being controlling and my motives questioned, then I must move on. It seems that the people I looked to for support are now taking on the role my A once filled. Somehow his inappropriate behaviors are being placed on my shoulders. I played victim to him for long enough. He crossed boundaries, he lied, he opted to create drama, and my kids should pay for it.
As to counseling, Both the kids and I have been receiving counseling for some time. My personal counselor has advised that I protect my children from the effects of their father's addiction as much as possible, and with full knowledge of the situation, has suggested I need to take even more control over his interactions with the children, as he doesn't have the ability to use proper judgment in any area of their lives. I leave that sort of judgment to the professionals.
Goodbye, take care. And take a look in the mirror occasionally. You might find other people with control issues to work on.
My reasons for leaving are much like those of members who have left before me. I'm finding that rather than a place of support, SR is becoming a place of judgment. Suddenly the actions of our A's isn't the problem, we are. When my responsibilities, rights, and judgment as a parent are challenged as being controlling and my motives questioned, then I must move on. It seems that the people I looked to for support are now taking on the role my A once filled. Somehow his inappropriate behaviors are being placed on my shoulders. I played victim to him for long enough. He crossed boundaries, he lied, he opted to create drama, and my kids should pay for it.
As to counseling, Both the kids and I have been receiving counseling for some time. My personal counselor has advised that I protect my children from the effects of their father's addiction as much as possible, and with full knowledge of the situation, has suggested I need to take even more control over his interactions with the children, as he doesn't have the ability to use proper judgment in any area of their lives. I leave that sort of judgment to the professionals.
Goodbye, take care. And take a look in the mirror occasionally. You might find other people with control issues to work on.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
i'm sorry to hear that you are having uncomfortable feelings today as a result of what a few people have said to you here.
but, leaving SR because of it?
please reconsider. you have so much to share and contribute to this forum, especially right now, when you are moving through an important part of your own process during difficult times. what you say may be just what someone else needs to hear.
we value you very much.
whatever your choice, may you be led by love in your life.
but, leaving SR because of it?
please reconsider. you have so much to share and contribute to this forum, especially right now, when you are moving through an important part of your own process during difficult times. what you say may be just what someone else needs to hear.
we value you very much.
whatever your choice, may you be led by love in your life.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Miss Communicat said exactly what I was going to say.
We love you, and we'll keep a chair for you if you reconsider.
Love and understanding hugs in this difficult time
Cats
We love you, and we'll keep a chair for you if you reconsider.
Love and understanding hugs in this difficult time
Cats
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Minneapolis, Mn. Minnesota Alligator Controll
Posts: 286
Oh GPJ, get back here, you know every body here knows what their talking about.
And NO one here knows what their talking about. We take what we like and leave the rest, no one wanted to hurt your feelings, and we're all trying to struggle thru this junk together, we need you, and we want you.. So please just take a deep breath.
PS, who took my tiger
And NO one here knows what their talking about. We take what we like and leave the rest, no one wanted to hurt your feelings, and we're all trying to struggle thru this junk together, we need you, and we want you.. So please just take a deep breath.
PS, who took my tiger
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by miss communicat 
i'm sorry to hear that you are having uncomfortable feelings today as a result of what a few people have said to you here.
but, leaving SR because of it?
please reconsider. you have so much to share and contribute to this forum, especially right now, when you are moving through an important part of your own process during difficult times. what you say may be just what someone else needs to here
we value you very much.
whatever your choice, may you be led by love in your life.
but, leaving SR because of it?
please reconsider. you have so much to share and contribute to this forum, especially right now, when you are moving through an important part of your own process during difficult times. what you say may be just what someone else needs to here
we value you very much.
whatever your choice, may you be led by love in your life.
I know that I left one time and I had felt the same as you do now-I had a lot of private messages that came to me-When I was first here I took things sometimes that people shared in a judgemental way now...today I step back if something is bothering me that someone says and realize that they could be right and the reason it is bothering me is because of myself--and well let's just say I need this place as much as they need me-sharing our ESH is a wonderful thing and I do hope that you reconsider-GP
to you
Last edited by Rella927; 12-24-2007 at 08:58 AM.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
One of the things people sometimes have trouble with here is not agreeing with a response to a question.
When you deal with a vast away of people you will get different opinions.
But as a whole most look at things from their experience in dealing with the same like problems.
There are times I don’t care for a opinion, and Lord know my hard line stance has ruffled a few feathers also.
At the end of each Alanon meeting these words are read, “ Take what you like, and leave the rest”
When you deal with a vast away of people you will get different opinions.
But as a whole most look at things from their experience in dealing with the same like problems.
There are times I don’t care for a opinion, and Lord know my hard line stance has ruffled a few feathers also.
At the end of each Alanon meeting these words are read, “ Take what you like, and leave the rest”
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
GPJ...I hope you will reconsider. I always enjoy your posts and your sense of humour.
I read your thread about those Christmas presents to your children and saw where many understood your predicament so you did get some validation for your reaction.
Maybe it's the season. So many triggers out there to set us off and pull us down.
Wishing you only the best of the season and a peaceful 2008.
ARL
I read your thread about those Christmas presents to your children and saw where many understood your predicament so you did get some validation for your reaction.
Maybe it's the season. So many triggers out there to set us off and pull us down.
Wishing you only the best of the season and a peaceful 2008.
ARL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
To be honest, I don't post here that much anymore because my circumstances have changed. My AH has been successfully in recovery for almost one year (on January 29). I've noticed there's not a huge amount of support for family members in my situation. With this phase of the disease comes different emotions and problems. Things I'd like to talk about, but sometimes don't feel as if I have an attentive (or interested) audience. Let me be clear that I'm not faulting anyone. I've even considered asking SR to start a new board that's geared towards family members of those who are IN recovery. It would be very helpful.
Anyway... I like to pop in every now and then to read the posts and add my viewpoint. Having lived with the active phase for more than 20 years, I feel I just might have something to offer -- some pearl of wisdom that might help someone. I think we all feel that way.
I don't know your story, but I hope you stick around. Blessings to you (AND your alcoholic) on this Christmas Eve.
Anyway... I like to pop in every now and then to read the posts and add my viewpoint. Having lived with the active phase for more than 20 years, I feel I just might have something to offer -- some pearl of wisdom that might help someone. I think we all feel that way.
I don't know your story, but I hope you stick around. Blessings to you (AND your alcoholic) on this Christmas Eve.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
GPJ ... I sure hope you reconsider! I sure have learned a lot from and been thankful for your posts.
This does raise some points, though. It would be nice to have a division to the Friends & Family section for different stages. I'll admit, too, that sometimes I can't decide whether I should read or not because it is a constant reminder of my XABF. But then I'll read a post about someone who's agoniziing about the past and it will help me or show me where I'm at in my own personal journey and I'm glad I stayed.
Bottom line is that it's easy to get judgmental or controlling on here, same as in real life. It's no wonder after the trials we've been through, but it's no excuse either.
This does raise some points, though. It would be nice to have a division to the Friends & Family section for different stages. I'll admit, too, that sometimes I can't decide whether I should read or not because it is a constant reminder of my XABF. But then I'll read a post about someone who's agoniziing about the past and it will help me or show me where I'm at in my own personal journey and I'm glad I stayed.
Bottom line is that it's easy to get judgmental or controlling on here, same as in real life. It's no wonder after the trials we've been through, but it's no excuse either.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
GP, I don't know if you're reading this thread or not. I'll certainly miss you. You've made your choice to leave, and as such I respect your decision. But I'll certainly miss having you here with us. Take care.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I don't know the "back story" to this at all.... but what I do know is that if I share MY experience, strength and hope... without "telling" another what to do - first, they can hear me better and second, they have the option of taking the parts of my experience that fit their situation and leave the rest.
Have I done this 100% - oh hell no. I try. And when I fail, I generally figure it out pretty fast... and beat myself up a bit (ok, not Too long - but I do regret those times).
I hope you can return - the door opens both ways.
((hugs))
Have I done this 100% - oh hell no. I try. And when I fail, I generally figure it out pretty fast... and beat myself up a bit (ok, not Too long - but I do regret those times).
I hope you can return - the door opens both ways.
((hugs))
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
As I don't know the backstory either, I have not words only good wishes for you.
(((gp)))
Take care of yourself. Hopefully you'll change your mind but if you don't, that's ok too. What ever you need to be happy is what you should be doing. That's what it's about, you.
Peace and hugs out.
(((gp)))
Take care of yourself. Hopefully you'll change your mind but if you don't, that's ok too. What ever you need to be happy is what you should be doing. That's what it's about, you.
Peace and hugs out.
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
(((Jude))) i too hope you stay here. You have helped me SO much here and i know so many others. I hope you reconsider as i truly value your love and support on SR.
hugs
heather
hugs
heather
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