familymember

Today, I spent the day with my brother...my Christmas gift from God. It is a day I will never forget. For today, I had my brother back (almost). I am so thankful for today. I am also SCARED to death and I am realistic that I cant make the choice of recovery for him. God, I wish I could... I have managed to pull myself slightly out of depression (by posting to this forum and getting into therapy) and I dont want to go on a rollar coaster ride with him. At the same time, I want to have faith that he will make the choice of recovery, but I dont want to be devastated if he doesn't (which of course I will be). I have heard people say that they still love their addict, but they don't go on the rollar coaster ride with them. How do you do this?

I could see how my mind is playing such tricks on me.. AUUGGHHH.... I dont want to lose my brother forever or ever again.........Any suggestions on how not to lose myself? I guess I am the only person I can control..:praying

Spiritual Seeker

You are thinking in the right direction. You can't save him so figuring out how to save yourself is the best. I have always found Therapy helpful to get my thinking sorted .
read al-anon literature about Detachment

ICU

I'm glad you had a wonderful day with your brother. I like the way you refer to it as 'a gift'.

In hindsight, I have learned that by setting boundaries, 'for myself', would have kept me off of the roller coaster ride of alcoholism. I had other issues to deal with him at the time, so my situation may have differed from some others.

I can set up a boundary that, if someone is drinking and I don't care for their behavior, I don't have to be with that person at that time. I can leave the room, leave the house, whatever it takes not to be subjected to that behavior.

Another one is that if they are drinking and call me, I don't have to stay on the phone with them. I can choose to talk to them another time.

Those are just examples of what I would do if I found myself in that situation again.

It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of what is yours to manage, and what isn't!

Keep coming back!

hope2bhappy

I think you answered your own question. Stay strong.

CBrown

You are on the right track as the others said! We all need the support that you are needing right now.

I still have deep feelings for my XABF, but I will not endure his abuse and I will not watch him kill himself via liquid suicide. The absolute hardest lesson I have learned in life so far is that I cannot save other people. I can be there for support, but I can't do it for them. Oh, how I want to shake my XABF, haul him off to rehab and have him live happily ever after! But he doesn't WANT to. He wants to be drunk right now and ignore that it's killing him. I can't allow him to take me down with him, and I can't allow him to treat me like crap either.

So I sit up here in the north, praying, waiting for "the call" that he's either dead or miraculously chose life, and that's all I can do.