BoiledFrog

Practically the first words out of their mouths were "where's the gin?" After that they are asking my DS8 whether he's drinking beer yet and acting surprised (like joking but not joking for an 8 year old) when he says no. So of course he says "but I like red wine". WTF???? Since when has he been drinking wine? Since his dad has said "here taste this"???

Last night we took the kids to a party. There were a lot of families there. Every single one of the dads and quite a few of the mums were drunk by the end of the evening. My DD6 was drinking juice out of a champagne glass and saying "Look Daddy I'm drinking wine like a grown up".

I cannot wait to ditch my AH and ditch his dumb alkie family and dumb alkie friends and hang out with people who have some semblence of sense in their heads. Just get Christmas out the way and then I'm onto the lawyer.:codiepolice

Taking5

DS8 and DD6 make no sense to me, but I am glad you are sober. Good luck and keep us posted.

prodigal

The only time I enjoyed being in the company of drunks - at parties, holiday get-togethers, dinners - was when I was drinking with them! Then one day I stopped seeing any of it as "fun." In fact, it was downright repetitious and boring ... and sad.

Children pick up very quickly on adults behaviors and actions. In this case, what your children are picking up are glasses and sips of alcoholic beverages - or so it appears. In that atmosphere, surrounded by a bunch of A's, they're going to pretend to do what the grown-up's do - and it's unhealthy.

A's pull out all the stops when it comes to Christmas, from my own personal experience, and seem to believe celebrating the birth of Christ has something to do with getting fall-down drunk. I assume they're coming from the point-of-view that the shepherds and Wise Men popped open a bottle of champagne in the manger to celebrate the child's birth.

CBrown

My XABF has immersed himself in a culture of drinking - perfect for his addiction. It's a marina, with hotel, and tiki bar. It's the Keys, so naturally one is always "on vacation." They drink, they cheat, they lie, they steal, they have no visible means of income, other than the occasional odd-job or government check. In the case of my XABF, he made a @#($*-load of money in politics (a great place for an alcoholic to hone his skills, after initially building them in HS and FSU party-central).

Anyway, the "residents" of the marina have kids, and yes, the kids are watching all this activity. I took my daughter and her friend down there back in 2004, before he had embraced "checking-out" in the Keys. I will NEVER, EVER take her back down there. She may be 19, but I will not condone that type of lifestyle. And, she is a large reason why he is not in my life anymore either. A stepfather like that? I don't think so.

hadenoughnow

I feel for you, thank goodness I only have one A to deal with

BoiledFrog

Yes that is exactly how I am feeling now.

DGillz: DS and DD stands for dear son and dear daughter. The numbers are their ages.

I am very confused about my parents in law. They seem like very together people, their lives are not chaos. But then I watch FIL put away half a bottle of whiskey or hear MIL say "Ooh I could really do with a gin and tonic" and I'm not sure. The list of character traits of ACOA fits AH to a tee.

We had a talk this morning. I said to AH that he had a choice to make and he said "what you're saying is it's you or the drink" and I said I guess I am. So he said he chose me. Don't know what to make of that. Of course he wanted instant gratification. "Come to mamma, what a good boy" etc. But I just said it was a long hard road and I hoped he was making the choice for himself.

Anyway he's been looking miserable all day. What a happy Christmas.

prodigal

Hey, boiled, if you're still out there ... He said he'd choose you. Yeah, I've only heard that about forty BILLION times. I don't hear that anymore because I don't get sucked in and AH knows it. Frankly, as the disease has progressed, mine has got past the begging or bargaining stage into the I-don't-care-if-you-stay-or-leave stage. Hey, works for me ...

Unfortunately, he did start whining about how he "wanted Christmas" while he was staggering around here in a drunken stupor this afternoon. I told him if his idea of Christmas was to drink himself senseless, fine by me, but it's not MY idea of Christmas. At that point Divine Intervention occurred and my cousin called from Delaware. We yakked on the phone for several hours and AH staggered off to bed.

I hope your AH makes the choice to seek recovery. However, don't bet the farm on it until you see concrete proof.

Barbara52

I hope and pray he will move into recovery. It wonderful when I see a success story in here.

ccirider

Hi BF:

I hope that you take this in the spirit that I give it. Before you react to what I say, take a moment to reflect on it first.

I find the comment "Come to mamma, what a good boy" to be very condescending. I certainly am not going to defend the A in your life, but I think that we always need to take the high road in life, even if the other person decides to take the low road. Alcoholics do become more and more immature as the disease progresses, so it's very easy to develop a condescending attitude towards them.

Either you stay with him or you leave. If you choose to stay, stay with respect. If you choose to leave, leave with respect. Whatever you do, don't choose to stay with him and then be condescending towards him. Leave him with respect before you choose to stay with him with condescension.

BTW, I love your name BF. One would never get married to a sloppy drunk, just like a frog wouldn't jump into boiling water. But boil the water slowly and the frog doesn't jump out.


Peace

Disclaimer:

I am not a licensed medical health care provider. If you seek professional advice, I suggest you see a licensed medical health care provider. My advice is non-professional advice, so take what you find beneficial and leave the rest.

BoiledFrog

Prodigal, hi, I have to say I didn't take his reaction completely at face value. I haven't heard this particular promise before but I've heard many others that aren't worth much. I am looking for that concrete proof.

Barbara, thanks for your good wishes I am certainly hoping for the best, but as Prodigal says not betting the farm on it.

CciRider, thanks for your comments. I think what I meant when I put "Come to mamma...." was that I was getting that vibe from him. That it was what he wanted me to do. I will certainly have the utmost respect for him if he actually means what he says and gets into recovery. It is hard for me to believe at the moment. So far this Christmas he has been drinking in moderation. At first he was drinking nothing and acting like I was making him do that. I repeated that it was his choice, and that my choice was not to live with an alcoholic. In the end we agreed over the Christmas period and while we have guests that he should drink a little with meals but not otherwise. I am not expecting him to go cold turkey right at Christmas. I guess I need to examine my own drinking habits too, the thought of a completely dry Christmas was making my toes curl. However I have for the last two years had an alcohol free January and I plan to do the same this year. Once the in laws leave (on Friday) we'll have a serious talk I hope.

Anyhow, I'm up late here decorating a birthday cake for MIL.