ICU

My 14 year old cat (was previously my ex’s cat) has a large lump on his leg, in the knee area. Two previous tests for cancer were done. The first was inconclusive. The second one was ‘suggestive’ of cancer. No absolute diagnosis!

I brought him to the vet yesterday to discuss the pros and cons of putting him under to do a surgical ‘larger tissue sample’ biopsy in an effort to get a conclusive diagnosis! The vet was of the opinion, that 1. To do the biopsy might encourage the cancer to spread quickly, if it is in fact cancer, and 2. To take a large enough sample would make it extremely difficult to close and heal properly as there’s not much skin there to begin with. This biopsy would require taking a skin graft from another area of his body to assist with closing it. That would be two sizable wounds to deal with. And, the kicker is, he is FIV positive. Although his major organs are fine, especially for his age, the FIV makes him a questionable candidate for extensive surgery, or, any surgery for that matter! FIV will potentially make the healing process much slower and problematic.

I told the vet yesterday that if I have to beg, borrow, and starve to do what’s best for him, I will. But, what is best, not for me, but for ‘him’! Sadly, after weighing all the pros and cons, I am 85% convinced that the best thing to do ‘for him’ is to allow him to live out his life naturally, without surgeries, grafts, amputations (that was discussed too), endless medications (except just to keep him comfortable for as long as possible), tests, etc. I was told that in the unlikely event that he would experience pain, it would be minimal, and controllable with some meds. At some point, I will have to decide when he is no longer happy, and....

I asked what he would do if this were his cat….he said that he would do exactly what I’m thinking of doing….‘keeping him happy as possible, without surgeries and procedures, etc.! I also told the vet yesterday that I will not make such an important decision while being as emotional as I am. But, I have to make some sort of final decision, and soon!

OK, so I’m 85% convinced that this is what I will do….no medical intervention! But, I’ve got another voice screaming inside of me….and that is, when the time comes to let him go, I will always wonder if he would have lived longer (with a reason quality of life) if I had done more, i.e., surgeries, procedures, chemo, radiation, etc. And, if I’m going to do more, NOW is the time, if it is indeed cancer. As such, I have an apt. next week with someone that specializes in oncology for animals. I’ve got to address that ‘but what if I did this or that’ voice!!

So, this is not going to be a merry upcoming week for me. Right now all I can do is pray for strength and guidance in making the best decision for him. But my heart is feeling so darned selfish right now! Anyone have a magic wand I can borrow to make everything right? I sure could use one right now.

If anyone has any insights that I haven't addressed here, please let me know. I know I'm thinking emotionally right now so I might not be 'seeing' or perhaps even 'accepting' all that I should.

Barbara52

I'm so sorry you cat is sick. Its always so hard to kow what to do.

All I can say is that when I've been in similar situations, I made by cat as comfortable as possible for as long and possible and when it became necessary, I help them as they were put down, crying the whole time.

CBrown

I had a similar decision to make with my daughter's horse. When I bought him, he had a lump on his neck. The vets thought it probably was from an injection he'd had. But it kept growing over the years. Finally it got to be very big ... so big we couldn't ignore that it was growing. We drove him down to Ohio State University's equine hospital and did the x-rays. It was a sarcoid tumor. I left him for a week and they did a CAT scan. It was a tumor that had grown inbetween the vertebrae in his neck, had eaten or dissolved two vertebrae, and was growing quickly. The worst part was that it was compressing his spinal cord, making him neurological (stumbling). There were four choices. Operate on him and attempt to remove it - which would probably break his neck and he'd die on the table. Cut it back as much as possible, which was only cosmetic. Give him a series of radiation treatments, which was experimental. Take him home, retire him, and let him live the rest of his life having fun in the field.

I took him home. The vets said he had between three months and three years and I would know "the time." Two months later I found him in the stall on my daily trip to the stable, falling around, face nicked up, scared to death. Before the vet came, my friend Barb and I sat with him, fed him carrots and grain and petted him and he knew he was loved.

I'll tell you, the decision to bring him home was the hardest decision I have probably ever made. Yet, I felt at peace with it because I had to do what was RIGHT for HIM. I had to weigh the options, and I didn't want to do anything to him that would put him through misery. You have to trust your vet too. I called our local for a second opinion and everyone said "don't put him through that." They were wise and practical. No, it wasn't easy, but I was at peace with my decision.

Have faith that your HP will give you the strength and courage to go through this journey with your pet. I've got five cats, a great dog, and three horses and making decisions about them is SO hard, especially when they hold 100% of your heart! Prayers going out for you!

hopeangel

i really feel that in the end you have to make the best decision for you. what you feel comfortable with.

all i can do is share my experience. i had a cat who all of a sudden we noticed had a big open wound on her tail. we took her to after hour emergency care. they sedated her, shaved her tail and told me i would have to take her to the vet the next day to have it amputated. the vet could not tell me exactly what it was, cancer was a possibility, they could not give any conclusive answers. it could have also been an injury, infection, etc. anyway, a year of surgeries followed she lost her tail, seemed to start bouncing back, then she got a big lump on it. tests, biopsies followed. she then started not eating. i think it was because she was in pain and too much stress of everything and depressed after she lost her tail. so, next, had her teeth cleaned - more surgery cause the vet thought she wasn't eating because of an infection she had in her teeth now. she came home from that ate like mad for two days and then completely quite again we had to give her medicine all the time which eventually she just refused. a 15 pound cat went down to 3 pounds. it was horrible.

this went on for a year. we kept trying because noone could give us definite answers and kept thinking they could bring her back.

in the end she just gave up. i've seen it before with animals. when they decide that they do not want to live they just stop eating and in her case going and hiding in the basement. i think they decide when they had enough.

when we finally did make the decision to put her to sleep after taking her for another opinion and finding she was severly enemic and had a severe infection that spread to her blood stream probably from her immune system not being able to fight it that spread to her blood stream (she wasn't weaned properly) i had to bottle feed her when i got her and she didn't get her moms milk)

the cat just put her head in my hand at the vets and closed her eyes. at that moment i decided (really she decided) that enough was enough.

if i could do it all over again...i would have never made her suffer through everything she did if there is a chance it is benign and might be harmless, if it was me, i think i would not do anything either.

you will make the right decision whatever that is for you and your cat.

ICU

Thanks for sharing your stories. It does help.

I know that if it is cancer, and I do decide to do something about it, the time is now. Well, after the oncology visit that is.

He has a wonderful quality of life, 'right now'. He eats, drinks, does his litterbox routine regularly. He initiates playing with his toys, cuddles with me, and loves bird and squirrel watching while stretching out on his blanket in front of the sliding glass window. He just seems so happy. That's what is making this decision so hard, if that makes any sense.

Barbara52

That makes a lot of sense. Its much easier if our pets are obviously suffering to make a decision.

GiveLove

Hi ICU,

I'm so sorry about your cat. I have lived with a beloved cat whom we put through the torture of drugs, radiation, and surgeries in an attempt to keep him around -- for us -- for a few more years.

I can say unequivocally that I will never, ever do this to an animal again. Your kitty's quality of life might be good now, but it will not be if you embark on radical measures like that. The side effects are dreadful, even moreso because of his delicate feline nature. I was so incredibly sorry I'd done that, even though WE got to have him for an extra year.

Keeping your cat happy and loved for the remainder of his natural life is something that you will always be glad about. The rest are just "what ifs", and we know all about those on this board...

Love and hugs to you
GL

NoChoice

ICU,
I was left with my XAH's lab the first time he left. I loved and adored that dog. I spooned with her and watched movies, ran home from work to be with her, all the normal things that people who love their pets do. Booker was her name, she got sick so I took her to the vet for tests Fri night. By Sun am her kidneys were failing. Booker was 13 and had a long happy life for a dog. I gave her everything I had to give her and loved her so very much but her time had come. It still breaks my heart to think about, see I do think I love too much--even my animals! I am glad I didn't apply science to the old girl. She was happy and tired. I held her as they put her down and think about her alot. I know it is hard, I am sure you cat does have a wonderful quality of life that you gave him. Enjoy him to the fullest.

ICU

Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of for sure.

I just wish I could feel that peace inside about what I'm probably going to decide to do, or rather, decide 'not' to do.

I'm crying so much right now it's like he's already gone. I'll give myself another hour then go back and roll the candy in sprinkles that I made last night for Christmas. I might have to re-do them though...I think there's too much salt in them from my tears last night.

Besides, all four of my furkids are not happy when their mommy isn't happy! My yorkie is sticking to my side like glue. I think he might be a codie!

Thanks everyone. You are helping me! :ghug

Kindeyes

ICU
My dogs are like children to me so I can empathize with your difficult decision. Your sweet baby has given you 14 wonderful years of love and purrrrrfect affection. The amount of money we spend to save our precious furbabies does not equal the amount of love we have for them. It sounds like your love for him far surpasses all the money in the world.....and ultimately your love is what he wants and needs right now. Your vet sounds very supportive of your decision. Don't waste time with your fuzzy friend second guessing your decision. It sounds like you have given this a great deal of thought.......gentle hugs to you as you deal with this difficult time.

hopeangel

i thought i would add that my cat was only 10 years old. the normal life expectancy is 15-20 years i think. my "angel" is 15. i think the reason i tried so many things with sunshine was that she was still what was considered young. of course, if you saw Angel is very young in spirit and body also

ICU

Yeah, the doc and I also discussed if he were 7 or 8 instead of 14, there 'might' be more of a valid reason to take a more aggressive approach.

I'm of the opinion now is probably NOT the most productive time for me to quit smoking, LOL! (I'm trying to reconnect with my humor which seems to be MIA).

denny57

I'm sorry to hear it, ICU, so close to the holidays. My sister called me a couple days ago about her one cat that was diagnosed with lung cancer. In recent years I've had to let go of two of my cats. The one this year was particularly hard - she was 14, too. Whenever I've had to make the decision I think back to the times with my grandfather, a farmer. We had many discussions about the cycle of life and quality of life for animals. He taught me why it was important to think of the animal's comfort first. It wasn't easy then and it isn't any easier now. It took me months to get to a place where I could accept I had done the "right" thing. Like everything else, it's part of life and takes time.

((()))

GiveLove

(((((((ICU)))))))))

The tears we shed for the love of our creatures.......sigh. I think about my dog that had liver cancer and I had to have him put to sleep at 9, and I realize that I still do not completely have that sense of peace you speak of. I think it is partly because we are becoming conditioned to believe, in this modern age, that anything is possible medically and all it takes is more money, more time, more smarts, more something. There simply MUST be some other way, right? I just have to find it....

I know now that isn't always true, that just because we CAN doesn't mean we SHOULD. You are doing the very very best you can, in a very difficult situation....and if you weren't crying in your candy, I would think you'd be less of a person. That's just love, pure and simple. Hugs to you as you sprinkle and shed those sacred tears...

Rella927

ICU-

As you and I discussed about my fur baby-and her cancer, I believe what you are feeling right now with regards to doing what you feel for that little one is right on target!

Breathe......When My Miss. Trixie had her cancer they told me that she would only live so long as her throat was closing up-she was diabetic and the surgery was risky but without it she would have died sooner as she was unable to eat much with the throat closing-so I made the hardest choice I had to make and that was to let her go through the surgery! In her case she was 15 years old, so I felt in my gutt it was the right thing to do because without it she would not have made it much longer-I'm glad that I listen to my gutt because she came through with flying colors-They told that I should do radiation treatments on her and that is when I had to draw the line! She was older and lived a long healthy life up until then-for the most part-so NO WAY was I putting my furry child through that! She lived for 3 more years, as you know the rest!

What I'm trying to say to you right now you are having 100 things emotionally running through your mind and I understand that-but I really feel that you have said what you really know and feel in your heart right here:

I'm so sorry you are going through this and anyone with "furry children" know exactly how you are feeling-I wish you healing thoughts-

Love ya ICU!

ICU

Thanks Denny,. Ultimately, I agree. But like you said, it’s hard!


When it comes to my furkids, that’s me for sure! But you’re right, just because it’s possible, doesn’t make it the best choice, for them!

(((Rella))), Thanks sweetie! In your little Trixie's case, I can understand why you choose to do the surgery. And I have no doubt it wasn't an easy decision to make either! But with the prognosis without surgery being what it was, yeah, I totally understand opting for the surgery!

I'm still keeping the oncologist apt. next week. If for nothing else, I think this will satisfy that little 'but what if I....' voice that has been screaming at me. Maybe at that time I will begin to feel some peace in my pending final decision!

Well, on a more upbeat note, I had an early Christmas for them a little over a week ago. It’s funny, he ignored the new bed I gave him, until last night that is. He’s all curled up in a ball in it now and seems to be loving it. Does he know something??

Last night he got another early present…a catnip filled fluff ball. He’s batted it all over my living room. He’s a big guy and kind of klutzy when he runs. But, it does my heart good to see him like that. I guess making each day as special and loving for him as I can is the best thing I can do for him…until he tells me otherwise.

Don’t worry, my other 3 little ones also got early presents too, so, no one has been left out!

Oh, and I have to throw out the candy I made. It’s too soft to roll into sprinkles. I must not have been paying attention and added too much milk, and tears!

Thank you all for sharing your stories and input. My heart goes out to each of you for the loss of your little loved ones!

DetachMe9

Cats are the beauty and joy of my world. They are unquestionably the source of all that is good and happy when everything else sucks. I'm so sorry about your guy.

Given your description of the situation, I would do just as you have chosen. Try to comfort yourself with the knowledge that he is actually somewhere between 74-78 years old in human years, which is no short life. Show him all the affection you can muster, lots of lap-time, and tell him how you feel (really). Cry and grieve, and when it's time to let him go you will be able to know that he was given all the care and comfort you could - - and he will know he was cherished and loved.

cmc

****{ICU}}}}
The sadness and difficult decisions don't outweigh all the joy they bring, but it is never easy to deal with a sick pet, especially when they are up in years.
I'll be thinking of you as you figure out what is the best thing to do.

hbb

(((ICU))) I"m so sorry your going through this right now. I for one am that person that feels worse for anamals (cats) than some humans. I had a 13 year old cat (Winslow) and he had lumps along his sides and they said he had cancer and it was the hardest thing to hear. But we did what your dr. suggested and let him go on as long as he was "ok" and then knew it was time a bit down the road.

MsGolightly

icu, i'm going through the same thing right now with my dog and a non-functioning liver. the surgery is risky and expensive, and COULD potentially make him worse off than he is now... but could also improve him 100%. like others above me said, it is all about the animal, even though it's absolutely horrible for us to have to deal with. i'll be thinking of you over the next few days, and keep us posted on what you decide.