I am shocked, help on this
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
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I am shocked, help on this
My AH has been out of our home living in a halfway house. He was recently kicked out for drinking. I told him he could not come home so he was out there drinking himself to death. He has no place to go as he has burned all bridges with family. I get a phone call from a guy who says my AH car has been at his house for 2 days. He said Amy has been calling lookoing for him. I am like "who is Amy" this guy tells me it is his girlfriend. I am blown away. I never thought he had a girlfriend. I guess I am really blind. Three weeks ago we were planning on getting back together till he relapsed. I am wondering if this is someone he just found in the 3 weeks he's been homeless or if it was ongoing. I know it should not matter,but after 24 years together it still hurts.
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Don't be shocked about his double life. One AH is like 2 husbands. One is the husband you know(for better or worse) and the other is the person alcohol creates in the other dimension, the intoxicated dimension. Pity the poor girlfriend unless she too is an addict, then pity both of them and do what it takes to save your own sanity.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
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Something about this sounds kinda off to me...why would this guy call you if Amy is looking for him??
Maybe the guy is trying to get him out of his house.
What are the chances Amy is leading a normal life if she is chasing after an alcoholic that got tossed from a half way house? She maybe more of a drinking buddy than a girlfriend.
I am sure you are shocked and hurt. Even so I am glad you found out because you have a right to know about her.
I hope that you can deal with this new information in a clear headed way so that you can do what is best for you. Take good care of you and be gentle with yourself. I am sorry you are going thru this.
Maybe the guy is trying to get him out of his house.
What are the chances Amy is leading a normal life if she is chasing after an alcoholic that got tossed from a half way house? She maybe more of a drinking buddy than a girlfriend.
I am sure you are shocked and hurt. Even so I am glad you found out because you have a right to know about her.
I hope that you can deal with this new information in a clear headed way so that you can do what is best for you. Take good care of you and be gentle with yourself. I am sorry you are going thru this.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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Aweda,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's part of the insanity of being attached to alcoholics. Take care of yourself, and decide what kind of life you want.....and take tiny steps toward it starting today. You deserve to be happy, not dealing with this kind of stuff. We're here for you.
Hugs
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's part of the insanity of being attached to alcoholics. Take care of yourself, and decide what kind of life you want.....and take tiny steps toward it starting today. You deserve to be happy, not dealing with this kind of stuff. We're here for you.
Hugs
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Originally Posted by steve11694 
Don't be shocked about his double life. One AH is like 2 husbands. One is the husband you know(for better or worse) and the other is the person alcohol creates in the other dimension, the intoxicated dimension. Pity the poor girlfriend unless she too is an addict, then pity both of them and do what it takes to save your own sanity.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
Posts: 260
Found out some more to this new drama. He met her in this dive bar on a Saturday and gave the sob story of having no place to go. She lives nearby this bar and spends alot of time there. He does not have a job so she is supporting him. This is the kind of life I believe he always wanted,someone to drink with and no children underfoot. I think they are perfect for each other.So glad the kids and I are starting over, we are moving to our new apartment in 2 weeks. It will be a wonderful 2008, we are going to be OK!!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Aweda, the truth shall set you free. My friend kept telling me that this year as I was going through the chaos of my XABF's life. I am so sorry you are experiencing that knife through the gut feeling of finding out about another GF, but trust me, the truth will free your heart and soul.
I call it "rotating through the women." R's method is to have 3-4 that he keeps going back through. The cycle is: find woman, woo her, honeymoon period, abuse starts, woman gets tired of the alcoholic game, R disappears, woman misses him, R goes back to her, repeat cycle. How it used to work for him is that he worked in politics and was on the road a lot, so he had a woman in different towns. So none of us knew about the other ones! Well, this past year that all blew up when I contacted all the women and now we all know about each other. They may choose to take him back, but at least we all know the truth.
And even then, there can be the casual women on the side like you are finding. The short-term relationships that come and go and are not part of the "rotation."
But I remember all too well that sick feeling I got when I found out his capacity to lie. He can be on the phone with me one minute and say "Love and miss you with all my heart" and then call D on the phone and say "You know I always loved you and you can come back to me at any time" and then call P and tell her something similar, then G and set up a date for after the weekend binge. I didn't understand how a person could compartmentalize relationships until I read "Without Conscience", which explains a psychopath's mind. Not saying your husband is, but I know R is.
Take care of you. I thank God that I know what he is really like, even if it hurt like hell. Sounds like you are building a new life ... congratulations!
I call it "rotating through the women." R's method is to have 3-4 that he keeps going back through. The cycle is: find woman, woo her, honeymoon period, abuse starts, woman gets tired of the alcoholic game, R disappears, woman misses him, R goes back to her, repeat cycle. How it used to work for him is that he worked in politics and was on the road a lot, so he had a woman in different towns. So none of us knew about the other ones! Well, this past year that all blew up when I contacted all the women and now we all know about each other. They may choose to take him back, but at least we all know the truth.
And even then, there can be the casual women on the side like you are finding. The short-term relationships that come and go and are not part of the "rotation."
But I remember all too well that sick feeling I got when I found out his capacity to lie. He can be on the phone with me one minute and say "Love and miss you with all my heart" and then call D on the phone and say "You know I always loved you and you can come back to me at any time" and then call P and tell her something similar, then G and set up a date for after the weekend binge. I didn't understand how a person could compartmentalize relationships until I read "Without Conscience", which explains a psychopath's mind. Not saying your husband is, but I know R is.
Take care of you. I thank God that I know what he is really like, even if it hurt like hell. Sounds like you are building a new life ... congratulations!
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Sorry for your pain,I know it hurts.
chances are it's someone he's met in the last 3 weeks. he needs an enabler.
my ex showed up at a meeting with some girl during the time I told him if he sobered up we could talk about getting back together. go figure.
take care of yourself.
ngaire
chances are it's someone he's met in the last 3 weeks. he needs an enabler.
my ex showed up at a meeting with some girl during the time I told him if he sobered up we could talk about getting back together. go figure.
take care of yourself.
ngaire
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
I completely agree with Steve, above. And this "Amy" person! How desperate is she that she would attach herself to someone who is currently so down on his luck (understating, here)? Wow! And we thought we had problems.
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