He chose the bottle...

Old 12-20-2007, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by FormerDoormat View Post
Is that what that was? And all this time, I thought it meant that my boyfriend was happy to see me.

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Old 12-20-2007, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by FormerDoormat View Post
Is that what that was? And all this time, I thought it meant that my boyfriend was happy to see me.
Spew alerts are definitely in order! bahahahhahhahhahhaha!!
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Old 12-20-2007, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
I guess I wonder though......did I allow myself to be in that "second" position? If I would have done something differently, would it still have happened? I know that I can't change the past but I am trying to reflect on my own behaviors and wonder if my son would have turned to alcohol anyway. I guess it's really a waste of my time to wonder that. What is just is. I guess I would like to talk to people who are in AA to better understand the disease from their perspective. Other than my son (who understandably) doesn't really want to talk to me about it, I haven't really talked to an alcoholic in recovery.
Spew alerts aside, LOL, I think this is kind of like which came first, the chicken or the egg.

I had to come back to this 'cause I had to think about it...the best I can come up with, in my current state of mind is, I think (my opinion based on my situation) is that whether or not I put myself in second place in my eyes, it didn't matter because in 'his' eyes, I was in second place. It was a lose-lose propostion that I was in. I put myself there because I was hopeful for a change, but he was happy to keep me there, enabling his choices all the way. Until I learned better that is! Hmmm...I think I just confused myself. I know what I meant though, LOL! Sorry, I'm under some stress right now...I'm probably not thinking clearly!
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Old 12-20-2007, 04:58 PM
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I'm sorry to hear that you are under some stress. Here's a HUG for you!

I know that it's not logical to think of the why's and what I could have done differently. It's probably my co-dependence thinking shining through. Darnit I hate it when that happens.
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Old 12-21-2007, 04:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
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I'm sorry to hear that you are under some stress. Here's a HUG for you!
Awwww...thanks, I needed that!

Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
I know that it's not logical to think of the why's and what I could have done differently. It's probably my co-dependence thinking shining through.
I don't think it's illogical to think that way either! Maybe it's just good old 'human nature' (loving, caring, wanting the best for the people we love kind of thing) to think that way initially. It's what we do beyond that initial thought that gets me trapped sometimes.
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Old 12-21-2007, 06:08 AM
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Bottom Line is this: They are only doing what addicts do. And addicts put the addiction before life and limb and love.
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Old 12-24-2007, 10:37 PM
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I'm familiar with the comparison theory of diabetic/alcoholic. I always understood this analogy, but couldn't quite grasp it. A diabetic's personality doesn't really change with their illness. An alcoholic becomes an entirely different person... one you can hardly sympathize with, much less love sometimes. This was one of the hardest things for me to overcome. I KNEW my AH was a very sick man and had a terrible disease. But sometimes I just hated him for the way he would act when drunk. It's all so hard.

But I can tell you this about "choice"... at the end, there was no choice about it. My AH was really, really sick. He had reached the point where he could not even stand up, walk, function in the smallest way without a drink. We are talking infamous David Hasselhoff video drunk almost 24-7. I was waiting for this man to die. I didn't see any other way out of it. This disease had removed any choice he previously may have had. No. Definitely not. It was not a choice. Not the end stage of the disease that I witnessed. I was on my knees begging God to end it... to end his suffering... and he was suffering. And then... I witnessed a miracle.
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