queenteree

Hi All,
Went to court yesterday, and after spending a whole day there, watching about 7 or 8 people get taken out of the courtroom in handcuffs, we finally got to see the judge. She didn't let either of us speak or ask us any questions, she just told my AH that she was going on the recommendation of the center he got an evaluation with, that he would be tested through them and he is to comply with their program of 3 hours a night, 3 nights a week, plus AA, and she would be monitoring everything and she will see us back in court in February. AH was not happy, You see, AH was told by a lawyer that I could make this whole thing go away by dropping my order. Up until we saw the judge and while in front of the judge, I refused. Right afterward, he told me "why didn't you just drop it and I would do what I needed to do to get sober and make this work" I said I couldn't and wouldn't. Yet we went home and had dinner and he even did the dinner dishes and was sweet and loving. Now I'm just going to wait for the other shoe to drop, as well as everyone in his family blaming me (why didn't I drop it, etc.). But for some reason, I feel comfortable w/my decision and don't regret any of it. They will all just have to get past it.

Barbara52

You feel comfortable with your decision because you know you are doing what is right for you. Brava!

Rella927

QT good for you! When we know what is right for us and actually set forth sticking to our boundaries, we are recovering! way to go!

cmc

It's a good feeling to stop getting between somebody and their consequences. It shows strength of character and healthy self respect to do the right thing. An added benefit is that sometimes others might learn to respect my boundaries when I stand firm about them.
Thanks for sharing.

hopeangel

i'm proud QT - your today's inspiration! i'm guessing your ah has a new respect for you now

ARealLady

Well done, QT!!! Boundaries give us such personal serenity and strength!

(((((((QT)))))))))))

ARL

Pajarito

Well done! That is something I am thinking more about now- boundaries. I can learn a lot from you. Keep on keeping on!

denny57

Glad to hear that part is done, QT.

Try not to waste any time waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe they've both dropped by now.

queenteree

AH calls me just now, tells me that he was talking to an AA friend who was also mandated, but also did drugs. He says his friend told him to get a lawyer before the next date cause it's not like my AH is doing anything illegal, he's just an alcoholic and they can't by law force an alcoholic to get treatment (gotta protect that God given right to drink himself into oblivion). I told AH that he should ask his friend for his lawyer's number, and by all means, if he feels more comfortable w/a lawyer, he should get one. And you know what, whether or not he retains this lawyer, and whether or not he gets this mandated thing dropped, sometimes he should be careful what he wishes for, cause his HP could have been looking out for him with this mandated thing (he should think of it as a gift) and next time it won't be me or this court, but something that he won't be able to get out of (not hexing him or anything, just being realistic). It's all in HP's hands now, but I'm still all good, calm and serene, I know God is there watching over me. Thanks for listening.

Miss Pink

Aint no shoe gonna drop unless you shake your foot alot!

Relax and enjoy your enforcement of boundaries! A day to celebrate!!

denny57

I'd take it a step further, QT, and figure maybe him getting that attorney is also his personal HP at work. I have no idea what path someone else has to follow to get where they're going.

((()))

queenteree

Denny - I love your posts and words of wisdom, but I don't get what you're trying to say this time. Could you please clarify? But I do want to thank you and all you upfront people here at SR, I think I'm starting to really recover nicely (even though I'll never be fully recovered), but I am calm and serene, and have more strength and courage than I ever had in my life. Much love to you all.

denny57

Much like I had to feel "enough" pain to get well, it may be the same for him. So it's possible he'll get the attorney, get himself off the hook and experience something else that might be the bottom. I just had to learn I can't define someone else's bottom - many people around me thought for sure I had hit it many times, but nope, I kept coming back for more and digging myself in deeper.

Maybe he needs to keep digging for a while. Who knows what triggers laying down that shovel?

There were many things I thought should be obvious to AH as gifts from god. What I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't recognizing the gifts I was being handed - I can look back now and see all the opportunities that presented themselves for me to choose recovery, yet I did not. I remained determined to help steer someone else's.

Make any sense?

queenteree

Yes Denny, it makes total sense. That's what I was trying to say when I said next time it won't be me or the court, it will be something else (only you said it so much better). And by me saying that I'm still all good with it, I have had my bottom, I'm not trying to save him with this whole order thing. I did it for myself and my peace. That was a big accomplishment for me, trust me. And to not back down was even bigger. I'm making progress. I feel things are going to be very positive for me in the very near future, and this is a feeling that I have never had before. It is what it is, and the way it's supposed to be. So see, I actually think I am coming along nicely in my recovery, don't you? Thanks so much Denny.

kelsh

Hi QueenTree,

I think you are doing a wonderful job of keeping yourboundaries. I would find it very hard to keep my mouth shut if I were in the same place. :chatter

While I was drinking I did not get into trouble with the law but think that was cuz I did most of my drinking at home. Or within walking distance of friends.

Keep up the good work...maybe nothing will happen during the Holidays to ruin your Christmas fun.

kelsh

denny57

You don't need me to tell me you are, QT, but I will anyway LOL - it's always nice to hear.

When that feeling/acceptance, whatever you want to call it, kicks in, it's like nothing else. Having that happen to me made me realize it has to happen for each individual, including the alcoholic, from within. I cannot make it happen for anyone but myself.

Kindeyes

QT
Wonderful! Good for you for sticking to your bottomline. Also.....just to add a thought to Denny's comment about the attorney......my A son had to pay for his own attorney. I just refused to put any more money towards his addiction. The attorney didn't get him off. She didn't really do anything and $3,500 later he realized that he made a very expensive mistake. That's another way our HP works in our favor ;-)

hadenoughnow

Glad to hear that he didn't get to walk on this and I hope you have a peaceful Christmas.

It's funny how he puts it all on you to "drop it and make it go away". He could probably just as easily made it go away by staying sober, moving out and filing for divorce instead of continuing to drink and harass you in your home.

shakarris

QT - I have been following your story. Good for you for sticking to your guns. You know did what was right for YOU.

Keep strong
shakarris

Pick-a-name

So glad you have peace of mind (as well you should,imho). Glad this day is behind you. *hugs*