situation unraveling, can't move
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Van Alstyne Texas
Posts: 13
situation unraveling, can't move
This is a condensed version, my longer post got eaten up somehow.
My AW is now in a constant binge state. She's been through the 28 day, multiple AA groups & sponsors, counseling. Recently she detoxed at the hospital where I work (thanx alot)! And started back up 2 days later.
She now has elevated liver enzyme markers and I believe I detect ketones on her breath. Her son/daughter and I hatched a plan to get her to New Mexico, a 14 hour drive, her youngest, most meaningful grandkids reside. Since am I working 7 of 8 days 12 hours nite shifts through Christmas, and since she gets ultra wacky during holidays, this seemed a good idea. But after 2 hours suffering through her scratching, hitting, grabbing the wheel, yelling, cursing, I aborted this sorry journey and returned home. Home, such as it is.
In the past I have left, even gotten an apartment. Last year I attempted a divorce, but I managed to hire a thieving attorney who didn't 'git r done'. Now I'm messed up: bad sleep, poor eating, no exercise. If it wasn't for my job providing some stability, who knows?
I guess here is why I posting: is it still OK to bail if a person talks suicide, health failing, all prospects appearing gone, just mailing it in. Somehow now it seems different, that I am responsible.
Thanx,
Steve
My AW is now in a constant binge state. She's been through the 28 day, multiple AA groups & sponsors, counseling. Recently she detoxed at the hospital where I work (thanx alot)! And started back up 2 days later.
She now has elevated liver enzyme markers and I believe I detect ketones on her breath. Her son/daughter and I hatched a plan to get her to New Mexico, a 14 hour drive, her youngest, most meaningful grandkids reside. Since am I working 7 of 8 days 12 hours nite shifts through Christmas, and since she gets ultra wacky during holidays, this seemed a good idea. But after 2 hours suffering through her scratching, hitting, grabbing the wheel, yelling, cursing, I aborted this sorry journey and returned home. Home, such as it is.
In the past I have left, even gotten an apartment. Last year I attempted a divorce, but I managed to hire a thieving attorney who didn't 'git r done'. Now I'm messed up: bad sleep, poor eating, no exercise. If it wasn't for my job providing some stability, who knows?
I guess here is why I posting: is it still OK to bail if a person talks suicide, health failing, all prospects appearing gone, just mailing it in. Somehow now it seems different, that I am responsible.
Thanx,
Steve
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
It is always ok to take care of oneself in my opinion. If your AW is spiraling down and does not want to help herself, its a matter of do you want to spiral down with her? You cannot change her. Only she can do that when and if she is ready to. You can change you own circumstances.
No, you are not responsible for her choices or actions. She is.
No, you are not responsible for her choices or actions. She is.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
i'm sorry steve
i'm sorry your going through this.
i can't be of much help, but i do have a questions about the ketones.
i think i have detected that on ah too. what does it means? i know the smell because i remember when my cat was a kitten and she would get that oder and i was told it was because she had not gotten rid of all the ketones?
what is it? sorry to barge with a question, but i had the same experience and was wondering.
wishing you the best, sorry i came with a question and not much help. thanks
i can't be of much help, but i do have a questions about the ketones.
i think i have detected that on ah too. what does it means? i know the smell because i remember when my cat was a kitten and she would get that oder and i was told it was because she had not gotten rid of all the ketones?
what is it? sorry to barge with a question, but i had the same experience and was wondering.
wishing you the best, sorry i came with a question and not much help. thanks
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
It is o.k. to bail, in my opinion.
Truth be told, I don't know what you are going through as it is my parents who were the alco's.
But, my mother never kicked my dad out, or left, and he basically, died at home anyway. He was determined. He died after a lengthy, horrible sickness.
So, IMHO, it is more a question of can you handle watching the disease kill her? My mom and brother are still pretty messed up 2yrs later, after my Dad died.
I had already moved out and across the country. I didn't witness it first-hand. All my other siblings did, though.
My mom (shes in A.A. the past 11years) and brother (no program) are messed up.
My sister is o.k. because she is a staunch Al anon--has been for 11 years.
I am back in the program, and dealing with my dad's choice.
Truth be told, I don't know what you are going through as it is my parents who were the alco's.
But, my mother never kicked my dad out, or left, and he basically, died at home anyway. He was determined. He died after a lengthy, horrible sickness.
So, IMHO, it is more a question of can you handle watching the disease kill her? My mom and brother are still pretty messed up 2yrs later, after my Dad died.
I had already moved out and across the country. I didn't witness it first-hand. All my other siblings did, though.
My mom (shes in A.A. the past 11years) and brother (no program) are messed up.
My sister is o.k. because she is a staunch Al anon--has been for 11 years.
I am back in the program, and dealing with my dad's choice.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Steve just like your AW you have choices-
Barbara gave some good advice up there-
What she is doing to herself is her choice-it is not your fault and you are not responsible in any shape or form!
I know that with my XABF as long as I kept a roof over his head and supplied food in the house he was going to make that choice to continue to drink, in other words as long as I enabled his choices he was going to drag me down with him because I was allowing it to happen and to be a part of it. I no longer allow anyone to make my choices of how i live my life and I do not allow addiction into my home. That is my choice-
What is your choice on how you want to live your life?
Not sure it is like this:
Barbara gave some good advice up there-
What she is doing to herself is her choice-it is not your fault and you are not responsible in any shape or form!
I know that with my XABF as long as I kept a roof over his head and supplied food in the house he was going to make that choice to continue to drink, in other words as long as I enabled his choices he was going to drag me down with him because I was allowing it to happen and to be a part of it. I no longer allow anyone to make my choices of how i live my life and I do not allow addiction into my home. That is my choice-
What is your choice on how you want to live your life?
Not sure it is like this:
Now I'm messed up: bad sleep, poor eating, no exercise
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
Sometimes you must let the drowning man drown.....otherwise they pull you under and you drown too!
Yes........its ok and moral to save yourself..... and your kids if you have them. It sounds like she has had the opportunity to go to rehab, AA, detox and she has chose to continue to drink.
You can choose too!! Choose life and chance for happiness again. You deserve it!!
Yes........its ok and moral to save yourself..... and your kids if you have them. It sounds like she has had the opportunity to go to rehab, AA, detox and she has chose to continue to drink.
You can choose too!! Choose life and chance for happiness again. You deserve it!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Van Alstyne Texas
Posts: 13
thanx to all!
You've reconfirmed what I knew, I just needed to hear it again. It's amazing how deadly serious this thing is. I've been hanging in there the longest time, and bought into each new beginning only to be devastatingly disappointed. Until lately.
Sorry, I can't explain the ketone thing. I'm a respiratory therapist, no MD. Sadly, a Doc explained it to me recently but I didn't grab 'aholdt' of it. There a relationship between ALT, AST, albumin, bilirubin, and I think ALP. It's too complicated for me to retain.
This forum is a teriffic resource.
Thanx again
Steve
Sorry, I can't explain the ketone thing. I'm a respiratory therapist, no MD. Sadly, a Doc explained it to me recently but I didn't grab 'aholdt' of it. There a relationship between ALT, AST, albumin, bilirubin, and I think ALP. It's too complicated for me to retain.
This forum is a teriffic resource.
Thanx again
Steve
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Good luck, Steve.
Maybe you can find time today to exercise. I found out by accident that, when I felt seized up by the decisions I had to face, loosening up my brain with exercise helped give me the clarity I needed to take one small step in the right direction with the rest of my body.
Plus....you'd be taking care of yourself. It sounds like you've really been neglecting yourself lately. That's just feeding the resentments and isn't making matters any better.
Can the crisis spare you for a half-hour today?
Hugs,
GiveLove
Maybe you can find time today to exercise. I found out by accident that, when I felt seized up by the decisions I had to face, loosening up my brain with exercise helped give me the clarity I needed to take one small step in the right direction with the rest of my body.
Plus....you'd be taking care of yourself. It sounds like you've really been neglecting yourself lately. That's just feeding the resentments and isn't making matters any better.
Can the crisis spare you for a half-hour today?
Hugs,
GiveLove
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 26
That's part of the insanity of this disease. It claims (willing) hostages and well as the alcoholic.
Why should there be two victims instead of one? One of my favorite sayings is "let go or be dragged." Good luck to you.
Why should there be two victims instead of one? One of my favorite sayings is "let go or be dragged." Good luck to you.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
It has been 2 years since I left, and I am still dealing with all the mess my xah created.
Its impossible to tell someone what to do in a situation like this because all situations are different.
But, there's a saying "When the pain of staying becomes worse than the pain of leaving, it's time to go."
She sounds like she simply does not want help. She's perfectly content to remain the same.
You can only make decisions that will help you maintain your own sanity.
Posting here and talking to others, really helps me think things out before I take any drastic steps that might alter my life dramatically.
Its impossible to tell someone what to do in a situation like this because all situations are different.
But, there's a saying "When the pain of staying becomes worse than the pain of leaving, it's time to go."
She sounds like she simply does not want help. She's perfectly content to remain the same.
You can only make decisions that will help you maintain your own sanity.
Posting here and talking to others, really helps me think things out before I take any drastic steps that might alter my life dramatically.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
who knows...your leaving night just help her find her bottom....and WANT to get sober this time.
hang inthere..try al-anon...even online meetings if youwork long hours.
Your not alone!!
hang inthere..try al-anon...even online meetings if youwork long hours.
Your not alone!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 98
Hopeangel and Whalespicy
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