Pajarito

The fear is so overwhelming - I need someone to help me deal with it.
Is this why I'm in this relationship - to learn how to deal with my fear? Oh wow, it's so hard if that's true.

I understand what you are thinking. . . Sometimes I wonder if this situation is an opportunity for me to deal with why I am who I am. I grew up in an abusive home. I have gone to counseling for years to deal with my issues from childhood as well as issues of living with my AH. There's nothing like hitting bottom, though to give us a real kick in the pants that yakking with a counselor can't. My eyes are opened up to some things that were hovering around the surface. NOW I have some real work to attend to with my counselor, and I am grateful to be really addressing some of the hard stuff I didn't get before. I was hoping my AH and I would be a success story- together through tough times and recovering together. That just isn't meant to be. In order for me to get really healthy I am going down a different path. My husband chooses to live in his insanity- I can't continue that route. I have too much to do yet, and I am bound and determined not to let me childhood issues or my behavior issues with my AH get in my way. I am creating a life for myself that I can be happy in. I know what you mean about feeling like that 7 year-old. It is like that for me at times. I try to "console" that little girl. I didn't have that growing up, so I am working on compassion for myself now- and taking care of myself by going to counseling, reading and reaching out to others is how I am doing it. Try some good things for yourself too- I am sure you will find a way to turn your life around.