An AWESOME story....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
An AWESOME story....
I recently had the opportunity (!?!?!?) to go on a business trip with my A son. We were to meet at my house to go together to the shuttle to the airport. He didn't show up.
I went to the shuttle location alone. I felt that terrible feeling of anxiety creeping up on me. I started the conversation in my head....you know the one.....I can't control him...etc. But the feeling kept getting stronger no matter how loud I talked with myself.
Before the shuttle arrived, he called me on my cell phone and began quacking at me. I told him that I was at the shuttle stop and if he made it good but if he didn't.....I'd go alone. That was that. I didn't critisize. I didn't yell. I didn't do anything.
Pretty soon a car pulled up and someone dropped him off at the shuttle stop. I said hello and gave him a hug. He wouldn't remove his sunglasses and I could smell the alcohol on him. I still said nothing. I just thought to myself "Oh crap.....I have to spend the next five days in the SAME hotel room with him." This is not looking good.
We went to the airport and needless to say he got the priviledge of going through the really thorough security area where they go through everything. He went through and when he came out I asked "Did they do a cavity search?" He laughed and said "No."
That was the beginning a truly wonderful trip with him.
We had to go to a business thing one evening......of all places it was held in a bar that had been closed for this event. I was caught up speaking with a business associate and my son disappeared to the bar. I saw him out of the corner of my eye drinking a beer. My heart fell to the floor.
Later, when we got back to our hotel room, we started to talk. Actually, he started quacking a bit about how angry he was that we "forced" him into treatment last year. He blamed me for "making" him have a beer that night. I simply said.....you chose to have a beer and I'm ok with that. It was your choice. Not one I would have made for you but it was your choice and I accept that. (Man was that hard for me to say outloud to him......I still felt the guilt that his words imposed on me but I didn't reveal that to him.)
That was the beginning of a wonderful conversation.
I told him that whether the treatment helped him or not was up to him but IT HELPED ME! I asked him......have you noticed a difference in me since you went into treatment? He said "yeah....I have. A good change." And I told him that I have seen a good change in him too but that we are both on our own journey to recovery and it will have it's ups and downs. It's successes and failures. And we have to accept each other for who we are and love each other. I told him that I will not make him feel guilty for drinking. That guilt (or lack thereof) is his burden to bear, not mine. He is responsible for him....I am not.
For the next three days that we were together on this trip we had a wonderful time. We enjoyed each other's company. We laughed. We talked. We began to have an adult to adult relationship.
I know that this is just a moment in time and there will be rough times ahead but I'm so thankful that the trip that started out like a nightmare turned out ok.
I am thankful for the treatment center he went to and the wonderful family program that they have. I am thankful for Alanon. I am thankful for this wonderful forum. I am thankful because a year ago.......was a very different story....for both of us.
I went to the shuttle location alone. I felt that terrible feeling of anxiety creeping up on me. I started the conversation in my head....you know the one.....I can't control him...etc. But the feeling kept getting stronger no matter how loud I talked with myself.
Before the shuttle arrived, he called me on my cell phone and began quacking at me. I told him that I was at the shuttle stop and if he made it good but if he didn't.....I'd go alone. That was that. I didn't critisize. I didn't yell. I didn't do anything.
Pretty soon a car pulled up and someone dropped him off at the shuttle stop. I said hello and gave him a hug. He wouldn't remove his sunglasses and I could smell the alcohol on him. I still said nothing. I just thought to myself "Oh crap.....I have to spend the next five days in the SAME hotel room with him." This is not looking good.
We went to the airport and needless to say he got the priviledge of going through the really thorough security area where they go through everything. He went through and when he came out I asked "Did they do a cavity search?" He laughed and said "No."
That was the beginning a truly wonderful trip with him.
We had to go to a business thing one evening......of all places it was held in a bar that had been closed for this event. I was caught up speaking with a business associate and my son disappeared to the bar. I saw him out of the corner of my eye drinking a beer. My heart fell to the floor.
Later, when we got back to our hotel room, we started to talk. Actually, he started quacking a bit about how angry he was that we "forced" him into treatment last year. He blamed me for "making" him have a beer that night. I simply said.....you chose to have a beer and I'm ok with that. It was your choice. Not one I would have made for you but it was your choice and I accept that. (Man was that hard for me to say outloud to him......I still felt the guilt that his words imposed on me but I didn't reveal that to him.)
That was the beginning of a wonderful conversation.
I told him that whether the treatment helped him or not was up to him but IT HELPED ME! I asked him......have you noticed a difference in me since you went into treatment? He said "yeah....I have. A good change." And I told him that I have seen a good change in him too but that we are both on our own journey to recovery and it will have it's ups and downs. It's successes and failures. And we have to accept each other for who we are and love each other. I told him that I will not make him feel guilty for drinking. That guilt (or lack thereof) is his burden to bear, not mine. He is responsible for him....I am not.
For the next three days that we were together on this trip we had a wonderful time. We enjoyed each other's company. We laughed. We talked. We began to have an adult to adult relationship.
I know that this is just a moment in time and there will be rough times ahead but I'm so thankful that the trip that started out like a nightmare turned out ok.
I am thankful for the treatment center he went to and the wonderful family program that they have. I am thankful for Alanon. I am thankful for this wonderful forum. I am thankful because a year ago.......was a very different story....for both of us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by swmnkdinthervr 
Awww...cut that out...gonna get me all weepy eyed...
That was a good story...reminded me of the time I spent a couple years ago with my son who is now sober 2 years!!!
That was a good story...reminded me of the time I spent a couple years ago with my son who is now sober 2 years!!!
gentle hugs to you
Take it easy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Springfield, Va
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by Kindeyes
Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to cause any leakage. (just trying to keep up the macho image) Glad to hear that your son has been sober for two years. That gives me hope for good things ahead.
gentle hugs to you
gentle hugs to you
Those were tears of joy...thanks
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
