Kindeyes

When a person is dealing with the chaos of a loved ones addiction, they suffer emotionally, mentally......and physically.

I've been reading the advice here and there is a common theme. Take care of yourself. Maybe I can shed a little light on why that is so important.

Worry. Those of us dealing with an addicted loved one are experts at worrying.....I mean we're REALLY good at it. We are obsessive about worry. It never stops. We can't sleep. We can't think. We can barely function sometimes because we are so worried about the constant turmoil of one crisis after another. (sound familiar?) This isn't the normal occasional crisis that most humans suffer. It is crisis du jour.

The obvious toll is the emotional and mental fallout from all that worry. But inside......our physical selves are being damaged too. The worry is eating us up.....and in my case.....quite literally.

My gut was so messed up from all that worry (there is an amazing connection between the brain and the gut--did you know that the digestive system has MORE neurons than the brain......or at least that's what my physician told me).

I dealt with years of my A son's crisis du jour and years of abdominal pain. I was in and out of the hospital with intestinal infections. Eventually......I ruptured my large intestine (colon). Well, I now call myself "abbreviated" and my dear husband affectionately calls me "straight shot". (We have to keep a sense of humor about this and I hope you have one too!)

The moral of this story is......take care of yourself. There are others who love you and depend on you and want you to be healthy and live a long life. I hope you can take care of yourself for YOU because YOU deserve it. Be healthy.

Take care of YOU!

gentle hugs to you all

JT

That is so true! I was on medication for the ...um...complications of worry. I then found other solutions and am healthy again.

Well said Kindeyes!

JT

Barbara52

Absolutely!

I didn't realize just how bad the physical effects on me had been until after I left. In the past 5 months, I have been able to get off my high blood pressure medication because my blood pressure has gone down. I have lost somewhere around 15 pounds because I am eating healthier and not stress eating as before. I feel ever so much better emotionally and physically.

I have 2 wonderful sons and want to be around for a long time to see where their paths lead them. They are both in college, one hopes to go to medical school. I want to see them grow up and be an old lady they can take care of.

SaTiT

I don't think an active addict or alki can truley appriciate that.
I'm so damn tired, burn out, worn out, I'm barly functioning.


I still have a slight pressure in my head..i don't know if you can
relate. Maybe i'm real close to a stroke..i don't know.
it's a struggle for me to take care of myself, now.

and the only thing she can say to me is..."I did that ?" jokingly

CBrown

I needed this thread today, thank you. I've been anxious about the XABF (reached an anniversary, which bothered me and got me going again), and I can feel it in my body as well. It's nowhere near as bad as when he was in my life, but I've been allowing him in my head way too much and that makes me do things that are counterproductive.

Kindeyes, if I'm going to be here to see grandkids, I've got to get rid of the anxiety. Thinking of it from your perspective, it seems selfish for me to worry about a person who probably doesn't remember my name, and certainly wouldn't lift a finger for me. I want to live to a healthy old age, if it's God's will, so I've got to get myself back on track again.

SaTit, I always get so much out of your posts. You lay it on the line, are candid about your feelings and don't pretend that you're in better shape than you are. I really appreciate and respect that. Maybe that's what's called "honest inventory." My wish for you is peaceful moments today.

ICU

Techie1701

Thank you for posting this.

I'm lucky enough to be in very good physical health, but I've been going through mild depression for a good while now, today is a good day. ADH hasn't had a drink in 17 days, but he isn't working any kind of a programme, and at this stage it isn't just about not drinking, it's about chosing a different way of life. I'm not helping him or myself at the moment, I'm cranky, uptight, angry, angry, angry and resentful. No, I haven't made it to al-anon yet I'm learning a lot from lurking around this board though, and when I'm ready I will go. For some reason, I feel 'peaceful' this week, it hasn't solved any problems, but at least I know that they can be solved some day.

Sorry for rambling.

Thanks again Kindeyes.

Kindeyes

Oh Yes. I can relate to all of you and how the stress affects our physical health.

A couple of notes here. My alcoholic son did not cause my medical problems and I hope that's not the message anyone took from this. The cause was the stress of dealing (or actually not properly dealing) with the disease of alcholism that caused those issues.

In recovery, I can now "feel" that stress hit me when my son does something that instantly causes those anxieties to surface. Before getting into my own recovery, the anxieties were always there. Constant. I couldn't "feel" them because that was my condition every single moment of every single day. It was my "normal".

Today I am physically healthy. Today my normal is pretty darn good. Today I am thankful that I can feel the difference between feeling good and feeling anxious!!!

When the stress trigger hits me, it feels really awful. I can recognize it and bring it under control. When my son does something that triggers these awful feelings, I stop and realize that I don't have to feel that way. I breathe. Deep slow breathes and start a conversation in my own head.

I bring ME under control because I know I can't control him.

gentle hugs to you all