In Shock
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
In Shock
Hi All
Ive been trying hard to detach from my Alcoholic, been back and forth more times than i can tell. On Monday he rang me to tell me that he'd been diagnosed with sarcoma cancer. I had worried for a long time about a large lump that had just come out of the blue on his upper leg, he had been for an MRI scan two weeks ago, not in a million years did i think of cancer not cancer. Im numb oh my god how can someones life just change so quickly.
Ive spent most of the weekend with him, there has been no drinking at all, we have just spent time together watching films and laughing. I am so sad, for the both of us. He is desperate to have a christmas at home but it looks likely that he'll be in hospital.
Im finding it hard to talk about this with him, i have read a lot over the last week about sarcoma cancer and im worried the choices that he will have are not good. He thinks that they can take the tumour out and that will be it. I fear that the cancer may have spread to his lungs, he has been admitted twice in the last 6 months with breathing problems. Until we see the specialist we just dont know how bad it's spread.
So at the moment im being strong for him, but inside im devestated.
Mair
Ive been trying hard to detach from my Alcoholic, been back and forth more times than i can tell. On Monday he rang me to tell me that he'd been diagnosed with sarcoma cancer. I had worried for a long time about a large lump that had just come out of the blue on his upper leg, he had been for an MRI scan two weeks ago, not in a million years did i think of cancer not cancer. Im numb oh my god how can someones life just change so quickly.
Ive spent most of the weekend with him, there has been no drinking at all, we have just spent time together watching films and laughing. I am so sad, for the both of us. He is desperate to have a christmas at home but it looks likely that he'll be in hospital.
Im finding it hard to talk about this with him, i have read a lot over the last week about sarcoma cancer and im worried the choices that he will have are not good. He thinks that they can take the tumour out and that will be it. I fear that the cancer may have spread to his lungs, he has been admitted twice in the last 6 months with breathing problems. Until we see the specialist we just dont know how bad it's spread.
So at the moment im being strong for him, but inside im devestated.
Mair
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
(((Mair))),
I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't have any experience to share. I can only imagine how scary it must be.
I understand you wanting to be strong for him, but please don't forget to be extra gentle with yourself too!
I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted!
I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't have any experience to share. I can only imagine how scary it must be.
I understand you wanting to be strong for him, but please don't forget to be extra gentle with yourself too!
I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
prynhawn da
Helo Mair,
iechyd da! Gwd lwc !
That is the little bit of Welsh that I know.
It is obvious that you still love and care about your ( Ex ?? ) boyfriend.
I am sorry to hear the bad news. People do recover from cancer.
Keep the faith.
iechyd da! Gwd lwc !
That is the little bit of Welsh that I know.
It is obvious that you still love and care about your ( Ex ?? ) boyfriend.
I am sorry to hear the bad news. People do recover from cancer.
Keep the faith.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
Mair ... I am so very sorry for the sad news and hope his optimism proves to be true. Please keep us posted! I am happy for you two that you have had happy moments this weekend together. Maybe this will be the turning point for both of you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
don't forget to be extra gentle with yourself too!
I wish you the same, Mair, because it is so easy to be drawn back in.
I am sending positive thoughts for successful surgery. I gather that, without you, your X is completely alone. Have you thought to investigate hospice care or home health care visitors for him so that you don't find yourself too involved with his convalescence?
Thinking of you.
ARL
I wish you the same, Mair, because it is so easy to be drawn back in.
I am sending positive thoughts for successful surgery. I gather that, without you, your X is completely alone. Have you thought to investigate hospice care or home health care visitors for him so that you don't find yourself too involved with his convalescence?
Thinking of you.
ARL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Cheney, Washington
Posts: 11
Mair,
Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. I will definitely be praying for you and him. I am glad that you two are spending time together, happy, and without any drinking. That is wonderful. Do be careful though. Especially in a time like this, it is easy to start taking care of the person. Of course he needs some care, but be sure to separate the necessary from enabling actions. Stay strong. You are in my thoughts.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. I will definitely be praying for you and him. I am glad that you two are spending time together, happy, and without any drinking. That is wonderful. Do be careful though. Especially in a time like this, it is easy to start taking care of the person. Of course he needs some care, but be sure to separate the necessary from enabling actions. Stay strong. You are in my thoughts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
Thank you so much for your replies it means a lot to me. I know that i have to be very careful not to be drawn back in to the drinking madness, and my rules still stands i will not be with him when he drinks, it still turns my stomach.
However i will do what ever it takes to make things comfortable for him if he lets me,or he might hit the bottle big time and end his days alone that's up to him it will be his choice.
Diolch Sprititual Seeker for your message, all of you thank you, my focus has had to change slightly but I will take care of me it's just so hard right now knowing whats right and whats wrong.
Mair xx
However i will do what ever it takes to make things comfortable for him if he lets me,or he might hit the bottle big time and end his days alone that's up to him it will be his choice.
Diolch Sprititual Seeker for your message, all of you thank you, my focus has had to change slightly but I will take care of me it's just so hard right now knowing whats right and whats wrong.
Mair xx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Husband....spending time with him not drinking...
Hi Mair,
I think you are well aware of your limits as far as being with your husband and he is also.
I have lost several good friends to cancer and one cousin and one uncle...so very devastating to hear about another person. :sorry
I wish you all the strength to stand up for yourself as you decide what you may or may not be able to do to help your husband with.
An illness such as this is so overwhelming to the family members since the patient does get help with his pain and all other needs if he requires 24 hour care.
But on the positive side, my husband's best friend, and a police officer in our community both had cancer and were treated and the cancer has been in remission for both of them. I don't know who chooses who makes it and who doesn''t though. There are many more in our small community that haven't made it, including my very best friend who hung in there like a trooper until the end.
She had quit drinking and was taking care of herself when all of a sudden the doc found she had cancer. So sad for all involved.
I will be sending thoughts and prayers your way for you and your family. Quality time together is most important if the rules are in check. You two must have lots of good memories together that will bring you closer during these difficult days ahead. :praying
kelsh
I think you are well aware of your limits as far as being with your husband and he is also.
I have lost several good friends to cancer and one cousin and one uncle...so very devastating to hear about another person. :sorry
I wish you all the strength to stand up for yourself as you decide what you may or may not be able to do to help your husband with.
An illness such as this is so overwhelming to the family members since the patient does get help with his pain and all other needs if he requires 24 hour care.
But on the positive side, my husband's best friend, and a police officer in our community both had cancer and were treated and the cancer has been in remission for both of them. I don't know who chooses who makes it and who doesn''t though. There are many more in our small community that haven't made it, including my very best friend who hung in there like a trooper until the end.
She had quit drinking and was taking care of herself when all of a sudden the doc found she had cancer. So sad for all involved.
I will be sending thoughts and prayers your way for you and your family. Quality time together is most important if the rules are in check. You two must have lots of good memories together that will bring you closer during these difficult days ahead. :praying
kelsh
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