Barbara52

Perhpas you should tell those folks who keep spreading the rumors to you that you really don't want or need to hear about him? The constant reminders/information sure doesn't help. I'm sorry this is causing you pain but you can take action to reduce the sources of the information and therefore reduce the pain you feel from it.

You will get to the point where whatever you hear won't hurt. I know this. But it takes time and it takes erffort on your part. It sounds liek you are working on you. Be patient with yourself. {hugs}

hbb

I know that i shouldn't care, and one day i probably wont (hope soon). I really don't hear every little thing about him but something like this i can't imagine not hearing somewhere. My mother works at the school too, not that she tells me much because she said the same thing about not hearing every detail.

NoChoice~ i'm so sorry you went through that as a child. Unfortunately, i know his family well enough that this is headed for an ugly scene. His parents are great, but his entire family and life is so screwed up that i even said myself i couldn't imagine how a family would be. Deep down i am glad that i'm not part of that mess but its still a shock although it shouldn't be. I see couples like them all the time that think a baby will fix things.........WRONG, only makes things worse in my opinion.....

hbb

I've heard this alot from friends and family and thats how i've taken the pressure off me of what did i do wrong. I know it got hard for him to keep up, or shall i say, take him away from the couch and playstation. He's a kid himself so good luck being a parent, if all of this is true. I often think of what it would be like to have someone healthy and active like myself. At least i'm back to half way there instead of going backwards and extremely settling and would have absolutely nothing but misery. I remind myself that i won't have to be the one calling around looking for what bar he's at at midnight with a child at home

guineapigjude

As bizarre as this might seem to the "outside world", it's great to come here and read that you're all as messed up as me! LOL, Seriously, it's comforting to hear how we all go through the same things ... kind of validates us. And we codies need validation!
I only know that you guys here have saved me from the snake pit more than once, so I know you're awesome people. Awesome people love with their whole hearts, so when the A breaks their heart, there's a lot of damage to heal.
Keep your chins up. It gets better. We'll get better, and be well.

hbb

I know life does go on and i'll be glad this is as far as it went with him. I'm sure they think that having a baby (once again if it's true) will "fix" everything. I think they are in for a rude awakening but better for her to find out than me. I wish i was as strong as alot of you and say sianara and good luck to him and his misery he calls life. Ok, i'm a little bitter tonight :wtf2

SaTiT

Are you feeling better today thou ??
Not as bad as yesterday?
Then that's progress.

You sound better today..so i hope you're feeling a little bit better.
Feel bitter then. it's okay not to feel stronge. You don't have to
try to keep it all together anymore. No more eggshells...you know
what i mean. You can breath now.

A Rude awakening is good..
it hasn't hit me yet..

Your feelings are not you. it's just what you feel at the moment

Don't foget to love youself thou.
I still have to remind myself everyday becuase i forget sometimes.

geees poncho

ABSOLUTLY BEST SMILEY I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!
I LAUGHT OUT LOUD, RARE FOR ME. ?--wtf

hbb

Geees ~ haha!!! My WTF smiley, i say that alot lately but have to be careful as we have a parrot and right now he's saying "sup" when you walk in the room and can't have him saying the F word lol!!!!!

Satit ~ I don't know how i feel at the moment, i think i'm still shocked if this is in deed whats happening. I was sad alot today which stinks because i spent the day with my dad visiting my gram in Boston. I wish i could have his outlook on life, he loves everyone, and is so calm all the time. He always says the right things and i know everyone has said the right things but i can't get it through my thick head that this relationship was toxic and rotten. And your exactly right, he is indeed in for a rude awakening.

Had some friends over for dinner and played a game so that was fun.

SaTiT

well..that's the oldest trait for an alki...

I'm her secret...you know what I'm saying ?
She's nice to everyone else..just not me.
i don't know...maybe becuase everyone else didn't have to live with her.lol
Suck the life force out of me and give it everyone else..i guess:rof

Freinds ????
oh shiet..where the hell did all of my friends go to

well..can't have friend over if there's a codi/alki cycle happening.lol

having fun with friends ? i miss that.

hbb

Thank God, i didn't lose my friends in this mess while we were together, he's walked away from all of his good friends and they told me it was because they would better him and tell him how it is. When he's hanging out at the Leigon with the other 90 year olds they don't care if he's there or not because they are all in the same boat. It's sad for a 34 year old in my opinion but his choice in the end. If i've heard it once, i've heard it a thousand times that misery loves company and thats them.

geees poncho

Some people just need drama drama drama, and I'v been with two, had my share.
I'V HAD ENOUGH DRAMA FOR A LIFE TIME
I CALL THEM (EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES) THEY SUCK YHE HAPPINESS RIGHT OUT OF YOU.

hbb

It's so true, we would be fine and no problems and something would pop up that had nothing to do with him and then he would make it his problem. I specifically asked him in the beginning if his life was this drama filled and he said no way....looking back, he doesn't know the difference because everything is drama so he wouldn't know a calm life (well he does now, my life) but i don't think he can hack that because something always has to be stirred up. His friend said that the reason he left is because i don't have enough drama in my life....no thanks, don't want it!

SaTiT

well...i kind of had a rude awaken last night of after I posted.
an after though or emotions didn't caught up yet.lol

that last time i had a freind come over ...she F%$#k him.

i mean..i share alot of stuff with my friends...but i my expectations
gets lower and lower.:rof

then people say i have trust issues....wtf???

are you feeling better today ?

hbb

I want to say that i'm so sorry your hurting too because i read how extremely sincere, helpful and valuable you are to this site. Umm today, not so much, just kinda getting through it. I've come to grips that if it is the truth it's more sad than anything else. To put a child through such hell is not fair. But that's for them to deal with. I'm struggling with the info. i get, i don't want to hear anymore, i've told my friends/family that i dont want to know really anything unless it is a money issue re my loan. But this, would have found out.

To boot, his mom is still sending me email stuff, jokes and what not. I'm overall better but i'm starting to think this is as good as it gets for me

good_luck

Why are you still communicating with his mother? That seems like something you could control easily enough, in terms of a connection to him. Does hearing from her really make you feel good?

hbb

Your right, it isn't good. It is joke emails she just forwards to a group of people, i guess i don't have the heart to tell her to send me nothing.

Actually, about a couple of months ago when his sister in law died, she called me so i wouldn't read it in the paper. I then took the opportunity to tell her that her son didn't just "take a break from me" and she knew nothing, i didnt go into details because of the tragic circumstances at the time. However, she asked me if we could get together, her and I. I took that time to tell her that it would be too hard and considering what happened that i couldn't do that and hoped she would understand. At that time, i thought she would get it. It's too bad, because of everyone, i loved her alot and we did alot together and had fun. I must say that she adored me and was so hopeful that he got his stuff together and we were together forever.

good_luck

I understand. I have had close relationships with exes' families in the past. But they were just something that I had to let go of, for various reasons. You know, I tested out the whole blocking email thing before employing it myself, and it is totally secret. People don't know that they are being blocked, their email just vanishes. I like that, because I don't want to seem petty, I just don't want to hear anymore.

hbb

OMG your so right, when she did call me, she went on and on about how well he was doing not drinking and going to tons of meetings yet she didn't know he lied to everyone, cheated on me, and whatever else so if she's that naive than that's for her! Blocking is a good idea, sometimes just seeing her name either excites me or bums me out. I know we would be disaterous together, not that i have that opportunity and even she has so many problems within her family that's it's just not practical to keep in touch or emotionally ok to do.

fluffyflea

Here is another way you can look at it, if you were still with him and having a baby, you'd have two kids to take care of not just one. All he wants is someone to take care of him and help keep being sick. eh doesn't want someone he feels threatened by. You didn't do a thing qwrong, you were just taking care of yourself.

My ex just hated it when I'd take a leap forward, it's so threatening to them.

Ngaire

hbb

Yes, i agree with that, he really has a child mentality which is sad in itself. He is stuck at that 16 year old way. No wonder why everyone flocked to me when i came along! They probably thought i would "fix" the problems and don't get me wrong, not knowing what i know now....i did just that. I waited on him hand and foot. Fed him, dressed him, did laundry and the list goes on. I was so head over heals that he wanted to be with someone like me and felt like it was a dream. Never did i believe i would be back out there again, this was it for me and i was BLINDLY in love and happy. All of you i believe have literally SAVED my life of years of misery and heartache.

Sometimes i think i would have caved and called and tried to talk to him again but you all have made it possible for me to see that this is not right and it will probably continue this way forever and to me forever is too long to be sad and not seek what is deserved for doing the correct things in life.

OK now i'm crying again!!