cdk1972

I am an English teacher, and had a guest speaker today. She had us write a "therapy" poem, and i thought immediately of this forum. We were to "spit" out what we fear. The more you write, the more things you think of, and the more silly some of them sound. Here's what I wrote, if you want to share, do so and we can analyze! :ghug

I fear losing my parents
i fear disappointing everyone
I fear being noticed as a failure
I fear loving someone too much
I fear not loving someone enough
I fear not being good enough
I fear being left for someone/something better
I fear being forgotten
I fear not being pretty enough will make me not be loved
I fear not "figuring it out" soon enough
I fear regret
I fear not being able to ever let go
I fear being alone forever
I fear judgment of my actions/looks
I fear not being able to finally accept myself one day.

I realized after writing this so many of these insecurities are what pushed me into unsuccessful relationships. I realize how shallow a lot of it sounds, and I realize I have a lot of work to do. And like i said, i fear that i wont "get it" soon enough.

ICU

Gosh, I hesitate to share my fears, not because I'm against sharing them, but rather, because I'd rather break them down into pieces to analyze, and, hopefully conquer them (not let them have power over me). Well, here are the fears that 'I'm working on'....

1. Losing my parents (a fear since childhood, but, not as debilitating as it used to be since I've learned to depend on me) Hope that doesn't sound heartless, 'cause that's not how I meant it.

2. My furkids outliving me ('cause no one will care for them like I will)

3. My ex reappearing in my life

4. Not having contributed something significant to the world (as in leaving the world in a slightly better place), or making a positive difference in someone's life

5. Becoming a bag lady (also a fear since childhood)

Sure, there are minor ones lurking somewhere in the back of my mind, but the 5 I've just mentioned came to me in about 2 second, so, they're the most important I guess. Some I've made progress on, others I've accepted are out of my hands.

I used to have many of the fears that you have on your list CDK, but I've worked through those already. I bet you will too!

hbb

First of all, that was really eye opening for me. My list doubles your with a few more! I'm trying to weed through mine and not be so hard on my self. But here's a few:

I fear losing my parents
I fear losing my brother
I fear my dad's lung disease (always daily)
I fear losing great friends
I fear not being financially stable
I fear a new relationship
I fear old relationships
I fear being alone and lonely
I fear never finding true happiness
I fear not being liked as a person
I fear i'll always be a pushover
I fear FEAR
I fear i'm not good enough to be loved by a partner
I fear weight

But i must add, that alot of the above i'm seeing that i don't need to be fearful of these things that are out of my control. Some of my above are not such big fears anymore. I'm digging deep weekly to get back to that person i was about 12 years ago, that life of the party, didn't have a care in the world girl

Spiritual Seeker

I fear old age
I fear my son will always be an addict
I fear that I will have a bad back
I fear that I won't express myself as I would like to
I fear abandonment

SaTiT

I have plenty of fears.

My biggest fear was that a damning GOD.

As a codi..one of my biggest fears was afraid of living alone
or being alone.

Fear of abandonment
Fear of not being good enough
Fear of lost

For me my perceptions has changed over the years.
I'm not fearful of having fears anymore.

The same as accepting my anger.

I belive working the steps from codependency piont of view
had help me greatly

However overwhelming..once I put fear in
as just another one of my emotions and accepting as just
that..it took the power out fear. Not entirely...but they became
less overwhelming.

Alot of it for me was ...I never process my fears or felt
my fears..so they became overwhelming when I feel fears.
So my mind didn't know what to do

it's how i react to my fears.

I think making a list of fears is very healthy. well, facing our fears
and excercising feeling them and processing them.

Courage is not without fears...it's facing our fears that we obtain
courage.

I'm Thai...if you ever visit Thailand. You see big statues of demons
in front of monisteris...Those things scared the living **** out of me
as a child..everytime we go to the monisteries...I would get the
hee bee gee bees.lol

No one had ever explain that to me...why they're there.
I was getting the impression of ..man.... do they warship
demons or what.lol

Well...after doing a little reserch of my background a little bit.
You know..trying to find myself..

Those status are put up to remind people to face their fears.lol

i still don't like to watch horror films..that's crazy for me.lol

mmm...that's why i don't like to live alone. I get all these
crazy thoughts of ghost or crazy spirits at night.

yeah...I still have to sleep with my night lights.lol

Barbara52

This is difficult. I really am have difficulty coming up with fears. The few I can come up with I think I would call them concerns more than fears:

I worry that I haven't done enough to save for my retirement.
I worry that I will sabotage myself or not work hard enough in my efforts in recovery.


But I also know all these are within my control. I guess that's why I can't call them fears. For me fears mean something I cannot control or have little impact on.

cdk1972

I fear my furbabies, too! NO ONE can love them as much as me, really. They can't. I'm glad i'm not the only one who fears these things. I appreciate all of these responses. They make me think....

Miss Pink

My single most greatest fear..........that I will forget and get sick with fatal and incurable codependency by dropping out of Al-anon.

I did it once.

Took me 3 years to come back. I never want to forget this is a life time recovery process. I never want to get that sick again.

prodigal

This is an extremely relevant post for me, personally, since I've been sitting alone this evening dealing with a fear that has haunted me since I was 8.

I have a VERY deep-seated fear of not being able to choose how I die and when I die. (How's THAT for an insane need to control something that is logically and inevitably out of my control???)

I fear dying in a hospital connected to tons of i.v.'s in a sterile atmosphere.
I fear not being of some significance while I'm here.
I fear dying before my beloved cats because nobody would care or love them the way I do.
I fear letting loose and really allowing myself to cry and grieve.

Let's face it, what I'm dealing with here are my own control issues!!!

JessicaNAJ

I fear of not being able to take care of my kids and not being able to be here for them.

NoChoice

Great topic....I am fearful of not embracing today for what it is. I feel so fortunate to be healthy, happy now for the most part, in good shape, have a job that I love, work with great people and of course my sobriety made it all possible. I thank God everyday for what I have.

But then sometimes I am sooooo hard on myself, I wish I were this or that, had this or that. I hope this makes sense. I am fearful that I will not smell the roses enough...know what I mean?

Some days I would say that I am afraid that I will never get married or have kids and other days I am perfectly happy alone...I don't know what I want. Maybe I am insatiable. Who knows. The one thing I know for sure is that I am happy alone. That is a whole lot more than I ever thought I would be thanks to the programs of AA and AlAnon.

aspiresobriety

I fear staying unhappy the rest of my life. The way I feel right now... I may as well end it all...

cdk1972

aspiresobriety-you are not alone in that thought. I often feel that way, too. The only thing that I hold on to is HOPE. Hope that i will find what i'm looking for. Hope that I will find happiness, hope that this isn't how i will feel forever. For if we lose hope, what else is there....it's the one thing that keeps human beings going...the hope for tomorrow, somethign better,happiness...whatever. Try not to lose that. I know it seems empty and unpromising, but I want so badly to believe that there IS such a thing as being content.

cdk1972

Maybe we should start a new thread about what he HOPE for, instead of what we FEAR!!!

ScottyC514

I fear letting Go, and letting the chips fall where they may.
I fear losing my son
I fear losing my son in some catastrophic accident that may have been prevented by my actions
I fear my inactions will fuel further hurt
I fear being misunderstood
I fear being lost in a thousand voices
I fear losing the men under me
I fear putting those in my charge in harms way
I fear not much in this world, but not being good enough or doing enough for those around me
I fear what my wife will do next, should I put my foot down

I FEAR NO MAN, and have walked through Sadr City in the Dead of night, and in the full bloom of the Sun during Summer at 120+ degrees..........I have been Baptized by firefight and lived through the night

I have lived through IED's and have rejoiced at the missions end

I Fear the Enemy that lay in my bed.............................

I Fear the Traitor at the end of the Crusade...................

guineapigjude

I fear that this is as good as it gets
I fear that I'm not "getting it "...
I fear that I haven't done enough, and when I "get it" it will be too late...
I fear my kids will be more influenced by my XAH than by me...
I fear that I'll have to move and lose my animals..
I fear that i might get lost in someone's madness again...
I fear the reign of terror XAH had me in ...
I fear his next move, even if it's just in my own mind ....

I know it will get better
I know the veil is lifting
I know I'm a great mom
I know God will provide
I know I am strong
I know I have the Power
I know he doesn't control me!

alynn07

I fear my RAH won't recover
I fear my RAH will recover but remain verbally abusive
I fear my son will follow his footsteps
I fear of losing my home
I fear of losing my family support
I fear of having hope and being let down-again
I fear of bankruptcy
I fear of things getting worse and not better
I fear if things get worse, my son may be severely affected
I fear of losing everything

On the other hand, I have gradually let go of these fears. "let go and let God."

MLALOK

I fear feeling this sadness forever.

ICU

MLALOK, I'm sorry you're feeling sad.

I don't know your story, but I'd like to. Perhaps you could share it with us on a new thread.

2Growstrong

FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real. All your fears represent what "could, might" happen in the future. It (fear) is a strange thing. It is supposed to keep us from discomfort by alerting us to danger, but is an uncomfortable feeling. For example we may be afraid of falling but once we start falling we are afraid of hitting the ground. Once we hit the ground we are afraid we may be injured...then we fear loss of jobs, incomes or being disabled. So our fears are always being projected in to the future. In my personal experience 23 years with an A gave me a doomsday mentality. Always expect the worst because that's what you usually get. So we have to retrain our brains to think a new way. Some people think the opposite of fear is love. Let love guide your decisions instead of fear. Maryanne