cooper

Counting down the days til our next visit to the psychiatrist. But I am wondering where to start that my AH went really well for a month and then back drinking, it sounds so unemotional. The feelings, disappointment, the lonliness, and to have to explain it all in spanish!!! It is hard enough in English. just three more days, and then what AH more promises me sniffing around for signs for drinking. The thing is he doesnt drink that much.... but I do notice the change in him and he rapidly gets depressed.We will see, surely he cant be too bad if he can keep off it for a month??? What makes him go back? I think he thinks he feels better and one beer wont hurt and wants to see if I notice the changes??

Barbara52

Why do you have to do this in Spanish if that is not your choice of language?

As far as what you say, the most important thing is honesty and opennes or therapoy of any sort just doesn't have a chance of helping. Is this joint marriage counselling or what?

ccirider

Hi Cooper:

What makes him go back? Well, I can only tell you what made me go back to my addictive ways. I was miserable, and I was miserable because I was living in a world that I wanted to change, yet had no power to do so. I carried the problems of the world on my back and it wound up breaking my back. I pleasured myself to relieve the pain only to learn that in the end I was adding to my misery.

Your husband needs a mentor if he is ready and willing to make a change in his life. Without a good mentor and a sincere desire to transform the addictive personality, success will be difficult.

Peace.

steve11694

coopers location is spain. maybe it is not easy to find a psychiatrist that has good enough command of english to conduct sessions is same. perhaps her husband does not have enough english command? who knows.

Barbara52

Thanks Steve. I really have to learn to pay attention to the inofrmation staring me in the face.

mushroom

Cooper, I'd be willing to bet that the psych already knows the emotions you're feeling, that he's heard it all before. I was asked in to a few different counseling sessions with my ex AH, and the counselors and shrinks already had his number, they just wanted to hear from me what it was that I saw him doing so they could compare that to what he told them. For instance, in one session, the shrink asked him how his personal hygiene was, (poor hygiene is an indication of depression) and AH said OK, and then I kinda snorted and the shrink asked me - I said he'd go days without showering or brushing his teeth, and he refused to go to the dentist. Shrink actually told AH, Boy it's a good thing she's here to tell me the truth! But they always already knew what he was up to, and what it was doing to me. We're none of us so different from anyone else with the same problems.

I don't know how fluent your Spanish is, but it might help to sit down with a bilingual dictionary and write down in Spanish what it is that you want to say, so you're not fumbling for words in the session.

Here in the States you'd be provided with an interpreter, but I guess Spain doesn't have enough of an immigrant population to need to do that.

Anybody can do anything for a month. Even stay dry. It's not at all the same as not being too bad, or being recovered. Mine was dry for 13 years (not recovered, just dry) before he started drinking himself to death. They can't keep it up for long.

NoChoice

My husband and I went to a counselor too. I could not believe how he wasn't honest about the things that were hurting me so bad. The counselor totally had his number too and when he decided to quit attending the counselor revealed to me that she married an A too and left him. She then married a sober A. She knew way more than I ever thought. God works in mysterious ways.

cooper

Thanks for all the support. 2 days to go. I think AH thinks that the feastive season is here and after they pass he´ll try again?? Also his 40th Birthday and all the spanish religious fiestas that require alot of vino! He went through them all before sober but some how I feel he id using them as an excuse ( rather obviously actually). Do any of you drink alcohol socially?

Barbara52

Yup. I enjoy a glas of wine now and then or a glass of Ameretto. But then, I don't miss it if I don't have it and I don't have an alcohol problem either. I did not drink much when still living with my AH. More for me than him since he didn't and doesn't admit to being an alcoholic and couldn't care less whether I drank or not.

steve11694

After all I have been through with aw and alanon and counseling and open aa meetings, i have a keen ability to detect alcoholics especially at social venues involving alcohol.