hbb

I understand that you chose to stay in your situation, i didn't have a choice with my turn of events. For me it wasn't that he was JUST an alcoholic, he was a cheater as well and i didn't stay nor would i have stayed.

I'm in no way saying i'm perfect but when does it get to the point that it is his fault?? Sometimes i find it hard to post here as i feel like sometimes it's all turned back on me. I know i'm a pushover but there comes a point where it is that other persons fault for THEIR actions and the pure hurt they have caused. I guess i'm waiting for him to realize that which will NEVER happen so for now and moving forward i'm working on me. But for me it's not a switch i can turn on and off, as you all know, i've been here a while I asked my therapist when did life become so hard.

Barbara52

My AH has traveled down that same road to an alternate reality. He's been "publishing" poetry on a site that alternates begtween hate poems about me and love poems about his new flame. I am the evil witch form hell and treated him like poop by leaving him iwthout warning and without reason.

I find it sad that he has convinced himself this is true. His denial is getting ever deeper. Other than that, it doesn't matter to me. I certainly doesn't change anything for me.

denny57

Fair enough; do you acknowledge you are choosing to stay focused on his behavior towards you?

What if the answer to that is never? Then what?

hbb

Yes, unfortunately i do trying hard to not focus on someone unhealthy and unworthy of a healthy relationship right now.


Yup, your exactly right, and more than likely he won't change so i'll have to cut my losses and seek out myself and a healthy relationship.

LaTeeDa

It's all about owning your power. You have the power to make your life or not. Bad things happen to everyone. Other people can be jerks. I can be a victim of them, or I can ask myself how to prevent it from happening again. I cannot prevent other people from being jerks. I CAN stop myself from believing lies, trusting untrustworthy people, taking responsibility for their actions, feeling bad about myself, sabotaging my own happiness, and a million other things. I can focus on the things I have control over (me), or I can focus on the things I have no control over (others). If I focus on what I cannot control, then life just happens to me. If I focus on things I have control over, life is what I make it. This does not mean nothing bad ever happens to me. It means I am driving, not a passenger. I can change course. I don't have to keep on going down the same painful road.

L

cagefree

Keep at it heather - you have already taken the difficult step of acknowledging things you would like to change...keep at it and you'll get there.

Especially in my anger phase - oh man what a mountain I felt faced with! I kept my head down and something kept me putting one foot in front of the other - when I looked up a couple months later I realized that mountian didn't look that tall anymore...

Keep at it - you can do it!

hbb

I think i'm past anger, i'm not an angry person anyways and find it hard to be angry! On occasion i feel sad but for the most part i think i'm entering another stage.

The most difficult part of this is seeing them.

Question: For those of you that live in the area of your XA and see either him or his gf, how do you cope with that. I keep telling myself hey good luck to them, they have nothing and less together. No hopes, dreams, money or true love. But i'm not going to lie, when i pass her it hurts badly, that "she won" feeling even though i deep down inside know that i won and won't be dragged down into misery with him. It's gut wrenching when i see either of them and i don't have the option to move right now.

Pajarito

Heather,
I don't know how you deal with it. My AH had an "emotional" affair 9 years ago. I was so hurt. This was with someone he went to school with and continued to go to school with for the next 2 years. I was a mess. I felt so consumed by it- don't ask me how I got over it. I don't think I really did. Now I am dealing with the same thing again, but my feeling about it has changed. It's a deal breaker. What has changed is me. I know I deserve better. However- if I had to see him with this person, I would be crushed. This is a man I've known for 17 years- a man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. How can that be easy? How can it be easy for you to have loved your bf and have him treat you the way he has? It's not easy. That's the bottome line. You feel sad. You need to feel that. I don't think you can ignore your feelings. But I do know you can feel them and then move on to something else. When I'm sad I let myself feel that. Instead of calling him, I call a friend or family member. I walk my dog, I journal, I read something that will make me feel better.

Your bf's new woman didn't win. You did. You have the opportunity to live your life for you now. And with everyday that you feel your feelings and come here for support you will be that much closer to believing you are worth more than what he gave you.

Barbara52

What she "won" doesn't sound like a prize to me.

hbb

Neither one of them did!! I have to keep reminding myself that I won in the end, no more drama or problems.