Another day another drunk
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: champlin, minnesota
Posts: 9
Another day another drunk
Hello everyone:-(
Today I came home from work and AH had children duty today. Guess what, he was passed out!!ARGHHHHHHH! He broke a dining room chair and was supposed to go to work as soon as I got home. "Tell Jimmy I'm sick" I called JImmy and told him the truth. But I didn't just let it go this time. I stayed on his butt chewing the whole time till he woke up enough to realize I was chewing butt and threatened to call the police on me because I slapped him. Yet he was the one with the doubled up fist ready to hit me. Then said he didn't want to hit me because he loved me. Luckily my neighbor took my older three children while the baby was sleeping so they didn't have to see all of this.
He said I don't want the kids to see me like this. Of course not! That would embarrass him in front of his kids despite the fact that they have seen him like this a million times. I'm afraid to go to work. What happens if some thing goes wrong and one of the children were hurt? He can't take them anywhere they would arrest him on the spot for child endangerment or more. I am so very tired but trying to be strong and stand up to him when he is drinking. Maybe I should let him hit me so he can see what he does when he sobers up. But I'm not the kind of person to let someone hit me. He tried but being as drunk as he was, he was just too darn slow to do anything.
Sorry had to vent and get it out otherwise I will just scream and crumple up on the floor and bawl like a baby.
Elsede
Today I came home from work and AH had children duty today. Guess what, he was passed out!!ARGHHHHHHH! He broke a dining room chair and was supposed to go to work as soon as I got home. "Tell Jimmy I'm sick" I called JImmy and told him the truth. But I didn't just let it go this time. I stayed on his butt chewing the whole time till he woke up enough to realize I was chewing butt and threatened to call the police on me because I slapped him. Yet he was the one with the doubled up fist ready to hit me. Then said he didn't want to hit me because he loved me. Luckily my neighbor took my older three children while the baby was sleeping so they didn't have to see all of this.
He said I don't want the kids to see me like this. Of course not! That would embarrass him in front of his kids despite the fact that they have seen him like this a million times. I'm afraid to go to work. What happens if some thing goes wrong and one of the children were hurt? He can't take them anywhere they would arrest him on the spot for child endangerment or more. I am so very tired but trying to be strong and stand up to him when he is drinking. Maybe I should let him hit me so he can see what he does when he sobers up. But I'm not the kind of person to let someone hit me. He tried but being as drunk as he was, he was just too darn slow to do anything.
Sorry had to vent and get it out otherwise I will just scream and crumple up on the floor and bawl like a baby.
Elsede
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Elsede
I am going to just skip through all the stuff about his drinking annoying you (not that I'm not symapthetic and know this is a terrible place to be), and jump right to something I see as a huge problem.
You hit him.
Hitting is abuse and it is not acceptable and you could have been arrrested, which would leave the care of your children to a passed out drunk.
And you wish he would hit you. See above.
And...
He was in charge of the children, including a baby, and was passed out!!!
I know it is easy to get disoriented when we are in the midst of this chaos, but please step back and take a clear look at what is happening, and do whatever you need to do to keep everyone safe.
My prayers go out for all of you....that you can get the help you each need and learn to live healthy lives again.
I am going to just skip through all the stuff about his drinking annoying you (not that I'm not symapthetic and know this is a terrible place to be), and jump right to something I see as a huge problem.
You hit him.
Hitting is abuse and it is not acceptable and you could have been arrrested, which would leave the care of your children to a passed out drunk.
And you wish he would hit you. See above.
And...
He was in charge of the children, including a baby, and was passed out!!!
I know it is easy to get disoriented when we are in the midst of this chaos, but please step back and take a clear look at what is happening, and do whatever you need to do to keep everyone safe.
My prayers go out for all of you....that you can get the help you each need and learn to live healthy lives again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Elsede,
Please come up with an alternate plan for the children while you are at work.......you are right in being concerned about something happening and him not being able to help, drive or whatever the need would be.
I have to second what Ann said about hitting......no matter how frustrating the situation, resorting to physical confrontation will not help you cause....only hinder. I didn't look to see where you live, but where I live you can get in serious trouble. Without too many details my sister was in the heat of an arguement with her now X and he grabbed her took her purse, she shoved him in the back and called 911 so he would let her leave (all the while their toddler was in car waiting to leave) She left went to work, police showed up an arrested her at work.....he showed them the red mark on his back where she pushed him. She had to pay fines, spend the day in jail, hire an attorney, plus she put herself in a vunerable situation for their divorce......she gave him the upper hand even tho he was the "loser" in that relationship. Please don't do that to yourself.....you need a plan about how to react BEFORE your in the situation.
Be safe, Constant
Please come up with an alternate plan for the children while you are at work.......you are right in being concerned about something happening and him not being able to help, drive or whatever the need would be.
I have to second what Ann said about hitting......no matter how frustrating the situation, resorting to physical confrontation will not help you cause....only hinder. I didn't look to see where you live, but where I live you can get in serious trouble. Without too many details my sister was in the heat of an arguement with her now X and he grabbed her took her purse, she shoved him in the back and called 911 so he would let her leave (all the while their toddler was in car waiting to leave) She left went to work, police showed up an arrested her at work.....he showed them the red mark on his back where she pushed him. She had to pay fines, spend the day in jail, hire an attorney, plus she put herself in a vunerable situation for their divorce......she gave him the upper hand even tho he was the "loser" in that relationship. Please don't do that to yourself.....you need a plan about how to react BEFORE your in the situation.
Be safe, Constant
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hello Elsede!
I know it is extremely hard but it is best that you do not get into confrontations while he is drunk. It sounds like he is too angry and when provoked he could hurt you. Finding a responsible person to leave the kids with is a must! That way you will not have to worry while you are at work. Take a deep breath and don't let him get to you. YOU have the power to take care of yourself and he can't get to you if you do not let him!!! He needs help but you can not force him to seek it. You can help yourself and that will help your kids.
Keep coming back... we are always here for you!!
Prayers and hugs,
matters
I know it is extremely hard but it is best that you do not get into confrontations while he is drunk. It sounds like he is too angry and when provoked he could hurt you. Finding a responsible person to leave the kids with is a must! That way you will not have to worry while you are at work. Take a deep breath and don't let him get to you. YOU have the power to take care of yourself and he can't get to you if you do not let him!!! He needs help but you can not force him to seek it. You can help yourself and that will help your kids.
Keep coming back... we are always here for you!!
Prayers and hugs,
matters
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: fresno Ca
Posts: 68
Elsede,
I have to agree with everyone. My mom and step dad on their wedding night got into it. My step dad was drunk and hit my mom but my mom had a hammer and got him good when he hit her. My mom called the police to come pick him up but instead picked her up. She had no marks and he did!!. I had to get her out of jail and thanks top my ex in laws they got her out. You don't want to end up in the same perdicament. I have come home myself to my husband passed out and my 8 year old taking care of my 2 year old. My oldest can't stand the drinking and thinks his dad needs to "grow up". Even worse I have walked in with my youngest crying like crazy in the dark because my husbands passed out. I will admit I have hit him in his sleep but boy the fustration gets to where you can't take it and you have to let it out some way. But,, that is not the way. Take a deep breath and remember that your kids have only you for stability. You should find someone who can help with the kids, the last thing you want is to have something happen on his watch, Because he is NOT watching them. Please take care and stay safe. You might want to have a bag with clothes for the kids and your self along with some cash. If it gets ugly you grab the bag and the kids and go. When they are drinking the violence can escalate quickly.. Lots of hugs to you and your kids.
Maryl
I have to agree with everyone. My mom and step dad on their wedding night got into it. My step dad was drunk and hit my mom but my mom had a hammer and got him good when he hit her. My mom called the police to come pick him up but instead picked her up. She had no marks and he did!!. I had to get her out of jail and thanks top my ex in laws they got her out. You don't want to end up in the same perdicament. I have come home myself to my husband passed out and my 8 year old taking care of my 2 year old. My oldest can't stand the drinking and thinks his dad needs to "grow up". Even worse I have walked in with my youngest crying like crazy in the dark because my husbands passed out. I will admit I have hit him in his sleep but boy the fustration gets to where you can't take it and you have to let it out some way. But,, that is not the way. Take a deep breath and remember that your kids have only you for stability. You should find someone who can help with the kids, the last thing you want is to have something happen on his watch, Because he is NOT watching them. Please take care and stay safe. You might want to have a bag with clothes for the kids and your self along with some cash. If it gets ugly you grab the bag and the kids and go. When they are drinking the violence can escalate quickly.. Lots of hugs to you and your kids.
Maryl
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: champlin, minnesota
Posts: 9
Thank you everyone for your input and good conscience. Sometimes you can just look at them and think what an idiot and then walk off just shaking your head. Then other times it you wonder what is going on and the hurt and anger get the best of you, especially when you are tired and exhausted.
I did find out the next day that he sent for a taxi to come take him somewhere but when the taxi got there he paid the driver $50 to go to the liquor store and buy him a bottle of vodka (usually he drinks bourbon), like I can't smell that on him either?
He called me at work the next day and told me the preverbial I'm sorry. But then says to me "but then that probably doesn't mean anything to you anymore since I tell you that all of the time and then do it again." I told him that yes his apology didn't really mean that much anymore. I love you but this is enough you put our children in danger when you do this. Then I said "do you want to quit honey? I, our children, your parents,your brothers, none of us can make that decision for you. Only you. If I didn't love you so much it would be easy to just walk away. But I can't just walk away. all I can do is work on myself and the children. YOU are responsible for the financial position we are now in and the downfall of the house and your own health. The drinking makes everything worse. I also let him know all of the nasty things that he said and did. He didn't remember them and tells me that I should know that he really does love me and that those things are the result of the alcohol. But I said "that doesn't make the hurt any less. You still said them and they hurt down to the core. Alcohol or no, those are things no wife ever wants to hear or should hear. it still hurts"
HE wants to get sober.
He then called me at home on Monday and asked if he should call his boss from the restaurant (he missed work on Saturday night) or if I should be the one to call his boss. I told him you need to talk to him , You made the mess now you have to clean it up. He asked me what I told Jimmy and I told him that I told Jimmy the truth that you were drunk and I wasn't going to lie for him anymore. He did call Jimmy and talked to him. He says he feels more like a loser when all of us talk to him about this. I just let him know that we love him and know that he can do better sober that he doesn't derserve to go get drunk and that we don't deserve to go thru the hell of him being drunk. He let me know that right at this time he can't face a whole bunch of people at a meeting that he wants to get things right with himself right now he will read The Book and if that can't help him like he knows he needs then he will go to meetings.
So far this is day 4 of being sober. Day 3 (usually when he decides to go get another bottle), he came home from work and said he was kind of grumpy that he had had a bad day at work. When I left to go to work, I was kind of leery, but got home and he was still sober. Thanked the good Lord for that little miracle of sobriety. To get him through the tough day without it is a small mirale in itself. He just called me from work, he woke up this morning really tired and when his boss at his main job (he has two jobs) came in he said it looked like he had been partying all night. AH says kind of ironic isn't it. But so far so good. All I can wish is that He continues on this path.
I am waiting for the withdrawls to start. That is a scary thing. I know the alcohol is getting out of his system because he has been asking for sweet things, ice cream, chocolate, etc. any thing loaded with sugar. HIs body isn't getting the sugar he was consuming from the alcohol. Is there anything I can do to help him with the DT's?
Sorry this is so long but this is 3 days worth of hope.
El
I did find out the next day that he sent for a taxi to come take him somewhere but when the taxi got there he paid the driver $50 to go to the liquor store and buy him a bottle of vodka (usually he drinks bourbon), like I can't smell that on him either?
He called me at work the next day and told me the preverbial I'm sorry. But then says to me "but then that probably doesn't mean anything to you anymore since I tell you that all of the time and then do it again." I told him that yes his apology didn't really mean that much anymore. I love you but this is enough you put our children in danger when you do this. Then I said "do you want to quit honey? I, our children, your parents,your brothers, none of us can make that decision for you. Only you. If I didn't love you so much it would be easy to just walk away. But I can't just walk away. all I can do is work on myself and the children. YOU are responsible for the financial position we are now in and the downfall of the house and your own health. The drinking makes everything worse. I also let him know all of the nasty things that he said and did. He didn't remember them and tells me that I should know that he really does love me and that those things are the result of the alcohol. But I said "that doesn't make the hurt any less. You still said them and they hurt down to the core. Alcohol or no, those are things no wife ever wants to hear or should hear. it still hurts"
HE wants to get sober.
He then called me at home on Monday and asked if he should call his boss from the restaurant (he missed work on Saturday night) or if I should be the one to call his boss. I told him you need to talk to him , You made the mess now you have to clean it up. He asked me what I told Jimmy and I told him that I told Jimmy the truth that you were drunk and I wasn't going to lie for him anymore. He did call Jimmy and talked to him. He says he feels more like a loser when all of us talk to him about this. I just let him know that we love him and know that he can do better sober that he doesn't derserve to go get drunk and that we don't deserve to go thru the hell of him being drunk. He let me know that right at this time he can't face a whole bunch of people at a meeting that he wants to get things right with himself right now he will read The Book and if that can't help him like he knows he needs then he will go to meetings.
So far this is day 4 of being sober. Day 3 (usually when he decides to go get another bottle), he came home from work and said he was kind of grumpy that he had had a bad day at work. When I left to go to work, I was kind of leery, but got home and he was still sober. Thanked the good Lord for that little miracle of sobriety. To get him through the tough day without it is a small mirale in itself. He just called me from work, he woke up this morning really tired and when his boss at his main job (he has two jobs) came in he said it looked like he had been partying all night. AH says kind of ironic isn't it. But so far so good. All I can wish is that He continues on this path.
I am waiting for the withdrawls to start. That is a scary thing. I know the alcohol is getting out of his system because he has been asking for sweet things, ice cream, chocolate, etc. any thing loaded with sugar. HIs body isn't getting the sugar he was consuming from the alcohol. Is there anything I can do to help him with the DT's?
Sorry this is so long but this is 3 days worth of hope.
El
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
elsede
I am happy for you that things are going better. If he is on Day 3 then his detox is well under way and his craving for sweets will help him get through it. Good nutrition, good rest and exercise like walking all help too. Keeping busy will help keep his mind off his withdrawls too.
He may not go to meetings yet, but my suggestion for you would be to go to Al-Anon anyway. Your recovery is about you and how you can keep your life balanced, whether he keeps his balanced or not. You would be doing yourself a huge favour.
It sounds like he is giving it a good try, and action speaks louder than words.
It's all one day at a time - for them and for us. Hope your day is beautiful.
I am happy for you that things are going better. If he is on Day 3 then his detox is well under way and his craving for sweets will help him get through it. Good nutrition, good rest and exercise like walking all help too. Keeping busy will help keep his mind off his withdrawls too.
He may not go to meetings yet, but my suggestion for you would be to go to Al-Anon anyway. Your recovery is about you and how you can keep your life balanced, whether he keeps his balanced or not. You would be doing yourself a huge favour.
It sounds like he is giving it a good try, and action speaks louder than words.
It's all one day at a time - for them and for us. Hope your day is beautiful.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Hi El - I am relieved for you to know that things are now calmer at your house, and I hope your hubby will eventually come to understand how going to meetings and working the programme will only benefit him, but in the meantime doing all the things that Ann mentioned are really helpful. If he is willing to go, a visit with his doctor wouldn't be a bad idea, although we all know what it's like trying to get men to see a doctor! Alcohol really takes its toll and your hubby is going to feel like crap for a while, but it will pass. Drinking lots of fluids is also good as it helps to flush the system.
I hope you will be able to attend some meetings too, El, if you can swing it - with 4 kids I know that may not be the easiest thing, but will do you the world of good too. Whether you do or not, keep posting here and read whatever literature you can get your hands on, as well - the more you can learn about focusing on your own life and serenity and working your own programme, the easier it will be for you to deal with whatever may come in the future.
Keep posting - we are here for you!
I hope you will be able to attend some meetings too, El, if you can swing it - with 4 kids I know that may not be the easiest thing, but will do you the world of good too. Whether you do or not, keep posting here and read whatever literature you can get your hands on, as well - the more you can learn about focusing on your own life and serenity and working your own programme, the easier it will be for you to deal with whatever may come in the future.
Keep posting - we are here for you!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
