Happy Holidays:)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Happy Holidays:)
It's been awhile since I've stopped by. I hope all doing better and having good holidays.
Some of you know that my 28 yr old son has a drinking problem. It's escalated. He's recently lost his girlfriend, his job and Christmas day 2005 is the day that his favorite uncle was found dead in his home of an accidental drug overdose.
My son, L, lives in one of my real estate homes. He has never paid rent on time and very rarely in full. He's been in there 1.5 years. I did hire a property manager back in June, so L got a roommate, Chris, and they both paid rent together on time until Chris moved out in Sept.
Chris left all of his belongings in the garage of the condo. L has let him. But, Chris doesn't have a lease with me anymore since he moved. I needed to get another property management company and they will start Dec. 1.
L has said that he wanted to move and so this new property management company will start advertising that right away and will show the condo to potential new renters. They've told me, though, that Chris' belongings need to be out of the garage before showing it. I've told Chris a couple of times that he needs to move his belongings. He hasn't. I don't think he can afford to put his things in storage.
By law, I can have a sheriff come over and watch me move Chris' stuff out of the garage, but I DON'T want to do that. L is close with Chris. Chris is the brother of L's long time girlfriend that just broke up with him because of his drinking.
I'm afraid if I do that, it will really hurt L and, being that he's so fragile right now, I don't know if I want to take that chance of making things harder for L.
Is the timing not right? I know I've been enabling L by letting him slide on the rent, but I'm afraid with this new company (who is NOT gonna take any excuses. they stick with the lease) that this might cause even more damage.
What should I do? I'm clueless.
Thank you SO much in advance!
((hugs))
Some of you know that my 28 yr old son has a drinking problem. It's escalated. He's recently lost his girlfriend, his job and Christmas day 2005 is the day that his favorite uncle was found dead in his home of an accidental drug overdose.
My son, L, lives in one of my real estate homes. He has never paid rent on time and very rarely in full. He's been in there 1.5 years. I did hire a property manager back in June, so L got a roommate, Chris, and they both paid rent together on time until Chris moved out in Sept.
Chris left all of his belongings in the garage of the condo. L has let him. But, Chris doesn't have a lease with me anymore since he moved. I needed to get another property management company and they will start Dec. 1.
L has said that he wanted to move and so this new property management company will start advertising that right away and will show the condo to potential new renters. They've told me, though, that Chris' belongings need to be out of the garage before showing it. I've told Chris a couple of times that he needs to move his belongings. He hasn't. I don't think he can afford to put his things in storage.
By law, I can have a sheriff come over and watch me move Chris' stuff out of the garage, but I DON'T want to do that. L is close with Chris. Chris is the brother of L's long time girlfriend that just broke up with him because of his drinking.
I'm afraid if I do that, it will really hurt L and, being that he's so fragile right now, I don't know if I want to take that chance of making things harder for L.
Is the timing not right? I know I've been enabling L by letting him slide on the rent, but I'm afraid with this new company (who is NOT gonna take any excuses. they stick with the lease) that this might cause even more damage.
What should I do? I'm clueless.
Thank you SO much in advance!
((hugs))
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Why didn't your son advertise for a room mate when he knew the current one was moving out? It doesn't sound like he is taking full respons. for himself knowing that you let things slide. No matter how much we want them to be responsible a lot of our sons + daughters have to learn the hard way. My son has no regard for conseq.
I have learned to protect my property from him destroying it.
I have learned to protect my property from him destroying it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
When facing a decision, I find it helps me to write down the choices. Usually when I see them in black and white, the right choice becomes clear. If it doesn't, I go one step further and do a pro and con list for each choice. I think if you do this, it might be more clear to you. That doesn't mean it will be any easier, lol.
L
L
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Thank you both!
No, my son isn't taking any responsibility. AND, what's worse is that his Dad, my ex (we divorced in 1984. He was physically/emotionally abusive and I had to leave with my two children, just 5 and 3 at the time....for their sake and mine.) is still controlling, gives L $$ and doesn't want to talk to me at all.
He thinks he's been the only parent to those kids all these years. He could give them more $ wise because his profession pays far more than mine does, but that's it. I think he keeps them sooo close to him...he calls them every day, needs to know what they're doing, tells them what to do and manages my daughter's $$, because he's 50yrs old and single, never remarried and he's afraid of HIMSELF being alone.
But, that's not helping my son. OR my daughter. I've mentioned to him for just us two to go to therapy for a couple of sessions just to get on the right footing with each other for the kids' sake. No answer back. He won't. He wouldn't back then and he won't know because of his fear of what might be said to him...????
So, that's another wall that's in the way. My ex's little brother was the one that O'D on Christmas Day 2005 and he was the one that found him. YOu'd think that he'd want to do anything to keep that from happening to our son, L. But, it's not happening.
I suggest Al Anon books for him to read just to maybe get some insight to the fact that where there's an addict, the whole family shares that.
My daughter, thank God, is willing to do what needs to be done whether it's an Intervention or whatever and she's been going to AL Anon meetings and so am I. So, hopefully, with the two of us, we'll work together on this for L's sake.
((hugs))
No, my son isn't taking any responsibility. AND, what's worse is that his Dad, my ex (we divorced in 1984. He was physically/emotionally abusive and I had to leave with my two children, just 5 and 3 at the time....for their sake and mine.) is still controlling, gives L $$ and doesn't want to talk to me at all.
He thinks he's been the only parent to those kids all these years. He could give them more $ wise because his profession pays far more than mine does, but that's it. I think he keeps them sooo close to him...he calls them every day, needs to know what they're doing, tells them what to do and manages my daughter's $$, because he's 50yrs old and single, never remarried and he's afraid of HIMSELF being alone.
But, that's not helping my son. OR my daughter. I've mentioned to him for just us two to go to therapy for a couple of sessions just to get on the right footing with each other for the kids' sake. No answer back. He won't. He wouldn't back then and he won't know because of his fear of what might be said to him...????
So, that's another wall that's in the way. My ex's little brother was the one that O'D on Christmas Day 2005 and he was the one that found him. YOu'd think that he'd want to do anything to keep that from happening to our son, L. But, it's not happening.
I suggest Al Anon books for him to read just to maybe get some insight to the fact that where there's an addict, the whole family shares that.
My daughter, thank God, is willing to do what needs to be done whether it's an Intervention or whatever and she's been going to AL Anon meetings and so am I. So, hopefully, with the two of us, we'll work together on this for L's sake.
((hugs))
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