Giving thanks
 

Today I give thanks to my HP for showing me that leaving the A will be the best thing for all of us. We had family over for thanksgiving and the AH put on his usual devoted helpful husband act which was causing me to have doubts (just tiny ones) about carrying out my plan to file for divorce at year end. The disease never rests for long though, the A came home from work yesterday and in an extra crappy mood (can you say withdrawals? I can). Then came the usual evening drinking dance of him moving between the garage, bathroom, and "going to the store for cigarettes" (mind you I am not a snooper and never have been, this is part of his "I can control my drinking" campaign, I guess if I don't see him drinking it does not count :rolleyes:). Laying in bed this a.m. I hear him in his bathroom pulling empty beer cans out from under the sink to throw out (apparently I am now deaf in addition to being stupid and blind).

My first thought was "I cannot wait until the day that I never have to hear that sound again".

Oh, I remember those days! Everybody thought he was such a good father. He was such a good actor! And those drives! He always had to go out to get cigarettes or a change of scenery. I remember not being able to sleep, wondering how much money he was spending, who he was sleeping with and whether he would crash the car on his way home.

Ditto
 

Everybody thought and still thinks my XAH is such a wonderful employee, role model, uncle, neighbor....I think that was a very hard part about leaving. Part of me wanted to tell the world how dreadful he truly is and part of me knows better. I found that I was able to talk it over with some friends in recovery, the rest, I really don't have to explain anything to any of them. That is takes effort for me not to blab about how awful he was, I am not perfect and I have slipped up but try to exercise restraint of my tongue!