Exorcising The Alcoholic Ghost
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
Exorcising The Alcoholic Ghost
I'm moving forward with life, busy with hobbies, work, lessons and just plain living. I'm happy, having good times with friends, and life is a lot calmer than it was a few months ago. No more chaos, high-strung nerves, pain and all that. I don't miss my XABF, nor would I want him back. Even the curiosity of what he's up to has pretty much faded. I just don't care because I know it's probably the same old story over and over, just with a different woman.
Yet he still lingers like a ghost. It might be a quick thought when something reminds me of him when I'm out, and mainly the ghost comes around when I'm at home by myself, online, on here, doing anything. I don't rehash things in my mind like "why" or "what if" but he's just THERE, like a presence.
I wish I just wouldn't think about him - period, but it doesn't seem that easy. Maybe if I started dating someone he'd be gone. But I'm not sure I want to date. What do you do, just live with the ghost until it gives up? Quit complaining? Count my blessings I'm even at this stage and shut up?
Yet he still lingers like a ghost. It might be a quick thought when something reminds me of him when I'm out, and mainly the ghost comes around when I'm at home by myself, online, on here, doing anything. I don't rehash things in my mind like "why" or "what if" but he's just THERE, like a presence.
I wish I just wouldn't think about him - period, but it doesn't seem that easy. Maybe if I started dating someone he'd be gone. But I'm not sure I want to date. What do you do, just live with the ghost until it gives up? Quit complaining? Count my blessings I'm even at this stage and shut up?
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I know that ghost too. I figure I'm stuck with this ghost until my divorce goes final and our house is sold. Until then I have to allow the ghost to come in and stay a little. But then I will be able to have the final exorcism and kick him out.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
The ghost goes away in time, Claudia.
You're doing great.
There are just a lot of mental connections whose threads still lead to him, because of your visual and auditory memories. When some time passes and you successfully replace those connections with other people, places and things, he will show up in your mind's eye less and less.
I know it's annoying but it will work itself out. At least that's the way it worked with me....hoping that happens quickly for you!
You're doing great.
There are just a lot of mental connections whose threads still lead to him, because of your visual and auditory memories. When some time passes and you successfully replace those connections with other people, places and things, he will show up in your mind's eye less and less.
I know it's annoying but it will work itself out. At least that's the way it worked with me....hoping that happens quickly for you!
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
It's been almost three years since I left my ex-wife. We stayed in contact for awhile as the divorce got done. Then I slowly built a new life for myself. As others have said, that "ghost" got fainter and fainter as time went on.
Today the "ghost" is gone. when I do think of my ex I remember the good times, and how wonderful she was before the addiction took over. I no longer have even the slightest ache for what I lost, I have accepted it. learned from it, and moved on.
I dated a couple of wonderful ladies, and am now working on what I hope will become a long term relationship. Maybe it won't, maybe it will, that's up to the HP to decide. I have new friends, a new life, and yes, new problems. I have survived and overcome. My future is going to be wonderful, because I have learned how to adapt my expectations to whatever the world throws at me. Thanx to al-anon I am no longer trying to force the world to fit my expecations.
Mike
Today the "ghost" is gone. when I do think of my ex I remember the good times, and how wonderful she was before the addiction took over. I no longer have even the slightest ache for what I lost, I have accepted it. learned from it, and moved on.
I dated a couple of wonderful ladies, and am now working on what I hope will become a long term relationship. Maybe it won't, maybe it will, that's up to the HP to decide. I have new friends, a new life, and yes, new problems. I have survived and overcome. My future is going to be wonderful, because I have learned how to adapt my expectations to whatever the world throws at me. Thanx to al-anon I am no longer trying to force the world to fit my expecations.
Mike
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