mamajama

New TO this site, that is, but not new to recovery. I am married to an alcoholic and have been practicing detachment for the last year or so with some success. My H came to me a few weeks ago and confessed that he couldn't cope anymore and wanted help. He has been to AA in the past, but was not successful, so he suggested inpatient treatment (which is also a 12 step program). So, for the first time in a long time, I intervened and called the treatment center and got information about the cost and gave them his insurance info.

I came home and told dh what I did and he said ok, he was ready to go, but since we had made plans to fly his children in from a different state, that he wanted to go after Christmas. Fine with me ... I passed this info on to the treatment center -- they thought it would be better for him to come in right away, but agreed to work with him after Christmas. I had a voicemail from the treatment center today so I called them back to let them know that my H was going to call in so they could do an assessment. I get a different person on the phone this time and he became very beligerent when I told him that we planned to come in the day after Christmas. He told me that if H could wait until then, then he probably didn't need treatment. WHAT???!!! He told me to get H in an outpatient program. (which we have tried twice in the past without success). I told him that I had talked to 2 other people and that they said they would work with us, but in a nasty way, he informed me that HE was the INTAKE DIRECTOR, and that if H wanted to get better he would come in NOW. Well, I understand his point, but how could he make a judgment like that without even speaking to my H? I called an Al Anon friend who said that the mean guy was probably a recovering alcoholic who is one of the hardline AA guys. OK, I get that, don't cut the alcoholic any slack, but do you discourage a person who wants to get better? H has several reasons for going in next month including the fact that he is not allowed to take vacation from work until after December 23rd. And his kids, who he hasn't seen in 6 months, will be here (and their tickets are paid for).

I can't tell you how upset I am! Here, I think that God has opened a window and it gets slammed shut by a person who decides, without speaking with the alcoholic, whether he is ready or not. I am going to try one more time to get this thing going, and then I am done. I can already see that it is taking a toll on me because I have become too involved. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

:praying

Barbara52

Wow. What an unhelpful reaction. Perhaps look for a different facility?

mamajama

I think this center has a good reputation, just this guy is being unreasonable. Also, I have called a few places - most don't take our insurance and the alternative is thousands of dollars (that we don't have). One place I called wanted $25,000. Uh, yeah ...

:atv

Barbara52

The Intake Director has a boss. Talk to that person perhaps. And then, well, give the choice to your husband. He can arrange it all himself.

HolyQow

Like someone already said, try searching for a new facility. It's sad that there are people wanting to get help, and planning ahead, only to get smacked in the face by someone having a bad day at work. I wonder what their reaction would have been if you called New Year's day and wanted to be admitted same day?! My understanding is that there is a waiting list for most of these places, and to plan now, to be admitted in 30 or 60 days from now seems like it's the best plan to me. I guess the facilities see it as an excuse (maybe they have seen it too many times to count) and just figure if a person isn't willing to come in TODAY, then they won't show up next month either. Possibly, holding an opening for someone is not an option, if someone else is seeking help immediately?

No matter what the reason, if they were already rude to you, they will never be willing to work with the entire family. If they have already treated you like dirt, I would not want them teaching my AH how to treat me the same way (as if he needs any help in that dept.). I doubt any recovery would have much chance of success if someone was not comfortable about a place even before checking in. The difference here is, my AH would not even notice if someone was nasty to me. He just lets it go as if nothing happened. If you cannot find another place, turn the details over to AH and let him deal with them.

Anyways, I am glad he wants to get help. That's always the first step.