hopeangel

well, the atty. sent ah a letter explaining the settlement i was offered for my car accident-the severe injuries i suffered and explaining that he advised this be settled as quickly as possible. the longer it goes without being settled and if it has to go to court it will cost me more money and i will not gain a thing. he asked that he be contacted within two days.

what did ah get out of this? that he was not going to do a thing and that the longer i wait to "do the deed" the more it is going to cost me. ugh! oh, he did try bartering though, well, i understand that you feel it is prostitution, so what if you do "this deed" or "that deed" instead? i told him i was a human being and forget it.

there was lots of crying this weekend too. i tried to reach him on an emotional level. i thought i could (and did for about 5 minutes -lol) because he called me from the cemetary visiting MIL that died. whenever he is faced with true emotion he runs. i told him heartfelt that i missed him and i loved him. i would think i was getting through, then, he said he can't stand me and that he was only trying to get it from me. i said, okay, if you can't stand me then why do you want to have sex with me? i asked him just to sign the paper and let me go that the quicker he signs it the quicker it can be done. i told him that i was not fighting him on anything anymore. i am not standing in the way of his drinking. i told him there was no reason to attack or hurt me anymore. he has nothing to defend against me anymore.

am i wrong for having thoughts of just forging his name? or just taking a pen to his hand when he is passed out and "helping" him sign it?

so, i have to call the atty. today cause unlike him when an atty. asks me to do something i pay attention. i asked him this morning what he was going to do and he would not respond. i told him i would call the atty. today and see what my next option is then.

i think i will call right in front of him tonight, so he knows i am serious. also, i think he has agreed to go to counseling with me tomorrow night. maybe the counselor can talk some sense into him? so, i don't want to press to much until then? do you think calling the atty. tonight in front of him is a good idea?

LaTeeDa

So, the power struggle continues. And now you want to enlist the counselor to help you win. The way I see it, he wants to punish you. And the more you fight with him about it, the more he gets to see you suffer. I think it's time to let it go. Have the attorney do what he can and let go of the outcome. Or you can continue to fight about it, go back to court, and end up with nothing anyway.

Have you had enough of trying to get him to "see the light" yet?

L

hopeangel

"Have the attorney do what he can and let go of the outcome. Or you can continue to fight about it, go back to court, and end up with nothing anyway.

Have you had enough of trying to get him to "see the light" yet?"

i get what you are saying i really do, but i feel like i am in a nightmare, yanno?

"Or you can continue to fight about it, go back to court, and end up with nothing anyway." - what is my other choice if he will not sign the papers willingly? it WILL go to court if he doesn't sign and i will end up with nothing. so, what is my other options? stop fighting and "do the deed" with him (basically rape) and keep my money in tact? that's the only way i could stop the fighting. get what i am saying? PLEASE I SERIOUSLY FEEL HELPLESS! i'm sorry, but i'm about in tears right now thinking about how awful my situation is. it is not a matter of me just being stubborn - it is another form of abuse. i feel completely victomized. he has found a way to control and is hanging tight to it.

if i give in to him and "do the deed" just to get money that is rightfully mine can you imagine what that would do to my self-esteem, pride, self respect, psychie, mental health, my soul, my character, my self worth???

LaTeeDa

No, absolutely not. That is not what I meant. I meant let it go. He will not sign and you cannot make him sign. So, what is the next right thing to do? Maybe it's looking into divorce and how that might change things. Maybe it's just getting away from him for a while to assess your options. Maybe it's renting a place to live away from him. Maybe it's facing the possibility you will never see a dime from that settlement. If that comes to pass, what will you do then? I know the choices you face may not seem palatable, but you will have to face them sooner or later. What are you going to do about you, regardless of what he does?

L

LaTeeDa

Oh, and from what you've told us, I bet he still wouldn't sign even if you did.

L

GiveLove

Nobody's suggesting you do that. Nobody.

The thought is that you continue to try to get him to "see the light" and you continue to try to engage with him emotionally and you continue to try to get him to change. You two are locked in a game with each other, both willingly playing, both dying to win.

What happens if you just turn it over to an attorney, and if he still won't sign, you walk away?

Does your life end?
You will never again be happy?
Will the rest of your life be a dark, joyless, horrible, waste of time?
Like hell on earth? Wishing you'd never been born? Never again to see the light of day?

You are so locked in your situation, hopeangel, that you can't see that walking away is a viable option if this attorney can't get him to cooperate. I myself would get another attorney (a meaner one) if this one doesn't come through, but that's only because I know a lot about the differences between attorney's work ethics...

You also can't see that continuing to have deep, emotional contact with him is keeping the game going, moving your chess pieces, trying to get the other one to do what you want. It's not healthy for you, and is blocking so many other kinds of abundance from coming into your life.

That's all that's being said. You are not trapped. You hold the key in your hand.

hopeangel

thank you lateeda for clarifying. i understand a lot better what you are saying now.

givelove, you too.

i think i just really hurting and angry and, yes, still i am trying to beat my head against a brick wall- i guess surrendering is a REALLY hard thing for me to do?

i'm just trying to swallow not seeing anything for the pain and suffering i went through with this accident (that is a VERY hard pill to swallow) all because of the bad choices i have made in a man to marry and put all my complete trust in not to hurt me.

and i did think about the fact that even if i did "do the deed" that he would still refuse to sign.



i'm not sure i could take it to another atty. after having already retained this one and him doing all the work to the settlement point. i think there was something in his contract that said that once it reached settlement he could collect the money and i'm sure i would have to pay another, so i don't think there would be anything left after.

i don't have the money to rent a place of my own and still have to pay the mortage on my house too - so the house would have to be sold before i move out (which i am working on)

divorce option - yes, but ah keeps saying he wants it to be a dissolution-it won't be if we have to fight this settlement thing out. this could really turn ugly in court.

i guess i have to ask myself what i could live most with in the long run? is it worth it?

it just seems that there has to be some kind of recourse against this kind of blackmail, cohersion, or whatever you call it . i mean , i have him on tape.

Barbara52

The only recourse that immediately comes to mind is to sue him. But I'm not sure that could be done. Or would be worth it.

hopeangel

I SAW MY HUSBAND last night. the person that i love.

he came in the house and just stood for a LONG time looking at me. then he said- i'm going to sign the papers. i want to meet with the atty. first so i know exactly what i am signing, but i will sign them. " IT'S THE LEAST I COULD DO FOR YOU AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE PUT YOU THROUGH." i cried and told him "thank you" he then said he is going to meet me at counseling tonight. then he just walked away and passed out in the basement.

he is just breaking my heart. this disease breaks my heart. it is just soo sad. it is just so hard to see him hurting as much as i know he is hurting.

it sounds like he is really letting me go you guys... more tears.

prodigal

Until he puts a pen in his hand and physically signs the papers, what he is saying smacks of manipulation. Did he meet your at the counseling session or was he still passed out in the basement? If he remained passed out, you are still dancing to his tune and if I was a gambling person, I'd bet the farm that he'll try to get you tangled up in emotional knots again before he'll sign those papers.

hopeangel, you are either going to quit explaining what this butthead is doing - and I'd like to tell you he is doing EXACTLY what addicts do - or you're going to just look at you and YOU ALONE. You alone have the power to decide whether or not you want to continue torturing yourself with all this "drama."