A little glimpse of reality
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
A little glimpse of reality
Like so many of us here, I've spent way to much time minding XAH's business over the past few months, getting annoyed/angry/jealous when I hear about him taking out the new girlfriend or buying her things, imagining that the two of them are having the life I wanted with him, etc etc.
I've been working hard on this, I guess you could say I've even been wrestling with my HP over it. And I've been wishing my HP would just take it all and help me get to a more peaceful place.
Today as I was reading my Bible, I came across a passage in Romans, 1:32. As I read it, I finally got it. I've been fighting the 4th and 5th steps for so long ... it felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I finally felt like there was light in every corner of my being. (Not trying to persuade anyone to accept my HP, by the way ~ just sharing) It was liberating to accept my part in everything, honestly and completely.
So what happened next? The kids came home from their brief visit with XAH. He sent me a pointsetta. He lamented to the kids that he'd be spending Thanksgiving alone.
The moral of the story? His life isn't the picnic I obsessed it to be, what a waste of my energy and time! Mostly, I learned I need to worry about keeping my own house clean. That's energy well spent!!!
I've been working hard on this, I guess you could say I've even been wrestling with my HP over it. And I've been wishing my HP would just take it all and help me get to a more peaceful place.
Today as I was reading my Bible, I came across a passage in Romans, 1:32. As I read it, I finally got it. I've been fighting the 4th and 5th steps for so long ... it felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I finally felt like there was light in every corner of my being. (Not trying to persuade anyone to accept my HP, by the way ~ just sharing) It was liberating to accept my part in everything, honestly and completely.
So what happened next? The kids came home from their brief visit with XAH. He sent me a pointsetta. He lamented to the kids that he'd be spending Thanksgiving alone.
The moral of the story? His life isn't the picnic I obsessed it to be, what a waste of my energy and time! Mostly, I learned I need to worry about keeping my own house clean. That's energy well spent!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Minding spouses life......
Hi Jude, 
When I divorced my second husband I did not want to know anything about him anymore except when he would be spending his time in jail.
He was the one trying to keep track of what I was doing. He would follow me in his car...even sat outside of one of my support groups watching me through the window.
I couldn't believe that one when I was told.
He also drove through the neighborhood after dark, came into the house when I was at work and our daughter was at school, and was going through my garbage can the night I put it out to be picked up the next morning. He even had the nerve to follow the school bus with our daughter on it when he wasn't supposed to be any closer than 500 feet from where she was. :caveman
He was angry because he couldn't find me doing anything out of place. He did so
much and I had restraining orders on him but the Sheriff's Department couldn't do anything unless they saw him doing it. He also called me on the phone all night long so I eventually unplugged the phone.
I finally asked my lawyer if I could move across the state where the rest of my kids lived before the divorcee was final. He said yes I could. I had to sell the house because my husband didn't pay the payments while we were waiting for the divorce to be final and he was court ordered to do this. My lawyer helped me get it sold...six days before it was going to be entered into foreclosure for back payments. My husband's share went to the back payments, his court fines, and our daughter's counseling fees. I paid off my car and my lawyer with some leftover with my share.
I was still drinking then but minding my P & Q's being very careful how much I drank and when. I drank at home except on Thursday nights when I went to my group therapy. I had to have a sitter anyway so I stopped at this one place that had live music on Thursdays and took enough money to buy three beers over a long time so was okay to drive by midnight. Fridays and Saturday were my regular days off so it worked out good.
I guess he would sit out in the parking lot waiting for me to leave but I never did see him and I was always by myself. All I needed in my life at that time was another man to complicate my life more than it already was.
I am so glad all that is done and over with. When I moved to Eastern Washington he would call at 1-2 AM in the morning after being out drinking...I just hung up. He also started calling after work...questiioning me about how our week was going. He couldn't talk to our daughter yet...the four years weren't up yet. I finally got the nerve to tell him that it was none of his business what we did during the week and not to call anymore. He was such a dunder head...still tried it but I just hung up.
That's enough of my story. It is just unbelievable what we woman have to go through or what we imagine in our minds which usually wasn't as true as our Ex's made it out to be. Many times I felt like the crimminal. I told his probation officer this one time and he just laughed at me....said that Tom wouldn't do any of that...he really is a nice man...I almost passed out right then and there when he said that.
I almost asked him if he was a child sexual abuser himself. You never know.
Hope you keep on the track you are on now. It is good that you have figured out that you just need to worry about yourself and your children.
I
When I divorced my second husband I did not want to know anything about him anymore except when he would be spending his time in jail.
He was the one trying to keep track of what I was doing. He would follow me in his car...even sat outside of one of my support groups watching me through the window.
I couldn't believe that one when I was told.
He also drove through the neighborhood after dark, came into the house when I was at work and our daughter was at school, and was going through my garbage can the night I put it out to be picked up the next morning. He even had the nerve to follow the school bus with our daughter on it when he wasn't supposed to be any closer than 500 feet from where she was. :caveman
He was angry because he couldn't find me doing anything out of place. He did so
much and I had restraining orders on him but the Sheriff's Department couldn't do anything unless they saw him doing it. He also called me on the phone all night long so I eventually unplugged the phone.
I finally asked my lawyer if I could move across the state where the rest of my kids lived before the divorcee was final. He said yes I could. I had to sell the house because my husband didn't pay the payments while we were waiting for the divorce to be final and he was court ordered to do this. My lawyer helped me get it sold...six days before it was going to be entered into foreclosure for back payments. My husband's share went to the back payments, his court fines, and our daughter's counseling fees. I paid off my car and my lawyer with some leftover with my share.
I was still drinking then but minding my P & Q's being very careful how much I drank and when. I drank at home except on Thursday nights when I went to my group therapy. I had to have a sitter anyway so I stopped at this one place that had live music on Thursdays and took enough money to buy three beers over a long time so was okay to drive by midnight. Fridays and Saturday were my regular days off so it worked out good.
I guess he would sit out in the parking lot waiting for me to leave but I never did see him and I was always by myself. All I needed in my life at that time was another man to complicate my life more than it already was.
I am so glad all that is done and over with. When I moved to Eastern Washington he would call at 1-2 AM in the morning after being out drinking...I just hung up. He also started calling after work...questiioning me about how our week was going. He couldn't talk to our daughter yet...the four years weren't up yet. I finally got the nerve to tell him that it was none of his business what we did during the week and not to call anymore. He was such a dunder head...still tried it but I just hung up.
That's enough of my story. It is just unbelievable what we woman have to go through or what we imagine in our minds which usually wasn't as true as our Ex's made it out to be. Many times I felt like the crimminal. I told his probation officer this one time and he just laughed at me....said that Tom wouldn't do any of that...he really is a nice man...I almost passed out right then and there when he said that.
I almost asked him if he was a child sexual abuser himself. You never know.
Hope you keep on the track you are on now. It is good that you have figured out that you just need to worry about yourself and your children.
I
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
I glad u found solace in the bible. Roman 1:32, for those who don't know, is about righteousness. It is hard to get through past wrongs that have been done to us, as a spouse or just as people in general. Forgiveness is so healing, I have been working on my issues and happiness is so much better than frustration and anger. Take care of u and remember one day at a time. Hugs out to u......
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