Venting or not? I don't know
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 24
Venting or not? I don't know
Wether this is a vent of not, I don't know...but I feel the need to let my feelings out. Today is my 3rd year wedding anniversary with my AH. I left him 5-1/2 weeks ago.
It's a hard day. All day I was fine. I had a lot of friends calling me today to see how I was doing, and I was really fine.
4 of my closest friends took me out for a really nice dinner tonight. Halfway through dinner I received a message from my AH who said he wanted to 'acknowledge the day' and said he had been thinking about it all day.
I figured he didn't even realize what day it was since I hadn't heard from him. When I got the message, I let a couple tears out, and then had my friends to remind me why I was doing what I was doing and that it was just him trying to make me feel guilty. So I did for a few minutes, and then went back to enjoying my great evening out with great friends.
And since I've been home (at my dad's house where I've been living since I left), I've been crying. I don't even know why I'm crying. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of feeling like this.
Since I left he hasn't once asked me to come back. He hasn't once said 'Here's what I'm willing to do to have you back...'
I think he just really figures it's all over becuase of his relationship issues. He still hasn't truly recognized his alcoholism. He's a functioning Alcoholic, which seems to make it so difficult for him and me to say THIS IS WHY I LEFT. I told him over and over, but he just doesn't seem to 'get it'. Which tells me I've done the right thing. But it's just so hard.
Arrrrggghhhhh...
Just so frustrated and sad. Just a hard day today since I wish I could have been out having a nice dinner with my husband. But I know he wouldn't have taken me for a nice dinner. He would have wanted to just stay home and drink his beer. But I'm still sad. So sad.
Sick of being sad. Can't wait to stop being sad. Seems to be getting better with time. But would like to go more than 3 days without crying. Sick of crying. So sick of crying.
That's all. Guess it really was a vent.
Thanks for listening. Going to try and get some sleep tonight. And then tomorrow I get to deal with having to speak to him to get our house on the market for sale so we can move forward and I can move out of my parents house.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to post. Vents and all - they all help me know that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm no alone.
So thank you. For listening and for posting.
Dakota.
It's a hard day. All day I was fine. I had a lot of friends calling me today to see how I was doing, and I was really fine.
4 of my closest friends took me out for a really nice dinner tonight. Halfway through dinner I received a message from my AH who said he wanted to 'acknowledge the day' and said he had been thinking about it all day.
I figured he didn't even realize what day it was since I hadn't heard from him. When I got the message, I let a couple tears out, and then had my friends to remind me why I was doing what I was doing and that it was just him trying to make me feel guilty. So I did for a few minutes, and then went back to enjoying my great evening out with great friends.
And since I've been home (at my dad's house where I've been living since I left), I've been crying. I don't even know why I'm crying. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of feeling like this.
Since I left he hasn't once asked me to come back. He hasn't once said 'Here's what I'm willing to do to have you back...'
I think he just really figures it's all over becuase of his relationship issues. He still hasn't truly recognized his alcoholism. He's a functioning Alcoholic, which seems to make it so difficult for him and me to say THIS IS WHY I LEFT. I told him over and over, but he just doesn't seem to 'get it'. Which tells me I've done the right thing. But it's just so hard.
Arrrrggghhhhh...
Just so frustrated and sad. Just a hard day today since I wish I could have been out having a nice dinner with my husband. But I know he wouldn't have taken me for a nice dinner. He would have wanted to just stay home and drink his beer. But I'm still sad. So sad.
Sick of being sad. Can't wait to stop being sad. Seems to be getting better with time. But would like to go more than 3 days without crying. Sick of crying. So sick of crying.
That's all. Guess it really was a vent.
Thanks for listening. Going to try and get some sleep tonight. And then tomorrow I get to deal with having to speak to him to get our house on the market for sale so we can move forward and I can move out of my parents house.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to post. Vents and all - they all help me know that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm no alone.
So thank you. For listening and for posting.
Dakota.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
well..I let some stuff go..
crying is good for you. It relase toxin from your body.
especailly these type of tears,
verse crying from a cut onion or dirt in your eyes..these type
of tears are mostly just water.
I had to do a little reserch ..lol I'm a guy and guy don't cry...
Actaully, it was more acceptiable to cry until the industrial age.
Our body create hormons during time of stress so crying is
a way your body is releasing toxin from your body.
Women cries more then men on the average..so you're doing good.
I took that as a good sign.. even my body wants to get well.
it's releasing toxin.
Somebody say..I was greiving and letting go.
I'm not depress going through all of this, so venting and crying
helps.
it takes time..gosh, 5 1/2 weeks is relatively a short time.
it didn't even hit me until after 2 months.
yeap that contact stuff kind of triggered it for me.
yeap..no acknowelegement of anything.
yeap it's hard during a break up , very stressful
I hope you feel better.
crying is good for you. It relase toxin from your body.
especailly these type of tears,
verse crying from a cut onion or dirt in your eyes..these type
of tears are mostly just water.
I had to do a little reserch ..lol I'm a guy and guy don't cry...
Actaully, it was more acceptiable to cry until the industrial age.
Our body create hormons during time of stress so crying is
a way your body is releasing toxin from your body.
Women cries more then men on the average..so you're doing good.
I took that as a good sign.. even my body wants to get well.
it's releasing toxin.
Somebody say..I was greiving and letting go.
I'm not depress going through all of this, so venting and crying
helps.
it takes time..gosh, 5 1/2 weeks is relatively a short time.
it didn't even hit me until after 2 months.
yeap that contact stuff kind of triggered it for me.
yeap..no acknowelegement of anything.
yeap it's hard during a break up , very stressful
I hope you feel better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
We can't go through life without mourning the spiritual losses. Boy, I'd have had a big boo hoo. You where expecting to be happy and settled. You know a new depth of disappointment. If he was going to call he should have been sobbing.
The tears are cleansing, They need to come. They will stop.
Think of it this way. God gave this man a precious gift, you. You married him and pledged to live your life next to him. You were a gift and an opportunity.
You are so precious to God. He gave your husband a treasure. Your husband didn't take care of it. How long would you let your daughter be hurt before you lifted her out of it? God has said, "enough". This precious woman is not going to wasted for one more second. You have gained wisdom and depth. It will serve you a million times. Growth hurts sometimes. I promise you that you will know joy that you could not have known because of this pain.
The tears are cleansing, They need to come. They will stop.
Think of it this way. God gave this man a precious gift, you. You married him and pledged to live your life next to him. You were a gift and an opportunity.
You are so precious to God. He gave your husband a treasure. Your husband didn't take care of it. How long would you let your daughter be hurt before you lifted her out of it? God has said, "enough". This precious woman is not going to wasted for one more second. You have gained wisdom and depth. It will serve you a million times. Growth hurts sometimes. I promise you that you will know joy that you could not have known because of this pain.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 405
Dear Dakota,
I am sorry you are hurting. I know it must be very painful.
I sometimes remind myself in 1 year or 5 years I will be happy, where will my ex be?
Would I want to be with him after I am over all the losses?
Vent away, baby - you need time and space to feel what you feel.
I am sorry you are hurting. I know it must be very painful.
I sometimes remind myself in 1 year or 5 years I will be happy, where will my ex be?
Would I want to be with him after I am over all the losses?
Vent away, baby - you need time and space to feel what you feel.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Days like anniversaries and other meaningful days can indeed be hard. It reminds us of what we've lost. The pain is part of the mourning process I think.
My 4th anniversary was about amonth before I moved out. I knew at that point I would be leaving but hadn't set a date and hadn't told my AH that I was actively looking to leave. It was such a sad day, exchanging presents that had no meaning behind them, no emotion behind them. My AH gave me a plant that died within a week. Somehow that was symbolic.
My 4th anniversary was about amonth before I moved out. I knew at that point I would be leaving but hadn't set a date and hadn't told my AH that I was actively looking to leave. It was such a sad day, exchanging presents that had no meaning behind them, no emotion behind them. My AH gave me a plant that died within a week. Somehow that was symbolic.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
((Dakota))
Venting helps, crying helps, stomping your foot and yelling "its not fair!" helps. It's all part of the grief process. You are grieving just as though there was a death - because it's very similar. You're grieving the loss of the dream, the loss of the life you planned for and hoped for with your husband.
It's healthy, normal and natural. And I KNOW from experience that it hurts like h*ll There were times that I cried so long and so hard that I didn't have any tears left, just those gut wrenching body shaking sobs.
It gets better. One day at a time, the pain lessens. What helped me was to go to lots of Al Anon meetings, and to have good recovery friends whom I could call when I really wanted to call him or contact him by email etc. They gently reminded me of the new path I was on, and they loved me thru it.
Big hugs. There IS light and laughter on the other side. I promise.
Cats
Venting helps, crying helps, stomping your foot and yelling "its not fair!" helps. It's all part of the grief process. You are grieving just as though there was a death - because it's very similar. You're grieving the loss of the dream, the loss of the life you planned for and hoped for with your husband.
It's healthy, normal and natural. And I KNOW from experience that it hurts like h*ll There were times that I cried so long and so hard that I didn't have any tears left, just those gut wrenching body shaking sobs.
It gets better. One day at a time, the pain lessens. What helped me was to go to lots of Al Anon meetings, and to have good recovery friends whom I could call when I really wanted to call him or contact him by email etc. They gently reminded me of the new path I was on, and they loved me thru it.
Big hugs. There IS light and laughter on the other side. I promise.
Cats
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
(((((((((((((((((((Dakota))))))))))))))))))))))))
We all know the pain sweetie.....right now you are full of the what if's....and what could have been.......and the why us questions.....and yes the oceans and oceans of tears...and it doesn't matter if we were with our loved ones a year or 10 years or like alot of us upwards of 20 years......it just plain hurts. A year or 2 down the road this will be just a bad memory and you will have probably met a new guy and then be saying to yourself OMG can life be this good???? lol Right now all the words in the world can't make you feel much better....some better but not much....just hang in there and know that we are all behind you and have your back ok...
A little story for you today- I ran a dog kennel many years ago and we had show dogs they were Chow Chows to be exact and our #1 Champion female was named "Dakota of Bo-Pen" we called her Coty for short....this female went on and on and won more Best in Show ribbons for us that I lost count just how many trophies she won for us.......And you will have your trophy too hunny.....you will go on and on to win victory after victory in life.....so cry all you need and get this man out of your system so the world can benefit from what you can offer it ok...be gentle with yourself today.
Janitw
We all know the pain sweetie.....right now you are full of the what if's....and what could have been.......and the why us questions.....and yes the oceans and oceans of tears...and it doesn't matter if we were with our loved ones a year or 10 years or like alot of us upwards of 20 years......it just plain hurts. A year or 2 down the road this will be just a bad memory and you will have probably met a new guy and then be saying to yourself OMG can life be this good???? lol Right now all the words in the world can't make you feel much better....some better but not much....just hang in there and know that we are all behind you and have your back ok...
A little story for you today- I ran a dog kennel many years ago and we had show dogs they were Chow Chows to be exact and our #1 Champion female was named "Dakota of Bo-Pen" we called her Coty for short....this female went on and on and won more Best in Show ribbons for us that I lost count just how many trophies she won for us.......And you will have your trophy too hunny.....you will go on and on to win victory after victory in life.....so cry all you need and get this man out of your system so the world can benefit from what you can offer it ok...be gentle with yourself today.
Janitw
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
Dakota69 -
I left my husband 1-1/2 weeks ago. This was not a sudden thing, as I had told him I was thinking about it for a few months before. During that few months we "celebrated" our 24th anniversary. I realize now that I have been emotionally out of this marriage for a long time. I cried much during the months leading up to the seperation, but have shed not one tear since I left. I thought our anniversary would have been perfect opportunity for him to show me how much he loved me and wanted me to stay and work things out. I received a loving and thoughtful gift of lottery tickets (seriously) -- and not a winner among them either. How's that for a sign??
I also am baffled as to why he has not contacted me to see what would have to happen for me to come back. I would like to think that he does not want me back, because that makes me feel less guilty about not wanting to go back. But, I really think he is waiting for me to tell him. He is not capable of taking the initiative to even do this one thing.
Let the feelings come, cry the tears, it will get better, it really will!!
I left my husband 1-1/2 weeks ago. This was not a sudden thing, as I had told him I was thinking about it for a few months before. During that few months we "celebrated" our 24th anniversary. I realize now that I have been emotionally out of this marriage for a long time. I cried much during the months leading up to the seperation, but have shed not one tear since I left. I thought our anniversary would have been perfect opportunity for him to show me how much he loved me and wanted me to stay and work things out. I received a loving and thoughtful gift of lottery tickets (seriously) -- and not a winner among them either. How's that for a sign??
I also am baffled as to why he has not contacted me to see what would have to happen for me to come back. I would like to think that he does not want me back, because that makes me feel less guilty about not wanting to go back. But, I really think he is waiting for me to tell him. He is not capable of taking the initiative to even do this one thing.
Let the feelings come, cry the tears, it will get better, it really will!!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
((((Dakota)))) Cry, vent, do what you need to do. You've every right to feel the way you do. Loss is never easy. Trouble is, society often tries to fill our heads with "you're better off without him/her", and we feel like we don't have the right to grieve.
No, your AH doesn't get it. But that doesn't mean you don't have the right to grieve for your dream.
I'll be thinking of you!
No, your AH doesn't get it. But that doesn't mean you don't have the right to grieve for your dream.
I'll be thinking of you!
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