tryingtoheal

i have been on a bender of drinking and staying out late, etc. since i lfet my x-abf just last week. i am numbing myself with alcohol to cope with this breakup, the realization that i am not special enough to change him, the lonliness that fi eel for missing him, guilt for not being so adament about his stopping that he actually paid attention to me, etc. all of the same things everyone on here knows all too well about.

but what i am doing to myself? i have lost control of my own life in the past week, and i can't seem to deal with all of these feelings like a normal person and just eat ice cream and watch 'when harry met sally' and all that stuff. maybe i am an alcoholic as well...?

i have learned so much from these posts...they made me help myself and leave him, but now i am a slobbering, crying, drinking idiot. and i want to run back to him right this second. is there a problem with me that i choose to 'deal with reality' like this...like my x-abf deals with his own reality?

thanks to everyone. you are all gems and so smart and beautiful. problem is, i am excellent at GIVING advice and making people help themselves take control of their lives and emotions...but i absolutely suck at doing it myself or listening to my own advice. help!

SaTiT

Stop being so hard on yourself.
I'm sorry about your break up

I relapsed of 11 years of being clean and sober. After 2 years
of dealing with my gf when she relapsed...holley schmolly. that was crazy !!!
Was i that difficult to live with when I was drunk ?

Anyway, it was right after a break up, i felt so tired of it all.
I never thought my soberiety would be like that. I went through
emtional turama combine with lack of sleep and watching our lively
hood, our home, our lives fall apart. i tried everything to keep everything
toghter. My emotions were..that of shell shock..i guess. and my mind
was foggy. i felt numb..hell i figure wtf??? I like to get drunk too
but i gave that up..now it's all f-up anyways. i might at least catch
a damn buzz myself if I'm been suffering the damn consequence anyways.
Then she truns around and call me an alcoholic..that kind of mess
up my buzz. And she never left me like she say she would..lol
She did the hit and run routine.

I sober up..in my heart..i knew, i didn't really want to do that.
By grace or people in recovery caring enough for me. They help me.
Well actaully ...my sponsee had to walk me through it.
becuase i kind of drank myself stupid for a couple of weeks.
talk about a lesson in humility..to rub it in even more.lol

okay, so there....me too.

alcohol is a depressent..it made me more depressed
than I already was. and it never took any of my pain away.
plus it made me sicker..my body became addict to alcohol.
on top of my body had a chemicle attraction to my crazy sweet heart.

some codi resort to abussing drugs and alcohol themselves to cope.
This is why..i guess it's a disease...it spreads.

Please get to a meeting , any meeting Al anon, AA, NA, CoDA
or all of them..f-it it's all mess up anyways. Dose it matter ?
they're all 12 steps programs
I'm ACOA too..more As.

The first thing i had to do was sober up in order for me to get
well and work on my other issues to get more well.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

mallowcup

The likelihod of finding the life you describe is slim to none in a bar or in a bottle. Don't allow him to define you. None of us is special enough to change the path of a diseased body and mind, well only our own.
I stopped wanting to be preceived that way. I tried drinking myself and I quit because it dulled me mentally and it made me appear weak. I became more aware of how the world preceived me. There is nothing so grand as being taken seriously.

CBrown

Tryingtoheal, I spent a few nights like you too. Someone would call, say "c'mon over!" and off I'd go to get plastered. Oh how I hated how I felt the next day! I also didn't like the things I did those evening: loss of control, staggering around, making a fool of myself in front of people that I want respect from. Just stupid. Here I am, going to church on Sunday, looking for help from God, and doing exactly what I'm preaching to my XABF about on Saturday night. But, sometimes we have to do dumb things in order to find out how we want out lives to BE.

But sometimes it just feels good to forget it all. I just have to figure out how to do that without an anesthetic.

Pick-a-name

There I a chapter in Getting Them Sober about this. Actually, I have had the thoughts of "drinking to forget" but then decided that thinking WAS a problem,imho. That can be a "slippery slope" and if nothing else, just not an effective or productive way to handle the situation. That's one of the reasons I came and stay here.

I think you are wise to think about this. For me,I have decided that drinking away my problems is not a good option, so I don't drink when I feel this way,even if I want to. To me it could/can become a reflex. My Asister and AH both got their "start" into active alcoholism that way, I do not want to take that chance. That is not "social" drinking.

Glad you are posting this; I think it is an important topic. I know it is one that I have considered myself,especially the more I read and understand alcoholism.

For me,it is not worth it and the best option is not to drink or consider that an "option" to "deal" with problems. Forcing myself outside my usual comfort zones with other options,is a learning process, but feels and works better for me after the short-term "numb" wears off.

Take what you want and leave the rest!

tryingtoheal

thanks everyone. you're all right. and i already knew this, i guess i just needed some sense spoken to me. thanks so much for the help.

i HATE this sh!t!!!!!!!!! i need to get it together.