Rella927

Wow.....breathe-everyone!

Ok I first want to thank FD for sharing what she felt she wished to share with everyone-I feel this is important to do where ever we are in our recovery-so thank you FD.

I do however believe that not everyone has to agree or disagree with what was shared in this forum or anywhere just like in our own lives our of SR. I could not agree more with what a lot of people have said on this thread. No one is right or wrong everyone is just sharing how they feel-

I know there are a lot of new people here as I once was one myself and do know that I "Vented" an awful lot-until I realized that it was not getting me "the solution" that I needed for myself-I was insane-kept repeating over and over the same thing with no solution, just stuck on this merry go round of chaos!

However, it took me time to jump off and find the solution to living a healthy life-without the chaos and drama! It took me many many many times/trials/tribulations to finally realize what I was doing to myself-and in the meantime "venting" if it was in SR, to family/friends, my counselor, or my journal I did it in my own time-No one can make anyone see what they are doing to themselves but themselves-and in the interim I do believe that “venting” as stated in the dictionary very well I might add
“An opening permitting the escape of fumes, a liquid, a gas, or steam.”

If we do not let out what we need to let out it is going to effect us too! As a child I know that made my adult life suffer-and it suffered until I took hold and found solutions to my problems-but it took time! We do not control when someone finds their solutions-we can only control ours. If someone is going to “vent” and I’m tired of hearing it I believe it is as Mike stated that there must be something more that I need to work on within myself! If I can listen to someone vent and make a small suggestion/advice as you will it is up to them to say oh wow they have a point maybe I should stop complaining about the same thing and start doing something about it!

We get it when we get it, not when someone tells us too. We vent when we need to vent and I believe that is a part of everyday life even when we have become more healthy! It maybe over something as simple as venting about a neighbor who backed into our mailbox-venting is a form of feelings and opinions and venting them outward is healthy in my book-

So bottom line there are IMHO are many different ways this thread can be viewed and taken and everyone has that right to take it however they wish-I personally think that venting is a great thing to do if it is productive-and there is a solution followed by it.

I think the venting in this forum is a great thing too-it is what we need to do when we are feeling apprehensive about something in our lives that is going on, or will be going on like a job interview. if however we are venting about the same thing over and over again, I feel that is ok too because in time we all will get that it is not giving us a solution!

And remember we all have choices to respond to the same threads about the same thing or we can move on to another one.

Take what you like and leave the rest!

lostnfound1961

Thank you Rella927

Morning Glory

I read somewhere once to tell your story over and over again until you don't want to tell it again. That works for people like me who don't talk much. It's poison to hold all that in and isolates some of us. I had no one to talk to. I couldn't even talk when I got here. I couldn't even form the words to type out a post. Every word brought shame. I was eventually able to get it all out. I lived my life in shame. The love and acceptance I received here was the first time anyone accepted me for who I am. It helped me start accepting myself and that gave me the ability to start making changes. The major changes I made had nothing to do with my son's alcoholism. The actions I took to begin with were all inward. Letting go of guilt, shame, worry, self loathing, etc..

For me venting WAS the first part of the solution. It took me about a year to get past all that garbage I carried around. I was working hard, but my posts may not have shown that.

We are here giving what we have and sharing our experience and strengths. Recovery has to come from within each individual. We might not know their solution. It can be much deeper than what we see on the surface.

queenteree

No disrepect intended, but I don't think anyone is a "loser". It's not part of my recovery.

FormerDoormat

In order for me to effect positive changes in my life, I had to stop focusing on my alcoholic partner's shortcomings and acknowledge my own shortcomings. I had to take responsibility for my actions (or lack thereof). I had to stop placing the blame on others and acknowledge that the "bad things" that happened to me were half my fault.

I had to learn that recovery begins and ends with me. I had to stop blaming others for my unhappiness. I had to stop relying on others to solve my problems. I had to learn how to trust myself and my instincts. I had to learn how to be financially and emotionally independent. I had to stop giving so much of myself away that I had nothing left for me. I had to stop hurting myself and learn how to be kind to myself, nurture myself, and love myself. I had to learn how to think for myself and feel for myself. I had to stop convincing myself that "I can't" and start believing that "I can." I had to find my voice and learn how to speak for myself and not be afraid of what others might think of me when I share my opinion. I had to learn how to be strong in the face of criticism and stand firmly by what I believe is right.

All that I've learned came about when I began to let go of my negative thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors and began to focus on what's positive in my life.

My post was not directed at any one individual or group of individuals. It had nothing to do with any of you. Nobody's post angered me or triggered me to start this thread. The quote I shared had great meaning to me, so much so that I book-marked it and I shared it on this forum thinking others might find it useful. It's really that simple. Funny how complicated and convoluted things can become when folks attempt to read between the lines, begin see things that aren't there, believe there are hidden agendas or criticisms, or try to put words in others' mouths.

See how quickly something that was meant to be positive becomes a negative when folks are stuck in a negative mode?

How my post made you feel has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with you.

GiveLove

Is that question a carefully-disguised vent?

miss communicat

yes, I'd like a VENTi double cappuccino with lots of foam :morning

I think it'd be adVENTageous to our brains and preVENTive of tensions if we all
VENTured on to the next eVENT

SaTiT

no... not complicate at all.

Even if i was to jump for joy and say God had touch my life
in someways...some poeple will still question me.

now..I just had other stuff that just happened to me in the last 1/2 hour..
her in the real world.
I see certain things that's done without my consulting or acknowlegement.
Not important to others, but it's important to me..and beats the hell out
of me how anybody perceive it to be.
I'm not whining about that. Probably becuase I'm not so pin up inside
anymore.

Never the less..no matter what I've done...In all of my life in personal
or business matters or recovery matters..not everyone had totally agree
with me.

"DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.".lol take it anyway you want.

and I've read enough thread, books and article to recognize..sometimes
it's not what's written. it's the way i percieve it.

I'm also getting to that piont of getting it.
I know deep down inside. No one here on SR or anywhere else
can change myself for me. I know and I appriciate all the help
time, energy, love, people here on SR had put into helping me
It's making a difference and I'm gratful.
But I also know the ball is in my court.

anywho....."Dont throw the baby out with the bath water."

Oh...I've written replies after replies to many, many threads...
i just click the back arrow botton and don't submit them.lol

kglast

Thanks for the clarification FD....I don't think many of us realized it was a quote you were sharing....Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

hmbld

Venting for me, is a means of purging all of the negative thoughts going on in my head. Sort of like throwing it out there to throw it away. Also, the responses I receive are a huge help in putting things in perspective.

Pick-a-name

As my Gma used to say:"To each his own, said the woman as she kissed the cow".

Do whatever works for you to keep moving forward......

(Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving; I'm thankful for each and every one of you and the different perspective you each bring here!:ghug)