rawr_x

i do not understand how my dad can go from perfect to just horrible. when i was young he was the most perfect dad anyone could ever ask for. but now he has turned into a monster. some one that no one wants to be around. he makes me feel like he hates me. he is always too focused on his alchohol and it frustrates me. i try to talk to him and he never wants to talk, he always ignores me. hes always yelling. i dont know what to do or how to handle it. it hurts. i am starting to believe that he doesnt love my mom, my brother, or me. hes more of a roomate in my house now. and yes to answer some of your questions i have considered al-anon and i have been to al-anon. i havent gotten a chance to go to the meetings for a while but every chance i get i go.

LaTeeDa

It's very sad and confusing when someone we love is addicted. One thing that helped me is trying to learn to not take it personally. All those things he does (or doesn't do) are not about you, they are about him. I know it seems like he's doing it to you, but really, he's just doing it. Do you have any support? Alateen? Counseling?

L

good_luck

That sounds awful. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I was dating an alcoholic for a few years and am still very confused about the whole thing. I think that it is a horrible disease.

The thing that has helped me is reading. I've read about what alcoholism is, and I've read people's stories on this message board. The more that I read, the more that I saw that it was the same story over and over again. I think that is comforting because I saw that it was something that existed whether I was there or not. And I saw that people tried a lot of things to make people stop drinking, but they weren't successful.

Mostly, I got it through my head that it was a disease that makes people act terribly towards the people they love the most. If that isn't confusing, I don't know what is. But sadly, it's true.

This is a really good place to keep reading and learning. It is also a good place to post your feelings about your dad. Everyone is here to support you, and there are a lot of people who know a lot more about this than me. I think that you are moving in the right direction towards feeling better.

embraced2000

alcoholism is a progressive disease....and it sounds as if he is progressing in his addiction.

addiction makes people do, say, and act like people we don't even know anymore and it is very painful for us that live with someone we love so much that is addicted.

he is suffering in his own kind of hell......but alcoholism is a family disease.

he may not make it......but you and you other family members have to make it.

al-anon saved my life. have you considered going to al-anon? they can help you understand about alcoholism and how to turn the focus back on yourself.

i wish you the best.

rawr_x

yes i see counselors LateeDa and when i get the chance i go to AA meetings

LaTeeDa

Good. It's important to reach out and I'm glad you are doing that here as well. Sometimes it can help just to know you're not alone and others understand how it feels.
:comfort

L

GiveLove

rawr_x,
It's a tough road, loving someone who's alcoholic. We're used to being in control of things, and their condition just can't be controlled. All you can do is live your life as best you can and release your dad to his HP's care. I'm sure he loves you all....but his brain has been changed, his behavior changed, his morals changed, everything changed by alcohol.

All you can do is let him know you love him and then get on with your life, staying away from the poison as much as you can. And pray, if you believe in prayer....

You're not alone in this. Lots of us (including me) have stood where you're standing.

uncertainty

My husband was also like that to our children. I know you are probably thinking if only you could say the right thing, do the right thing, he will just stop. Unfortunately, it is not about us.There is nothing you can do to change that, and it is very frustrating!!! My husband drove drunk with the kids in the car. I KNOW he would never want to hurt them. Your dad cares about you, he just doesnt know HOW to love you, he doesnt know how to love himself.

guineapigjude

((((raw_x)))) So sorry for what you are going through. Remember, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. And even though his disease is consuming your life, it isn't about you, it's about him. So since you can't change his life, focus on changing your own.
We are here for you!!!! We understand where you are. We care.

Barbara52

**{rawr x}}I am sorry you are growing up with an alcoholic father. Its very hard in so many ways. I know because I also had an alcoholic father. And an alcoholic mother.

I remember being very angry, very hurt so much of the time. And that I couldn't talk about it anyone. Not even my 2 brothers sometimes. I hated them and loved them at the same time and it was al so confusing for me.

Now looking back I can see things I couldn't understand back then because I didn't have information on alcoholism or groups like Alateen or alAnon. One thing I wish someone would have told me (over and over til I knew it in my gut) was that it wasn't my fault in any way and that I couldn't do anything about it either. I wish I had someone who would have protected me too.

I know your mom is in here too sometimes. She is working on protecting you. In some ways this is one of those problems that is an adult problem and someone your age shouldn't have to deal with it. But you know it is a problem you are having to deal with. You are reaching out in here and that is a great thing to do.

Keep talking to us. Maybe some of us can help you. Maybe you can help some of us also. You bring a viewpoint that some of us need to read about, being a teen in a family with an active alcoholic.

kelsh

Hi rawr x,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I grew up with an alcoholic grandmother and didn't understand what was happening. My Mom brought her mother home to live with us after she was widowed at a young age...40 years old. We had a family meeting and talked it over before Mom got her mother. So we knew about drinking but not all of the problems that came with it.

We lived around Grandma, going on vacation we would all be in our own thoughts on the way home wondering if Grandma would be okay when we got home or if she would be drunk or even dead. It was hard for my brother and me. My brother and I talked a lot about it and he said that he hated Grandma for what she did and asked me how come I could still be nice to her when she kept us awake all night on a school night. I told him Grandma was sick and we couldn't change it. That is what I had thought up on my own. :comfort

I told myself that I didn't want to be like Grandma when she drank. When she didn't drink she was the nicest, most loving Irish Grandma. Well my brother and I both ended up being alcoholics. My brother was sober once for 14 years and started drinking again and I sobered up a few times for a year or so and would pick up that first drink again. I do have 19 years of sobriety now but it took me a while to get where I wanted to be sober.

Grandma didn't live long enough to see me get sober but I just feel her looking down on me sometimes and approving of my being sober.

I wish you all the luck. You have to remember that you didn't cause your dad to be an alcoholic. He has the disease of alcoholism and before he can get better he has to want to get better for himself. You and the rest of your family need to support each other and see that you are safe. It works if you work together. :ghug2

kelsh

SaTiT

You can also try ACOA if it avaliable in your area.

When dad is drunk ...we pretty much run and hide
and yes it's like walking eggshells even when he's not drunk
in those moments..whenever that is..i don't know anymore.
Oh yeah..he blame me becuase it was raining the other night.
Hell..i didn't know it was going rain.lol
I was sleeping.

yeap..life is like a box of chocalate in this household.
You never know what you're going to get from day to day
..so you walk lightly not to distrub the enviornment.lol

it okay to feel what you feel. Yes, anger and fustrations is nateral
It's a bit difficult to confront your father in such matters..so you end up
saying nothing due to relaliations. So you start stuffing you're feeling and anger.
Which is not good...it will lead to depression.
Please reach put and talk to someone..find healthy or posistive ways to release your anger.
By all means don't blame yourself. And do enforce posistive enforcement with yourself.
It's a process that you might have to work through as yourself worth..not to seek
yourself worth from your father. I still have to work on it today.