Anybody here? Need help!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Keeping, I'd like to share with you something my therapist told me many months ago. She said our sessions would be a success when I could trust myself. I didn't really get what she meant then, but I do now. One day you will trust yourself to make whatever decision is right for you. One day you won't come here looking for advice and answers for what to do if he calls you quacking. One day you will come here to share how he quacked and you didn't listen.
Today was one of those lessons. Even if you had seen all the responses before you left to help him, you likely would have gone anyway, right? We can ask others for guidance, but we still make our own decisions. And we learn our lessons, sometimes the hard and painful way.
GL is so right about them knowing what buttons to push. And he will keep on pushing them until they no longer work. I do not think this is the last time he will attempt to get you to come to his rescue.
Today, you are that much closer to trusting yourself. And you wouldn't be if you hadn't experienced what you did. It may not feel like it, but you made some real progress today. My wish for you is that you take what you learned today to heart. Then let the situation with your AH go. He is in control of his own destiny and you are in control of yours. Keep taking care of the little guy, and most of all, keep taking care of you.
L
Today was one of those lessons. Even if you had seen all the responses before you left to help him, you likely would have gone anyway, right? We can ask others for guidance, but we still make our own decisions. And we learn our lessons, sometimes the hard and painful way.
GL is so right about them knowing what buttons to push. And he will keep on pushing them until they no longer work. I do not think this is the last time he will attempt to get you to come to his rescue.
Today, you are that much closer to trusting yourself. And you wouldn't be if you hadn't experienced what you did. It may not feel like it, but you made some real progress today. My wish for you is that you take what you learned today to heart. Then let the situation with your AH go. He is in control of his own destiny and you are in control of yours. Keep taking care of the little guy, and most of all, keep taking care of you.
L
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
strange that mine always wanted to go to rehab when he was drunk out of his mind and had been kicked out of our home.
he never, never wanted to go when he was sober. just when he was sloppy, crying, drunk.
i agree with ltd.......you have learned something today.
i took mine to rehab many times before i completely let go. it was the best thing i ever did for myself and for him. he was lost "out there", homeless, cheating death every day, and doing the wildest, craziest things for over two years until he hit a bottom that i wrote about on here.
he has now been sober for 6 months, is a totaly different person (still a little quirky), and is being treated for his underlying psychicatrc problems. he has received disability for his mental illnesses, but is being treated for them, going to aa two times a week, going to school under voc-rehab for addiction counseling and is all into helping others. so there is hope. but let me tell you, i still view the situation as very fragile, although i wish him the best. i feel his salvation lies in helping others that are living what he has lived.
i pray your husband finds sobriety, recovery, and serenity.
but above and foremost is your recovery, serenity, peace, and joy. onward and upward! i had to give my xh the dignity to find his own by letting him go. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do, because i loved him better than my next breath.
it was so difficult, and heartbreaking for me to know he was out there, lost, miserable and on the verge of death. letting him go completely may have saved his life.
god bless you, sweety, and hang in there
he never, never wanted to go when he was sober. just when he was sloppy, crying, drunk.
i agree with ltd.......you have learned something today.
i took mine to rehab many times before i completely let go. it was the best thing i ever did for myself and for him. he was lost "out there", homeless, cheating death every day, and doing the wildest, craziest things for over two years until he hit a bottom that i wrote about on here.
he has now been sober for 6 months, is a totaly different person (still a little quirky), and is being treated for his underlying psychicatrc problems. he has received disability for his mental illnesses, but is being treated for them, going to aa two times a week, going to school under voc-rehab for addiction counseling and is all into helping others. so there is hope. but let me tell you, i still view the situation as very fragile, although i wish him the best. i feel his salvation lies in helping others that are living what he has lived.
i pray your husband finds sobriety, recovery, and serenity.
but above and foremost is your recovery, serenity, peace, and joy. onward and upward! i had to give my xh the dignity to find his own by letting him go. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do, because i loved him better than my next breath.
it was so difficult, and heartbreaking for me to know he was out there, lost, miserable and on the verge of death. letting him go completely may have saved his life.
god bless you, sweety, and hang in there
Keepingmyjoy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Thanks everybody. Yes, I do think I learned a lesson yesterday. It stuns me how much I have yet to learn. I guess the most important thing is that I want to learn to live life without him. How sad.
I am not sure I would have gone after I read the responses here. I might have just called 911. But, I am glad I went and glad that I saw that he is still trying to rope me into his mess. I have read about other people here that are just so happy that their A finally wanted to get help. Some it worked out for, some it didn't. But I guess since this was the first time he wanted it, I went. Now I can say, I brought you in, now it is up to you. But, this WILL be the LAST time I take him in. He is on his own journey now.
About trust: LTD, you are so right. I need to trust myself, and I don't, but I am starting to. This whole copendant recovery is so weird. You have all these feelings that you have stuffed down for so many years and then you get out of the situation, feel the feelings and start to feel better. Then, bam, the minute you are confronted by the A again and their problems, you revert right back to the "I don't know what to do" stage again!!! I think I am starting to see the whole "no contact" thing alittle more clear.
Thanks you all. And thanks for always being so honest and forthright! You guys are really the best!
I am not sure I would have gone after I read the responses here. I might have just called 911. But, I am glad I went and glad that I saw that he is still trying to rope me into his mess. I have read about other people here that are just so happy that their A finally wanted to get help. Some it worked out for, some it didn't. But I guess since this was the first time he wanted it, I went. Now I can say, I brought you in, now it is up to you. But, this WILL be the LAST time I take him in. He is on his own journey now.
About trust: LTD, you are so right. I need to trust myself, and I don't, but I am starting to. This whole copendant recovery is so weird. You have all these feelings that you have stuffed down for so many years and then you get out of the situation, feel the feelings and start to feel better. Then, bam, the minute you are confronted by the A again and their problems, you revert right back to the "I don't know what to do" stage again!!! I think I am starting to see the whole "no contact" thing alittle more clear.
Thanks you all. And thanks for always being so honest and forthright! You guys are really the best!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by keepingmyjoy 
About trust: LTD, you are so right. I need to trust myself, and I don't, but I am starting to.
In fact, I cannot tell you exactly when it happened for me. But it did, and it will for you, too.Here's hoping today is a great day for you!
L
Keepingmyjoy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Hi again. So, they let the AH out today. He called me to get a ride home! I told him I could not since I was at work and had to get home to the little guy and since last night was hard on him (little guy) seeing him that way, thought it best if he found another ride.
So, apparently got a ride home with a friend of ours. The friend called me to let me know he picked him up and his is home safely. He has an appt with the outpatient place tomorrow, so we shall see what comes of that. But, I am out of the loop, will not be pulled back in. When he called me, he tried to tell me how it was and how they really did nothing but give him 2 handfuls of meds and were sending them home. He refused them all--he has that fear of taking anything since he lives in fear of liver failure.
Oh well, I told him I wished the best for him and that I hoped he kept that appointment. Not much more I could have done.
My codie self was burning to ask more questions, like, what do you mean they did not do this or that....ick. But I held it in...I am sitting here trying to let myself look at my "reactions" and going through in my head the scenarios of outcomes between my ole codie behavior and my new behavior. Aside from the new behavior being uncomfortable for me at the moment, when I am finished confronting the situation, I feel peaceful!
I just wanted to tell you too that I slept through the night last night...I mean the entire night. I never woke up once! I have not done that in at least 5 or 6 years (I know, had little guy in between too)! Usually I toss and turn and wake up at least 5 times a night. But the weight of the world being lifted from my shoulders is so great! I am actually sleeping! I can't tell you how many times I thought to myself that I should go to the doc and get sleeping pills. I had no idea how much stress I was under. And here I am sleeping great and have only been gone 5 days!
Love you all!
So, apparently got a ride home with a friend of ours. The friend called me to let me know he picked him up and his is home safely. He has an appt with the outpatient place tomorrow, so we shall see what comes of that. But, I am out of the loop, will not be pulled back in. When he called me, he tried to tell me how it was and how they really did nothing but give him 2 handfuls of meds and were sending them home. He refused them all--he has that fear of taking anything since he lives in fear of liver failure.
Oh well, I told him I wished the best for him and that I hoped he kept that appointment. Not much more I could have done.
My codie self was burning to ask more questions, like, what do you mean they did not do this or that....ick. But I held it in...I am sitting here trying to let myself look at my "reactions" and going through in my head the scenarios of outcomes between my ole codie behavior and my new behavior. Aside from the new behavior being uncomfortable for me at the moment, when I am finished confronting the situation, I feel peaceful!
I just wanted to tell you too that I slept through the night last night...I mean the entire night. I never woke up once! I have not done that in at least 5 or 6 years (I know, had little guy in between too)! Usually I toss and turn and wake up at least 5 times a night. But the weight of the world being lifted from my shoulders is so great! I am actually sleeping! I can't tell you how many times I thought to myself that I should go to the doc and get sleeping pills. I had no idea how much stress I was under. And here I am sleeping great and have only been gone 5 days!
Love you all!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
What a relief to know you are not responsible for a grown man, huh? I remember that feeling of the weight being lifted and cannot believe I survived for so long that way. I am so happy for you! Sweet dreams.
L
L
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: San Francisco CA
Posts: 18
It made me smile to read that you feel the weight of the world off your shoulders and that you are sleeping for the first time in years. I'm so happy for you and your little guy.
Congratulations on all your hard work on you. Sweet dreams, indeed!
robyn
Congratulations on all your hard work on you. Sweet dreams, indeed!
robyn
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
A practicing alcoholic who lives in fear of liver failure? Now THAT's interesting
Sleep tight, Keeping. I remember when I started to sleep through the whole night. Suddenly, inner peace felt like the ultimate luxury, better than all the jewels and furs and finery anyone could give me. Ahhhhhhh.
Sleep tight, Keeping. I remember when I started to sleep through the whole night. Suddenly, inner peace felt like the ultimate luxury, better than all the jewels and furs and finery anyone could give me. Ahhhhhhh.
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