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Hi,
I am new here and wanted to say hello. My sister is a recovering alcoholic (6 years). I have just finally admitted to myself that my husband is an alcoholic. He only drinks at night after the kids have gone to bed, drinks very little at parties, goes to work every day. No one would suspect. But for years he has had this pattern of promising he'll stop drinking, starting slowly to have a beer, then a few, then he's hiding the bottles of liquor. I swore at least 3 times if it happened again I would leave him. We have 3 young kids. I have a chronic pain syndrom called Fibromyalgia for which I take pain meds. I realized some were missing. He immediatly lied and said he was insulted that I accused him. He only fessed up after he realized there was no other explination as to where the pills went. I took the kids and left,a nd attended an Al-anon meeting that night. I am looking to go back as often as possible, but at least once a week. He has promised to stop again and get to the bottom of his problems. He went to an AA meeting, which he never did before, and is starting therapy which he has never done before. I am hoping he is for real this time. The kids and I are back home because I don't want to just run away from the problem, but if he lies again, I will have to leave, not only for my sake, but for the kids. How do you explain all of this to kids (my oldest is only 5!)
That's my story in a nutshell. Thanks for listening!
I am new here and wanted to say hello. My sister is a recovering alcoholic (6 years). I have just finally admitted to myself that my husband is an alcoholic. He only drinks at night after the kids have gone to bed, drinks very little at parties, goes to work every day. No one would suspect. But for years he has had this pattern of promising he'll stop drinking, starting slowly to have a beer, then a few, then he's hiding the bottles of liquor. I swore at least 3 times if it happened again I would leave him. We have 3 young kids. I have a chronic pain syndrom called Fibromyalgia for which I take pain meds. I realized some were missing. He immediatly lied and said he was insulted that I accused him. He only fessed up after he realized there was no other explination as to where the pills went. I took the kids and left,a nd attended an Al-anon meeting that night. I am looking to go back as often as possible, but at least once a week. He has promised to stop again and get to the bottom of his problems. He went to an AA meeting, which he never did before, and is starting therapy which he has never done before. I am hoping he is for real this time. The kids and I are back home because I don't want to just run away from the problem, but if he lies again, I will have to leave, not only for my sake, but for the kids. How do you explain all of this to kids (my oldest is only 5!)
That's my story in a nutshell. Thanks for listening!
welcome
Spongebob:
You'll find lots of understanding and shared experiences here. And, the site is available round the clock, so if you ever find yourself up in the middle of the night, and need to vent, this is the place.
Trying to decide whether to stay, to issue ultimatums, etc has had us all going around in circles at one time or another. It's okay to be unsure of the big plan for your future right now. Take time to consider what your priorities are, and eventually, you'll know how much distance, if any, to put between yourself and your husband.
I don't have kids, so I'm afraid I can't share any insights there. What I have told my adult friends and family is that staying with my husband was bad for my health. I couldn't endure the long-term mental stress of living in a twisted reality. And reality becomes more twisted the longer a person lives with an addict.
Some folks choose to stay with an addicted person, others not. I don't think that means that those who stay are stronger people, or that those who leave are running away from the problem, as you say.
I think it's more of a case of each person making the journey at a different pace. We each have different circumstances (financial, etc) to consider.
Keep coming back. Take care.
You'll find lots of understanding and shared experiences here. And, the site is available round the clock, so if you ever find yourself up in the middle of the night, and need to vent, this is the place.
Trying to decide whether to stay, to issue ultimatums, etc has had us all going around in circles at one time or another. It's okay to be unsure of the big plan for your future right now. Take time to consider what your priorities are, and eventually, you'll know how much distance, if any, to put between yourself and your husband.
I don't have kids, so I'm afraid I can't share any insights there. What I have told my adult friends and family is that staying with my husband was bad for my health. I couldn't endure the long-term mental stress of living in a twisted reality. And reality becomes more twisted the longer a person lives with an addict.
Some folks choose to stay with an addicted person, others not. I don't think that means that those who stay are stronger people, or that those who leave are running away from the problem, as you say.
I think it's more of a case of each person making the journey at a different pace. We each have different circumstances (financial, etc) to consider.
Keep coming back. Take care.
Welcome spongebob!
So glad you found us. This is a great place to find advice and strength! Read the sticky power posts at the top of the Alanon and Naranon boards. They are full of alot of good information. Going to meetings is a great start too. Your husband is seeking help which is a good sign. Admitting he has a problem is positive.
Take care of YOU and then you can take better care of your kids!
Keep coming back....
prayers and hugs,
matters
So glad you found us. This is a great place to find advice and strength! Read the sticky power posts at the top of the Alanon and Naranon boards. They are full of alot of good information. Going to meetings is a great start too. Your husband is seeking help which is a good sign. Admitting he has a problem is positive.
Take care of YOU and then you can take better care of your kids!
Keep coming back....
prayers and hugs,
matters
Hi spongebob,
Love the name!
Glad you're here. Great job on getting to an Alanon meeting.
My AH's drining patterns were similar to yours. Sneaking and hiding. Not letting it interfere with his job etc. I was the only one, it appeared, that was affected by his drinking several years ago, in the earlier years of our marriage. I thought I was crazy.
I began to go to Alanon and got help for me. The support and knowledge I received helped me greatly. I learned that I wasn't crazy, but that I was co-dependent and as sick as he.
We've struggled over the years with sobriety and drunkenness. Alcoholism is progressive, and, after twenty years of living with it, I did reach MY bottom. An event ocurred that caused me to make a drastic change in MY life and we separated.
He's now in a true active recovery program...with AA and a sponsor. I guess my decision to focus on me caused him a great deal of pain and he made the decision to get help for himself. I did not threaten, or make ultimations. I just asked him to leave, and set some boundaries.
I still struggle at times, but I'm finally working on getting myself healthy. My kids, ages 16, 12 and 10, are my prioity. It is very difficult for them at times, but they see their Dad making progress and they adore him and they trust ME.
The only regret that I have is not educating them sooner on AH's illness. They've witnessed some of the symtoms of alcoholism....angers easily, goofy and overly happy at times and moody, withdrawn at other times. But they had no clue that he is alcoholic, until an event occured in January that brought everything out into the open.
I thought I was doing the right thing by sheltering and protecting them all these years. I wasn't. I would not have told them the horrifying details of events regarding their Dad and alcoholism, but I would have provided some age appropriate education to them individually and matter-of-factly.
I'm still struggle with wanting someone to just tell me what to do, or finding a crystal ball answer, but this group reminds me that I don't have to make any decisions today. I CAN continue to focus on my recovery and take the "wait and see" approach.
Please do what you are comfortable with. No one knows you better than YOU. Take care of yourself....
Sarah
Love the name!
Glad you're here. Great job on getting to an Alanon meeting.
My AH's drining patterns were similar to yours. Sneaking and hiding. Not letting it interfere with his job etc. I was the only one, it appeared, that was affected by his drinking several years ago, in the earlier years of our marriage. I thought I was crazy.
I began to go to Alanon and got help for me. The support and knowledge I received helped me greatly. I learned that I wasn't crazy, but that I was co-dependent and as sick as he.
We've struggled over the years with sobriety and drunkenness. Alcoholism is progressive, and, after twenty years of living with it, I did reach MY bottom. An event ocurred that caused me to make a drastic change in MY life and we separated.
He's now in a true active recovery program...with AA and a sponsor. I guess my decision to focus on me caused him a great deal of pain and he made the decision to get help for himself. I did not threaten, or make ultimations. I just asked him to leave, and set some boundaries.
I still struggle at times, but I'm finally working on getting myself healthy. My kids, ages 16, 12 and 10, are my prioity. It is very difficult for them at times, but they see their Dad making progress and they adore him and they trust ME.
The only regret that I have is not educating them sooner on AH's illness. They've witnessed some of the symtoms of alcoholism....angers easily, goofy and overly happy at times and moody, withdrawn at other times. But they had no clue that he is alcoholic, until an event occured in January that brought everything out into the open.
I thought I was doing the right thing by sheltering and protecting them all these years. I wasn't. I would not have told them the horrifying details of events regarding their Dad and alcoholism, but I would have provided some age appropriate education to them individually and matter-of-factly.
I'm still struggle with wanting someone to just tell me what to do, or finding a crystal ball answer, but this group reminds me that I don't have to make any decisions today. I CAN continue to focus on my recovery and take the "wait and see" approach.
Please do what you are comfortable with. No one knows you better than YOU. Take care of yourself....
Sarah
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