uncertainty

I just really want to believe THIS time. What if this time it is true??? My AH and I are separated, we have been for a year now. In the beginning, he didnt even try to get sober. He said he was, and I would constantly catch him lying, he even drove drunk with our two children in the car (age 7 and 3). In August, I started to date someone and he freaked out and immediately he started to go to AA, he just got a 90 day chip. His attitude has changed about things, except when he doesnt get his way, I see glimpses of his selfish past. We have a business together and the children so we have contact every day. I know that he goes to AA at least 2 or more times a day and is working the steps. I do not allow him to have the kids overnight, and he recently started pushing me to do that. Is he being honest about his sobriety? Is he ready to have the kids overnight? how long should someone be sober before you give them another chance with the children? Also, he wants to get back together, all he keeps telling me is how much he loves me. and how sorry he is. During our marriage, he was physically & verbally abusive, he cheated on me with his brothers wife, and passed out everynight leaving me to run both our 24 hr businesses and take care of the children. I always was hoping that he would get sober, and now that I can finally move on, I fell like I am getting sucked back in again. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing for the kids. I feel like Charlie Brown and the football, No, really Lucy are you going to let me kick it this time? (but she never does).

Wow, enough rambling, Does anyone have any idea when it would be safe to let the kids stay over night with him? Sometimes I feel he is just pushing the issue of things to try and get back at me because I wont take him back. He didnt care the whole time he thought that I ws still on the hook.

harleygirl92156

90 days is not enough time in my opinion. I didn't see REAL changes in my husband and true sobriety until he was about a year in to it.

Does he have a sponsor? If not, he should if he is truely working a program.

Of course the choice is all yours, but I would give it more time if it were me, because 90 days is just the tip of the ice berg.

Barbara52

I agree 90 days is not long enough. Those children need your protection and unless you are absolutely sure he is ready and responsible enough, its too soon.

uncertainty

He does have a sponsor. He told me that it isn't about if I am "comfortable" with the overnights, its that he wants it and he is sober. I don't want to keep the kids from him. I have allowed him to spend time with them anytime he wants. I have even let him hang out here at the house. I just really want the kids to be safe. I have trusted him before and he has let me down. He told me that if I won't let him have them overnight then he was going to a laywer. We have separation papers that say I have custody and visitation would be at my discretion. He says that he signed them before he got sober. Would he be able to get overnight visitation?

Barbara52

Its hard to predict what a judge might do. Your AH can request changes but you can fight them and the judge will make up his mind based on what you both have to say.

guineapigjude

Ummm, I might be off base, but if he tells a judge that he didn't know what he was doing when he signed the separation agreement because he was drunk, that would be a red flag to the judge that he isn't safe. Given that and the info you have about him driving the kids drunk, and his short sobriety time, hopefully the judge wouldn't be too lenient.