What is this fear about?
 

THe more I read, the more I know it's time to go. (I rhymed!) I'm scared and sad. I do love my AH when he is not drinking. He has an amazing heart but this is a progressive disease and he is not involved enough in his recovery. He's taking antidepressants and seeing a counselor every other week but truly, I can see his heart is just not in it.
When I think about truly leaving, I feel some excitement but fear too. What is this fear about?:praying

For me, it was
fear of the unknown,
fear that I might be making a mistake,
fear that I couldn't support myself or make it on my own
fear that he might actually get well after I leave,
fear of what people would think
fear of what he might do if I left him (would it be my fault??)
fear that I would never be happy or find love again

That's just for starters.

I journaled and journaled about my fears. Sometimes they got so big I coudl barely breath. I went to lots and LOTS of Al Anon meetings, and I talked to recovery friends. Little by little, day by day, I was able to overcome my fears.

Life is good on the other side.

Hugs

Cats

The fears I felt were about the unknown. The unknown is always scary to some degree but often exciting at the same time.

I didn't know how AH would react. For a while I feared he would commit suicide. I didn't know if he could handle being alone. He can. Even if he still doesn't want to admit the depth of his problems.

I didn't know if I was going to be able to stick to my resolution to leave and stay gone. I worried that others would think badly of me for leaving. I worried about all sorts of stuff that never came to be.

Just the base line human servival instink.
food, water and shelter. i mother's instink
to give her child those basic needs.

Our body and mind adjusted had gotten comfortable
to the envirnment. Our concisouse mind has also
deluted itself so it can keep itself functioning.
In other words it also creates denial.
Therefore Fear= fualts evident appearing real.

However if the house is burning...it's time to go.

Codependency or addiction...is cunning in this way.
It dosn't happen over night and it gives you fualts hopes
to keep you in the cycle.

In other words...if the devil shows up with a pitch fork...obviousely
I'll figure it out.
it's when the devil shows up with a blue dress on...that i have a heck
of a time and get confused a lillte bit.lol

Don't trip out for have fears..fears are natural
human feelings. You can use it to serve you. Face them,
face your fears and fears will run and hide.

I have to use analogy sometimes..it helps me think clearer.
Becuase when I'm emotionally attached. i don't think or act
rationally until it's too late.

For me it was fear of change. Fear that as soon as I left he'd make the changes I wanted him to make. Fear of what people thought. Fear that he would hurt himself.
You name it and I was afraid of it. But then I thought, it couldn't be worse than the fear of wondering every night if he was drinking or where he was or what was he doing.

One thing you said that keeps pounding over and over in my head is
That is so true. My sweet, kind, do-anything-for-you(sober) husband eventually progressed and became abusive; mental, verbal and eventually physical. Something I never thought in a million years he would do. It is progressive.

Someone at SR said to me the other day that the right thing is never the easy thing. Only you know what is right for you!

Change! We feel comfortable, because we have learnt the patterns. Leaving means finding new patterns, which can feel exhilerating and nerving at the same time.

My mum has the motto...

Do something each day that scares you, push your limits, feel life!