Hey guys! I did it, I moved out and lived through it!!!!
Keepingmyjoy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Hey guys! I did it, I moved out and lived through it!!!!
OMG, I have so much to tell you all. But most of all....
I did it! It was awful, painful, torturous, joyous and so many other emotions, but I did it. I left. I am now sitting in my townhouse I rented with little guy sleeping upstairs all peacefully and comfy.
I am so exhausted, but relieved. AH could not believe I was moving early. He flipped out on me. He said so many awful things, things I am sure many of you have already heard. He was absolutely nasty. So, like I mentioned, my friend did come over to help, thank God. I could not have done it all without her. I thought I had a week to pack, not one day!
AH basically hid downstairs the whole time. But, when she left for a few minutes to get more bags to put stuff in, up he comes, all nasty with horrible filth coming out of his mouth. He's thinking she is gone and done. So here she comes back in 15 minutes...down he goes into hiding again. I told her what happened and she said that she did not want to leave later in the day and would be staying overnight. What a good friend! She stayed, then went home for a shower and was back for the moving van arrival.
AH was completely distraught and crying in the morning. All anger seemed to be gone. Got little guy crying a few times cause he wanted to keep hugging him and since AH was crying, little guy did not understand and would start to sob! OMG, it was heartwrenching. Meanwhile, I just kept packing up the rest of the stuff that was left and comforting little guy trying to reassure him it will be okay etc. Every time I had to walk past him, he would say that he would have to kill himself. I told him that I had better call 911 then. He would just roll his eyes.
He came over to me a couple of times and hugged me and said, "It didn't have to be this way" and I said, "No, it didn't". He tells me he loves me, and I told him that I loved him too with all my heart, but that love was never the problem, that his drinking was, and that I hoped that he would find a way to deal with his anger issues and alcoholism before it killed him.
Then, get this! The mail comes and what do you think is in the mail???? My copy of the full custody request and a court date! Could it get any more interesting???
It had to come that day in the mail???? More verbal nastiness.
Then, when moving van arrived, he just sat in the garage, watching them put all the stuff in the van, having beer after beer (which by the way, he had his 1st beer at 6:30 am). He was getting angrier by then.
Through the whole loading process, I felt like I was going to throw up. I had a few moments where I thought I was was going to lose it in total panic. Those moments were the worst--I felt like I could not breathe and would get light headed. But, they did pass. And everytime I walked passed the hole in the wall he kicked Thursday night and the hole that I patched up, after he never finished repairing it 2 years ago, I was reminded why I was leaving.
When the movers were almost done, AH says, "you need to leave the vacuum so I can vacuum and then pick it up Monday". I am thinking, "yeah sure, right now you are all the martyr while my friend is here". Since I paid for this really expensive vacuum, and love it, I am sure he would like nothing better than a bargaining chip for some item he wanted etc. So, for my last official "on site" codie behaviour, I vacuumed the upstairs where most of my stuff was removed. Then I took my vacuum with me.
Watching the moving van leave was gut wrenching. Saying good-bye to him was awful. Walking out the door of my "home" with little guy was one of the most painful things I have ever done. I had to remind my self to breathe. Started to drive away, tears are rolling down my eyes as I left behind the pain, sorrow and torture I had been living with, sadness almost overwhelming me. But the further away I got, the more the hope and relief would break in, in very small amounts, but it was there.
I got unloaded at new place and it only took about 3 hours for him to call and saying he would be killing himself in the morning. Well, long story short, I did call him this morning, no answer, so had my friend and neighbor go check on him. He had his brother over and they had had a "big night" of drinking she said and that he was fine, hurting badly, but fine, alive. He asked her to take him to the store to buy beer, she said no, she would buy him coffee. So, she took him to store and he only bought coffee.
This afternoon, I got the call (once again, I was expecting it) blaming me for everything and that he hates me, that I broke up the family, and that he will NEVER forgive me -- quack quack quack.
Right now I am starting to be unpacked. Alot left. I am so exhausted I can barely walk. But you know what? I am so relaxed and so is little guy. I slept good the first night and so did he. I have a few things to share about little guy and some of the reactions and things he said, but will save that for another post.
For now, I thank you all so much for your support. When I think back to my feelings of desperation when I first found you all and to where I am now, I am so grateful for each and every one of your posts.
And here is the big one for me: I actually feel pleased with myself...not sure if I am proud of myself, but pleased that I actually followed through on my biggest boundary. Phew. Good for me!
Getting tired now, but will check in again tomorrow.
Love and support to you all, no matter where you are in the journey of recovery. I hope you are all doing well, as I have yet to catch up totally on posts...
xxoo:ghug
I did it! It was awful, painful, torturous, joyous and so many other emotions, but I did it. I left. I am now sitting in my townhouse I rented with little guy sleeping upstairs all peacefully and comfy.
I am so exhausted, but relieved. AH could not believe I was moving early. He flipped out on me. He said so many awful things, things I am sure many of you have already heard. He was absolutely nasty. So, like I mentioned, my friend did come over to help, thank God. I could not have done it all without her. I thought I had a week to pack, not one day!
AH basically hid downstairs the whole time. But, when she left for a few minutes to get more bags to put stuff in, up he comes, all nasty with horrible filth coming out of his mouth. He's thinking she is gone and done. So here she comes back in 15 minutes...down he goes into hiding again. I told her what happened and she said that she did not want to leave later in the day and would be staying overnight. What a good friend! She stayed, then went home for a shower and was back for the moving van arrival.
AH was completely distraught and crying in the morning. All anger seemed to be gone. Got little guy crying a few times cause he wanted to keep hugging him and since AH was crying, little guy did not understand and would start to sob! OMG, it was heartwrenching. Meanwhile, I just kept packing up the rest of the stuff that was left and comforting little guy trying to reassure him it will be okay etc. Every time I had to walk past him, he would say that he would have to kill himself. I told him that I had better call 911 then. He would just roll his eyes.
He came over to me a couple of times and hugged me and said, "It didn't have to be this way" and I said, "No, it didn't". He tells me he loves me, and I told him that I loved him too with all my heart, but that love was never the problem, that his drinking was, and that I hoped that he would find a way to deal with his anger issues and alcoholism before it killed him.
Then, get this! The mail comes and what do you think is in the mail???? My copy of the full custody request and a court date! Could it get any more interesting???
It had to come that day in the mail???? More verbal nastiness.Then, when moving van arrived, he just sat in the garage, watching them put all the stuff in the van, having beer after beer (which by the way, he had his 1st beer at 6:30 am). He was getting angrier by then.
Through the whole loading process, I felt like I was going to throw up. I had a few moments where I thought I was was going to lose it in total panic. Those moments were the worst--I felt like I could not breathe and would get light headed. But, they did pass. And everytime I walked passed the hole in the wall he kicked Thursday night and the hole that I patched up, after he never finished repairing it 2 years ago, I was reminded why I was leaving.
When the movers were almost done, AH says, "you need to leave the vacuum so I can vacuum and then pick it up Monday". I am thinking, "yeah sure, right now you are all the martyr while my friend is here". Since I paid for this really expensive vacuum, and love it, I am sure he would like nothing better than a bargaining chip for some item he wanted etc. So, for my last official "on site" codie behaviour, I vacuumed the upstairs where most of my stuff was removed. Then I took my vacuum with me.
Watching the moving van leave was gut wrenching. Saying good-bye to him was awful. Walking out the door of my "home" with little guy was one of the most painful things I have ever done. I had to remind my self to breathe. Started to drive away, tears are rolling down my eyes as I left behind the pain, sorrow and torture I had been living with, sadness almost overwhelming me. But the further away I got, the more the hope and relief would break in, in very small amounts, but it was there.
I got unloaded at new place and it only took about 3 hours for him to call and saying he would be killing himself in the morning. Well, long story short, I did call him this morning, no answer, so had my friend and neighbor go check on him. He had his brother over and they had had a "big night" of drinking she said and that he was fine, hurting badly, but fine, alive. He asked her to take him to the store to buy beer, she said no, she would buy him coffee. So, she took him to store and he only bought coffee.
This afternoon, I got the call (once again, I was expecting it) blaming me for everything and that he hates me, that I broke up the family, and that he will NEVER forgive me -- quack quack quack.
Right now I am starting to be unpacked. Alot left. I am so exhausted I can barely walk. But you know what? I am so relaxed and so is little guy. I slept good the first night and so did he. I have a few things to share about little guy and some of the reactions and things he said, but will save that for another post.
For now, I thank you all so much for your support. When I think back to my feelings of desperation when I first found you all and to where I am now, I am so grateful for each and every one of your posts.
And here is the big one for me: I actually feel pleased with myself...not sure if I am proud of myself, but pleased that I actually followed through on my biggest boundary. Phew. Good for me!
Getting tired now, but will check in again tomorrow.
Love and support to you all, no matter where you are in the journey of recovery. I hope you are all doing well, as I have yet to catch up totally on posts...
xxoo:ghug
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I have been biting my nails hoping to hear from you, Keeping! (not going all codie on you, just hoping that everything was alright) Thanks so much for checking in.
I went on a long hike today that was alllll uphill one way, and when I got to the top I ran into a nice man who said "Congratulations.......you got through the hardest part!" Now I can say the same to you
Now you're sitting there in your new place and you have a bunch of paths open to you -- it's all your choice, your decision, based on YOUR dreams. I wish you many, many more nights of deep dreaming, and many mornings where you wake up and know (not think, but KNOW) that your life belongs to you.
Your husband is on his own journey. I wish him luck in finding his way. It's not your responsibility.
The parents here will be happy to share their experience in helping their lil' guys through the transition. All you have to do is ask.....but of course you already know that!
Hugs,
GL
I went on a long hike today that was alllll uphill one way, and when I got to the top I ran into a nice man who said "Congratulations.......you got through the hardest part!" Now I can say the same to you
Now you're sitting there in your new place and you have a bunch of paths open to you -- it's all your choice, your decision, based on YOUR dreams. I wish you many, many more nights of deep dreaming, and many mornings where you wake up and know (not think, but KNOW) that your life belongs to you.
Your husband is on his own journey. I wish him luck in finding his way. It's not your responsibility.
The parents here will be happy to share their experience in helping their lil' guys through the transition. All you have to do is ask.....but of course you already know that!
Hugs,
GL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 24
So happy to hear from you Keeping, I've been thinking about you all weekend and hoping to hear from you that you and the 'lil guy are safe and sound in your new place.
I'm so very proud of you. You are doing what is certainly best for you and for the little guy.
Make sure you get some rest from all the unpacking and just breathe!!
Look out your window, look at the sky, enjoy the scenery (whatever it may be - parking lot, brick wall, beautiful beach, it's all beautiful!!) knowing your son is safe, you are safe and look forward to what life has in store for you.
You are a true inspiration!!
I'm so very proud of you. You are doing what is certainly best for you and for the little guy.
Make sure you get some rest from all the unpacking and just breathe!!
Look out your window, look at the sky, enjoy the scenery (whatever it may be - parking lot, brick wall, beautiful beach, it's all beautiful!!) knowing your son is safe, you are safe and look forward to what life has in store for you.
You are a true inspiration!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Excellent job.......now your son will have a great chance of a great future - all due to the strength of a very powerful mother.....awesome - awesome - awesome......
Enjoy your new home and all the new memories that go with that endeavor..
Janitw
Enjoy your new home and all the new memories that go with that endeavor..
Janitw
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Wow, that took a lot of courage. I know it was heartbreaking for you and little guy to walk away from someone you still love, but you had to do the right thing for you and your son. There may still be some difficult times ahead as you begin to adjust to your new life, but you will get through them with the same grace, strength, and determination that you displayed this week.
Sending prayers of strength, peace, and happiness for you and your son and healing prayers for your husband and everyone who suffers from the disease of alcoholism.
Sending prayers of strength, peace, and happiness for you and your son and healing prayers for your husband and everyone who suffers from the disease of alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by keepingmyjoy 
And here is the big one for me: I actually feel pleased with myself...not sure if I am proud of myself, but pleased that I actually followed through on my biggest boundary. Phew. Good for me!
It sounds like it was hell while you got out. But now you and your son can begin to heal and move on to a better future whatever comes your way.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
You're my hero today. You've taken great care of yourself and given your child a wonderful gift - a safe place to stay with a healthy parent.
Your AH might quack a bit louder before he stops, so be ready for that.
Hugs
Cats
Your AH might quack a bit louder before he stops, so be ready for that.
Hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Yes, a true heroine!
I make it a practice that if anyone threatens suicide I call 911. It will either save a life or stop someone from making threats as manipulation. Had stepson Baker acted a couple weeks ago. He won't try to play me that way ever again...it is a brutal thing to do to someone to threaten them with that.
I make it a practice that if anyone threatens suicide I call 911. It will either save a life or stop someone from making threats as manipulation. Had stepson Baker acted a couple weeks ago. He won't try to play me that way ever again...it is a brutal thing to do to someone to threaten them with that.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You have every right to be pleased. You have a peaceful new home! You only have to take his calls if you want to. Now that he doesn't have you maybe that will be his wake-up call- I hope so for your child.
If not, at least you no longer live w/ the unacceptable. Even with the sadness of ending your marriage you can will know more happiness with ea. day!!!!
If not, at least you no longer live w/ the unacceptable. Even with the sadness of ending your marriage you can will know more happiness with ea. day!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 156
I think they think alike...
WOW! Mine did exactly the same thing. After the moving truck left, I drove to DC from NC, not sure how I got there...whoa probably not safe but I had to roll out.
"He came over to me a couple of times and hugged me and said, "It didn't have to be this way" and I said, "No, it didn't". He tells me he loves me, and I told him that I loved him too with all my heart, but that love was never the problem, that his drinking was, and that I hoped that he would find a way to deal with his anger issues and alcoholism before it killed him."
If nothing changes, nothing changes! I am so happy for you. You deserve the peace and serenity! Congratulations.
"He came over to me a couple of times and hugged me and said, "It didn't have to be this way" and I said, "No, it didn't". He tells me he loves me, and I told him that I loved him too with all my heart, but that love was never the problem, that his drinking was, and that I hoped that he would find a way to deal with his anger issues and alcoholism before it killed him."
If nothing changes, nothing changes! I am so happy for you. You deserve the peace and serenity! Congratulations.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
welcome to your new life, keeping!!! and cats is right....the quacking,and behaviors from hubs may become more intense. just be prepared for it and have a plan of action to follow that will protect your peace.
i know how heartbreaking this was for you......but brighter days are ahead.
congratulations!!!!!
i know how heartbreaking this was for you......but brighter days are ahead.
congratulations!!!!!
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Sooo happy for you and your little fella! Congratulations, hope you are planning a lovely moving in party with your friends! Lots to celebrate! Wishing you all joy and happiness for the future xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Congrats to you!
A lot of courage and strength inside of you! Be very proud of yourself and know that you did the right thing for you and your son!
One day at a time.....you will be ok!
A lot of courage and strength inside of you! Be very proud of yourself and know that you did the right thing for you and your son!
One day at a time.....you will be ok!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 104
You are a true inspiration. I wish you and your son peace and happiness. Stay strong and enjoy your serenity.
My A leaves on Saturday and I thank you for giving me the boost of courage I needed to get through another day.
Wishing you both health and happiness!!!!
My A leaves on Saturday and I thank you for giving me the boost of courage I needed to get through another day.
Wishing you both health and happiness!!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
