Courage to Change ~ Nov 8 Manipulation
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Courage to Change ~ Nov 8 Manipulation
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 11/9
We humans are wonderfully adaptable. We find creative solutions to impossible situations. One coping skill that some of us develop is manipulating other people in order to get what we want. Alcoholism can create such a threatening environment that manipulation seems necessary. Today, with the help of Al Anon, we are learning to do more than merely survive, and such manipulation becomes unnecessary and unacceptable. In Al Anon, we learn healthier ways to meet our own needs and to behave towards others.
Manipulation had been a normal part of my life for so long that I forgot how to have a discussion or make a straightforward request. If I wanted someone to do the dishes, I tried to make them feel guilty by telling them how much I had done for them, or I complained that they never did their part. It never occurred to me that I could simply and politely ask for what I wanted, or that I could accept my request being turned down! But I’m learning. A day at a time I’m learning.
Today’s Reminder:
Today I am creating a better way of living, free of guilt and deception.
“We choose to behave with personal integrity, not because it will make someone else feel better, but because it reflects a way of living that enriches and heals us.”….. In All Our Affairs.
We humans are wonderfully adaptable. We find creative solutions to impossible situations. One coping skill that some of us develop is manipulating other people in order to get what we want. Alcoholism can create such a threatening environment that manipulation seems necessary. Today, with the help of Al Anon, we are learning to do more than merely survive, and such manipulation becomes unnecessary and unacceptable. In Al Anon, we learn healthier ways to meet our own needs and to behave towards others.
Manipulation had been a normal part of my life for so long that I forgot how to have a discussion or make a straightforward request. If I wanted someone to do the dishes, I tried to make them feel guilty by telling them how much I had done for them, or I complained that they never did their part. It never occurred to me that I could simply and politely ask for what I wanted, or that I could accept my request being turned down! But I’m learning. A day at a time I’m learning.
Today’s Reminder:
Today I am creating a better way of living, free of guilt and deception.
“We choose to behave with personal integrity, not because it will make someone else feel better, but because it reflects a way of living that enriches and heals us.”….. In All Our Affairs.
Forum Leader
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
It never occurred to me that I could simply and politely ask for what I wanted, or that I could accept my request being turned down!
It sounds so simple, and it is... but it's incredibly hard at the same time. I catch myself now. Instead of saying "Gosh, I have to have this surgery tomorrow and I just don't know if I'll be able to drive myself home... the doctor says I shouldn't drive on the medication... maybe I can call a cab...or just crawl home on a side street...."
I can call a friend and ask, "Could you pick me up at 1 pm at the doctor's office?"
A day at a time, I'm learning.
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