Eat...there are posters here who were left by their recovering A partners and, as hurtful as that is, if you read Melody Beattie's book, Beyond Co-dependency, she explains that until As have been soberly working a 12 step programme for at least a year, they are NOT suitable relationship material.

I think, from some of the comments XABF made to me ("oh,you'll find someone better/why would you want to be with someone like me?" as examples that spring to mind), there is a level at which As know they don't make good partners especially if the non-A partner refuses to engage in their drinking binges. I'm sure the A does SEE that the relationship is not fairly balanced and that it is all about the A making sure he/she gets his drinking started each day.

Eat...rejection is always painful but please try to see that your ABF, functioning or not, had done you a HUGE favour. When I met XABF, he was white knuckling it....not drinking but not working a programme. He claimed he had been a "functional A" prior to that. Well, hearing about it from others, he had hit some pretty low points even before I came along. Then he started drinking again with me and I watched him spiral down so low that I knew I had to get out. You don't want to see post-functional A.

So what are you doing for YOU now?

ARL

I was begged back into the relationship many times over 18 years. We left each other in the end I suppose - I went to Al-Anon and he filed for divorce.

It hurts to be rejected by anyone I love, alcoholic or not. My own recovery has helped me get past the hurt to a life that is truly joyous and free.

((()))

thank you...
 

to all who replied to my thread.
While I am sad to hear that others have gone through so much worse than I, it brings me comfort to know I am not alone.
Because ! was dumped only 48 hours ago this is all still very raw for me. I spent the first day crying and cleaning (from my birthday party the night before) -- his timing was great ,huh? And yesterday I marched myself down to the bookstore and bought "Facing Co-dependency".

Facing the fact that I am co-dependent feels shameful and embarassing, but I am determined to work through this and not repeat it. I accepted the fact, many years ago, that I am co-dependent but never really did work on it. I guess awareness is only a small part of it. I see now why I was drawn to this man and others like him.

So, to turn this thing around, I guess his timing was spot on. He gave me a new, albeit frightening, opportunity for a new beginning for my birthday.

:a194:

((gab)) sorry your hurting too. I would suggest fighting that urge. Looking back and sometimes i still make EVERY excuse in the book for my exabf's bad behavior. They have a choice between right and wrong, and are adults. It will destroy you if you think it will go back to the way it was. It may for a while but will quickly return to that old way again.

My dad told me some advice that if i could get through the pain once and for all a few months ago when we first broke up, that it would be much less pain than getting back together and prolonging it happening again down the road trying to heal. I know it's not easy for any of us but if he's on a destructive path, you DON'T want to be in that nightmare. No contact has saved my life.

i understand how your feeling

After my ex-AH got into "recovery" (at least that what he called it back then) he met a girl in his AA group, moved in with her and had a baby.....so I know your pain, but on the other side of the pain, there is peace and my life is so great now. There is no way my life would be this wonderful if I were still with him....I'd still be in constant pain.....if you would like, you can go back and read all the threads I started back in early 2006, but I have to warn you....I was sick, sick, sick! I have a come really far since then....but the one thing I can promise you if that the best thing that ever happened was him leaving me for another A.......

its normal