lostnfound1961

On tuesday it will be 18 months since I had a drink. Good for me. Unfortunatly as things have been so hard lately, I have thought about it a lot. It's not that I want to get drunk, or that I crave the stuff, it's that I am angry and hurting and when this happens the first thing that goes through my mined is someone must pay for this, someone must be punished and if I get rip rorring drunk then he will be sorry. (Wrong, I will) I get to the point that I feel like (what's the use) (why bother)

I wont drink, I just needed to share that with you.
D

Astro

Hate to throw program at you, but embracing the 12 Steps of AA gave me the spirituality and the tools to deal with the hurt and anger.

I'm sorry you're hurting, and there are still plenty of times when I feel resentment and anger, and naturally the one that pays is me. We've all heard before what they say about resentment, it's like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.

No thanks, I'll take another 24 hours of peace and serenity, clean and sober.

DetachMe9

Uh oh. My last drink was on my 32nd birthday (14 years ago) and I still feel that way sometimes! Stupid disease doesn't go away just because you get sober, or work the steps for that matter...

Congratulations for getting yourself 18 months into the land of the living. You must then know by now that thinking that way (when things aren't going well) can get very stinky, and lead to more thinking, which can lead to even more stinkiness, etc. You get my drift. Call someone; make it to the 6:00 tonight - wherever you are.

brighthope

Resentment is a poison for the co-dependent non-drinker too.

Impurrfect

I've seen a lot of people have these thoughts more when it's close to a birthday (whether it's 3 months, 9 months, etc.) Don't know why it happens, but maybe it will help knowing it happens. Now, when an important date is coming up, I just work harder at recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

minnie

Why bother?

Because you matter.

kelsh

Hi Anvil, Thanks for that article!!

That article is very good. When I was ending up my year of counseling, my counselor reminded me of my anniversary dates...the months of December and February. I didn't know about this at first. But I soon found out that thoughts and tapes run in my head around the time of when the events happened and send up very dramatic triggers without me being conscious of what is happening until it is full blown and I am back into a deep black hole of depression

Now that I know when these things will occur, I prepare myself by being aware of what is happening around me. I had a baby die 38 years ago in a SIDS death and that tape is clear as a bell in my head still. She died on the 6th of August, 1969. I have worked hard on this issue and it seems my body and brain help me to forget the day until it has passed. Unique! I will think of the day before or after the 6th & it relieves a lot of grief for me.

Sometimes I would sit in my counselor's office with tears running out of my eyes, while we were talking and he would ask about the tears and I didn't know why the tears were running down my face.

After all the years that have passed for most of the catastrophic events, I seem to handle them better. I will never forget them but I don't constantly ruminate about them either.

kelsh

Spiritual Seeker

God grant you the strenth to change the things you can, acceptance of the rest, and the wisdom to know the difference. Sounds like you need to get to a mtg.???
You have come so far...You are awesome

rawr_x

im excited that your getting better with your drinking. i hope you stay sober. try to do something fun when your mad, other then drinking