The Emotional Roller Coaster
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 24
The Emotional Roller Coaster
I have posted a couple times now about how I have recently left my functioning AH. I read all these posts about the physical and mental abuse that people have been surviving and living with and thank goodness that I havn't let my life get to that point.
My AH is functioning, he is not abusive, he is not mean. While he is having a hard time dealing with the reality that his wife is leaving him due to his drinking, he seems to change his tactics every minute - one minute I'm receiving messages that he loves me and is trying to get help and will do anything for me, and the next minute I'm receiving messages about how awful I am to him and alluding to the fact that he thinks I'm having an affair.
I recognize that he is just looking for any and all excuses to blame this on me so that he does not have to deal with the truth that it is totally HIM and that would force him to deal with his own issues.
I know all this logically. And I know what I have to do. He may be functioning now, but I know that they don't stay functioning forever. And I don't plan to be around for the days when he stops functioning and starts spiraling out of control.
It's so strange though...my emotions are on a real roller coaster. While I can be all logical and recognize I'm doing the right thing, and know that all the nice things are just his tactics to get me back, which would do nothing to make things better. But the emotions...I spent all evening crying last night. I don't even know why I was crying...but I was crying...I can't wait to just feel normal again. To feel happy. I'm sick of feeling like this. I know I have no reason to feel guilt, but I do. I know I should be happy for the future ahead of me, but I'm sad. And I just wish I could fast forward the next 6 months of my life.
Trying to meet with him on Saturday to get him to sign the papers to sell the house. I'm pretty sure he's going to do everything he can to try and delay and I just want to do it all as quickly as possible...I can't wait until I'm living in my own place, my own space...
Anyways, thanks for listening. Just sick of crying and feeling this pain. So many different kinds of pain. Sick and tired of feeling sad.
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. It helps me get through each day.
Dakota.
My AH is functioning, he is not abusive, he is not mean. While he is having a hard time dealing with the reality that his wife is leaving him due to his drinking, he seems to change his tactics every minute - one minute I'm receiving messages that he loves me and is trying to get help and will do anything for me, and the next minute I'm receiving messages about how awful I am to him and alluding to the fact that he thinks I'm having an affair.
I recognize that he is just looking for any and all excuses to blame this on me so that he does not have to deal with the truth that it is totally HIM and that would force him to deal with his own issues.
I know all this logically. And I know what I have to do. He may be functioning now, but I know that they don't stay functioning forever. And I don't plan to be around for the days when he stops functioning and starts spiraling out of control.
It's so strange though...my emotions are on a real roller coaster. While I can be all logical and recognize I'm doing the right thing, and know that all the nice things are just his tactics to get me back, which would do nothing to make things better. But the emotions...I spent all evening crying last night. I don't even know why I was crying...but I was crying...I can't wait to just feel normal again. To feel happy. I'm sick of feeling like this. I know I have no reason to feel guilt, but I do. I know I should be happy for the future ahead of me, but I'm sad. And I just wish I could fast forward the next 6 months of my life.
Trying to meet with him on Saturday to get him to sign the papers to sell the house. I'm pretty sure he's going to do everything he can to try and delay and I just want to do it all as quickly as possible...I can't wait until I'm living in my own place, my own space...
Anyways, thanks for listening. Just sick of crying and feeling this pain. So many different kinds of pain. Sick and tired of feeling sad.
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. It helps me get through each day.
Dakota.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 13
Hi Dakota,
I know exactly how you feel -- that sense that your mind is way out ahead of where your emotions are, and your impatience with wanting your feelings to catch up with what you know to be true. I'm really impressed with how brave you are, and it says a lot about you that you have the courage to do some very hard and difficult things. My own experience is that within a month, the pain will at least be at a tolerable level. Not gone, but also not incapacitating on a daily basis. Hang in there...time is a great healer.
I know exactly how you feel -- that sense that your mind is way out ahead of where your emotions are, and your impatience with wanting your feelings to catch up with what you know to be true. I'm really impressed with how brave you are, and it says a lot about you that you have the courage to do some very hard and difficult things. My own experience is that within a month, the pain will at least be at a tolerable level. Not gone, but also not incapacitating on a daily basis. Hang in there...time is a great healer.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: land of the sick and tired
Posts: 68
You are so correct that it takes courage and strength. It takes strength to stand up for yourself and realize that you need to do what is right for you.
I am going through something similar in that I told my AH of 14 years that I was DONE. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I need some of "me" back.
Now that I told him I was done he decides to quit drinking. Granted he drank everyday for the last 14 years and it isnt like I have asked him to stop or cut down before. I could care less at this point whether or not he quits. Now since he has been sober for 2 months (not working a program), he wants me to go to marriage counseling. WHAT? Who is to say that 6 days, 6 months, or even 6 years from now he starts drinking again? I cannot continue to live on this roller coaster of life.
I hear all of his excuses, etc. The emotional part is soooo hard. But you need to stand strong. You know what is right for you.
I applaud you Dakota69 for taking charge of your life. Keep it up. You deserve the best.
I am going through something similar in that I told my AH of 14 years that I was DONE. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I need some of "me" back.
Now that I told him I was done he decides to quit drinking. Granted he drank everyday for the last 14 years and it isnt like I have asked him to stop or cut down before. I could care less at this point whether or not he quits. Now since he has been sober for 2 months (not working a program), he wants me to go to marriage counseling. WHAT? Who is to say that 6 days, 6 months, or even 6 years from now he starts drinking again? I cannot continue to live on this roller coaster of life.
I hear all of his excuses, etc. The emotional part is soooo hard. But you need to stand strong. You know what is right for you.
I applaud you Dakota69 for taking charge of your life. Keep it up. You deserve the best.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 24
Wow - this is why this site is so wonderful - I couldn't quite figure out what was going on between my head and emotions and when it would stop. You have hit the nail on the head - my emotions need to catch up.
Now that I have an explanation for it, I may be better able to deal with and accept it.
Courage and strength...yes...lots of that. I jokingly said to someone the other day (I do a lot of joking - laughter is a VERY good medicine for me) that I felt like jumping off a very tall building into a very shallow pool but followed that up with the fact they would never have to worry about it becuase I just woldn't have the guts/courage to take the step off the building. They laughed back at me and reminded me that what I'm doing takes more courage than anything else, so I certainly do have enough courage to do anything and everything I want!
So rather than jumping off the building, I think I'll just keep on the course I'm on and come back here often to be reminded that I do have the strength and why I'm doing the things I'm doing - for my future!!
Now that I have an explanation for it, I may be better able to deal with and accept it.
Courage and strength...yes...lots of that. I jokingly said to someone the other day (I do a lot of joking - laughter is a VERY good medicine for me) that I felt like jumping off a very tall building into a very shallow pool but followed that up with the fact they would never have to worry about it becuase I just woldn't have the guts/courage to take the step off the building. They laughed back at me and reminded me that what I'm doing takes more courage than anything else, so I certainly do have enough courage to do anything and everything I want!
So rather than jumping off the building, I think I'll just keep on the course I'm on and come back here often to be reminded that I do have the strength and why I'm doing the things I'm doing - for my future!!
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
wow, thanks you guys for sharing. I am still moving forward, but things are real strange right now. AH is acting like I never said I was leaving! He is being so nice and helpful and not drinking! I feel like saying, "Are ya daft man? Your wife is leaving you and you have no reaction????" Well, it is his reaction...trying to pretend it is all not happening and see if I don't keep my boundaries etc. But, it sure is bizarre!
Dak, you're doin great!
Dak, you're doin great!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Keep going forward, Dakota. Your body, mind and spirit are under a lot of stress right now. Some days, whether it's because of what's going on or just because you're tired, undernourished, didn't take your multivitamin, hormonally on edge, you won't be able to feel quite as impervious to the whole thing.
Some days you'll feel strong and calm.
Some days not so much.
It's all part of the adjustment process. All we can do is keep walking.
It's like this analogy I once read (about writing a novel, but it works here too) It's like driving a car to some destination at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
Keep on drivin'
GL
Some days you'll feel strong and calm.
Some days not so much.
It's all part of the adjustment process. All we can do is keep walking.
It's like this analogy I once read (about writing a novel, but it works here too) It's like driving a car to some destination at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
Keep on drivin'
GL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 24
Yup...I hear you with the bizarness of them sometimes...
I've gotten some messages from him like we're the best of pals...
Like he's expecting me to respond something along the lines of 'miss you too honey, be home later to tuck you in a kiss you goodnight!'.
I actually mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought he was living in his own little 'bizzarro world'!
Thanks for the support, I'll keep you posted!
And keep keeping your boundaries and keep on the path...'they' say it leads to the rainbows!!
I've gotten some messages from him like we're the best of pals...
Like he's expecting me to respond something along the lines of 'miss you too honey, be home later to tuck you in a kiss you goodnight!'.
I actually mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought he was living in his own little 'bizzarro world'!
Thanks for the support, I'll keep you posted!
And keep keeping your boundaries and keep on the path...'they' say it leads to the rainbows!!
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