dakota69

Well, just yesterday I was speaking to my step-mother (whom I have a very very close relationship with) and I was telling her that I would like to start getting angry and feeling angry rather than just sad.
I figured it would make it easier to continue on this path of leaving my husband and getting a place on my own if I was angry. I wouldn't have so much guilt and saddness.
Well, Now I'm starting to get angry and I'm not sure it's helping any. I was away for just over a week on a little road trip to get away from things for a few days to be able to get some sleep and just get my feet back on the ground. My AH knows I was returning to town yesterday.
Well, late last night I got a message from him sarcastically thanking me for letting him know I made it home safe. Huh?? I never indicated to him that I would let him know I was home safe, I indicated to him that I would be home on Monday and then would get in touch with him Monday or Tuesday to discuss the next steps with regards to getting the house on the market.
It was just him trying to make me feel bad I guess.
Made me more angry.
THEN...at 3 in the morning he sent me another message telling me how when I left him he had $40 to his name and wasw worried about the bills and doesn't know what's paid and what isn't and he had to ask some people for some money to buy dog food and food for himself...blah blah blah...first of all, don't give me that crap, you know the bills get taken care of out of the joint account and I've only been gone 2 weeks. Clearly the lights aren't going to be shut off anytime soon!!
So aggravated. And angry. Angry that he's now actually TRYING to make me feel bad and guilty. He doesn't need to TRY and make me feel bad and guilty, I already feel that. So now I'm mad.
And then I feel bad and guilty for being mad.
Arrrggghhhh...
They tell me there is a wondeful life ahead of me. I wish I could see it.
Bad day. Guess it's becuase it's the first day back to reality for me. I knew it wouldn't be easy.
I messaged him back and told him I'd like to meet for coffee somewhere over the weekend to go through the papers to get the house on the market. I just need this to be over as quickly as possible.
I don't know how I'll make it through some days.
But thanks for being here and thanks for listening everyone!!
Dakota.

Barbara52

Sounds like he's pushing those buttons he know are likely to work on you. And still trying to control too.

Decide not to let that happen and take away that power from him.

denny57

As long as I remained angry with the person instead of my situation, I realized I was trying to control another's actions. I can say to someone "I will be back Monday and we will talk Monday or Tuesday to discuss the next course of action" and not have to justify it or make sure they understood it. It is what it is.

Taking back control of my own life changed everything and made happiness possible.

Hang in there!

justjo

Hi Dakota, for me, once I started getting angry I soon realized it was my tolerance level coming to an end. I had put up with so much crap up until the point I knew I was talking to a brick wall and I was the one getting upset all the time. AS/DS would just hang up, crash out or drink some more and go to sleep. They wouldnt even remember the conversation the day before. That made me angry because I felt they werent hearing me. Why was I wasting my time? I have now stopped any contact with my as due to the fact I was getting really ill and I knew it couldnt go on.
I think its a good sign. Alot would disagree but for me it was telling me enough!

dakota69

Thank you for all the responses. I am really learning SO much each day. And I'm not necessarily getting it all right, but I'm trying and I'm trying to do the best that I can with my situation.
Anger obviously isn't going to solve anything, but I think sometimes it's nice to not feel the guilt and saddness. I get tired of feeling the guilt and the saddness.
AH keeps sending me randome messages every now and then - sometimes its something mean, sometimes it's something all nice and friendly as though we're best friends. I just can't wait for it to be all over and for me to be in a totally new and happy place.

In the meantime, I have told him that I would like to meet for coffee over the weekend to we can get the paperwork for selling the house all signed and I have asked him and the dog to leave the house the following weekend and stay somewhere else so we can have the house on the market without him or the dog there for showings. Hopefully all goes well and smoothly. I can't see him fighting me on any of this, as it's just never typically been him to fight...but the more I see and learn about the stupid booze...I guess I can't really know what to expect. I will remain strong and hope for the best, and know it's all FOR the best in the end.

Thanks!

keepingmyjoy

Hang in there dakota.....I went thru anger, but funny thing is, as I told him I was leaving, I felt a calm I have not had in a while and I actually slept better too! It seems that each step I take closer to my exit brings me comfort and lessens my anger. Hope all goes well this weekend!