8675309

So I called my AH this morning to chat about the house details and his motivation for wanting to sell. To learn if it is a money thing or a concern over his name being on the mortgage. He indicated it was a little of both. Then the conversation went downhill, again. He sounded a little confused so I asked him if he remembered our conversation Friday and he said, yes, you want a divorce. I confirmed that he was correct.

Well anyway, there was more rehashing of why...broken record, more of what I have told him time and time again. This is wearing me out. If he didn't get it the first hundred of times, I don't think he ever will. I'm done repeating myself now.

An hour goes by and I receive a text message saying "please dont do this now, dont understand why now, seems so soon and I havent had a chance in my view. If you have someone else, then just tell me, you are my life". Yeah, that's what I want right now, another man in my life. Like i don't have enough issues with the one I married. URGH! Anyway, I respond "what 6 months isn't long enough for a chance".

I get his drunken response "I don't have a time limit on love and relationships that are everything that matters to me. Am begging you to reconsider".

I just want to scream!!!! This is driving me nuts. Now he is resorting to accusing me of being with someone else and begging. OMG I can't stand it. So I guess you could say that the roller coaster is definately moving on, the weekend was deep sadness and today anger and frustration. I don't want to talk about our relationship to him anymore and wont. I only want to discuss details of the divorce and matters that have something to do with our son. I don't want anymore of his empty promises to cut down or quit drinking. I have had enough.

I met with a realtor today and have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. I do work fast. Mention divorce Friday, and begin moving on Monday.

Once again, thanks for listening.

minnie

I don't know whether you saw my reply on your other thread.

Again, he is making statements, not asking questions. You do not need to respond to statements.

Do what you need to do. This is not about him anymore.

CatsPajamas

I went thru a lot of this too... it seems as though I had repeated myself at least a thousand times and he was just hearing me as though it was the first time. AND the thing about wondering if you've got someone else? I've learned that for A's it is much easier to believe that I would have an affair or leave because of someone else in my life as opposed to believing that I would rather be ALONE than be with him. It was another piece of the addict/alcoholic mind puzzle that I finally understood... that fragile, insecure ego.

You sound like you're doing the right things.... setting boundaries, gathering information, taking actions that are good for you. If you can just remember that the words coming out of his mouth are just "quack quack quack" it will be a bit less painful and frustrating.

Good luck

Cats

embraced2000

did i ever tell you that my xah had these huge, invisible filters on his ears??? he never heard anything unless he could hear a chance "back in"......so, in most cases, i was the one quacking and he wasn't listening at all. unless he would hear a key word that caught his attention, then he would go in for the kill.

amazing for a man that could follow the most intiricate technical instructions for any task from an employer, but couldn't, for the life of him, follow a conversation about the declination of our relationship and the practical things that needed to be done it bring it to an end. he would suddenly become mentally challenged and incredibly stupid.....of course it was all stalling and pretend. after all, he was losing his free meal ticket, and free ticket to reign terror and horror over me with his alcoholic behavior. his playground was being closed down.

GiveLove

I have a dog that listens just as selectively as an alcoholic. When it's something he wants to hear, he has the vocabulary of a human toddler, and responds like lightning. When it's something he isn't interested in, he's suddenly deaf, sitting and staring at me like I'm spewing out white noise from my mouth.

Try to get through this, sweetie. It's what addicts do. He can't believe that he finally has to take responsibility for his actions, for his failure to try. Of COURSE he doesn't put a time limit on love. That's because you're just supposed to be there, forever, no matter what he does, no questions asked. All addicts are the same that way. YOUR needs are irrelevant at this point.

The next stage (ask Lucy) is the "it's all your fault" phase.
He will only drive you mad if you let him. Suggestion? Let your lawyer talk to him about the divorce terms. Stop taking his calls and texts. I hate to see you slipping back down into that blackness when you're making such great progress!

Hugs,
GL

8675309

Well, I'm done with repeating myself. What do they say, saying it once is informing and saying it over and over is trying to control. I am done with that. He will never "hear" that he had anything to do with the demise of this relationship. In fact the most recent text he sent yesterday was an attempt to get me to stop by his place before picking up our son so that he could ask me something I want to hear. I of course told him to ask away because I had no time to stop by his place and he never responded, which is a good thing. I suspect it would be another attempt to make empty promises. But you see, It really doesn't matter because I'm done.

As far as the "its your fault stage", I have read Lucy's post and I get that from him too, just in a differnt form. Such as after our conversation Friday when he left my place of employment in a rage spouting out how much is weight has dropped. My fault that he would rather drink than eat. I am prepared as much as I can be for that.

It's really too bad but I don't think there is any such thing as a peaceful break up with an A.

Not only do I have an appointment with a lawyer today but also I was able to get in with the councelor. I'm hoping today is much better than yesterday. Today is about me and what I need to do.

duet_4-8

Good for you!!! Take the focus off of him and put it onto yourself and your own recovery. He may never "get it". It's not your problem and there is nothing at all you can do to change that. I have been seperated for 9 months after 25 years with my A. My divorce will be final in less than 30 days. It is bittersweet but I am learning to live again...you can, too!!