daisyjen

Just wanted to post an update on my situation. My AH continued to deny his role in all of the pull up stuff. (See my previous post.) I spoke with my son who said his dad DARED the boy to come up to me and that he started it all. I held this in for a while and my AH kept pestering me about why I was so angry with him, why I wouldnt talk to him, etc... So, finally, after a week of staying in a separate bdrm and not talking, we talked. I told him how disrespectful, disgusting, hurtful, etc it was to me and he, of course, minimized, blamed, whatever. Eventually, after an hr or 2 he could tell i was not going to budge. He admitted it wasnt appropriate, (but he didnt start it, never dared them and told them to stop), but that he still found it funny.......grrr. he said he would talk to the boys and tell them to quit it. Fine, that was all i was going to get, better than nothing. Well, last wk, at a bonfire, i walked up to my husband who was with the group of boys. None of them saw me and i heard AH laughing say "you got me in trouble.." and the boy said "but you dared me!!!" I then made my presence known and one guy standing there said "uh oh! youre in trouble now!"

Also, 2 wks ago, I got back from my sons football game and AH was supposed to get our lil one to bed b4 i got home at 10. I get home and he's still up on a school nite, so yea, i am upset but I dont make too much of an issue of it, I just tell lil one to get ready for bed. As he is doing so, AH starts in on our oldest about how he mustve been hurt in the game since he did this wrong, didnt do that.. Oldest gets defensive, tired of this crap and tells him so. AH then claims he was only concerned, that he shouldnt talk back, blah blah. Son knows how he is, can see thru his claims of caring.. I jump in hoping to put out the fire, and tell Ah that it was a "mistake", son thought you were picking on him, let it go... doesnt work.. "ur always sticking up for son, shouldnt let him be so disrespectful" - where did he learn it??... so, I lay down with lil one and I can hear AH running his mouth , stomping thru the house. Eventually, he comes loudly into lil ones rm, turns on the light.. lil . one sits straight up in bed. I am pissed at this point, its 1030. I yell "what are you doing, he was almost asleep!" he says "i couldnt find you, youre being a b*tch again. well guess what? Ive got 2 eight foot holes ready for the 2 of you!" (me and oldest) and slams the door. lil one says "i wont let u go into an 8 ft hole, mommy." Grrr! Im thinking, he cant possibly know what that meant, so i tell him its ok , go to sleep. next am, i wake him for school, he sits straight up and said he had a bad dream, that i was dead.
i think i better get back to a therapist.

hadenoughnow

If my AH said he had graves ready for myself and my child I would take it seriously.

hmbld

I have to agree. Not to mention it has already been stressful enough to cause your youngest nightmares.

I wish I had some helpful advice on how to make him stop. I think we all wish we had that ability. Unfortunately, all you can do (and I know it's been said a million times on here) is take care of yourself. Either leave or force him to leave.

Barbara52

So how long do you want to put your children through all this? Perhaps you aren't ready to change things for yourself. That's fine. But as their mother you have an obligation to take care of them and give them the best life possible. Do you think that is what you are doing?

DesertEyes

Hi there DaisyJen

I'm so sorry that you and your children are going thru this. Nobody deserves to be threatened and abused the way you are enduring.

That sounds like a really good idea. I don't know about your little one, but I do know that when I was a child I completely understood those same kind of threats from my father. I understood them and they destroyed my childhood. You might want to consider taking your kids along with you to the therapist.

You might also want to take a little time to browse thru these posts

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

There is a lot of experience there from other women who have lived thru what you are living today. See if anything there is useful to you.

Mike

daisyjen

I know AH will deny that he said that, just like always or say he was joking... The thing is, our church is soooo proud of him for changing his life around. I will be the wrong one in their eyes. My AH can see this too and uses it to his advantage. He is now very involved in the church, esp with the youth. My pastor asked me to give him a year to see if he changes. That will be up in Jan. I dont want my kids affected even more, but my youngest adores his dad, the middle one is looking forward to hunting season with his dad... I will look for a new counselor, since AH didnt like what the last one was saying. Thanks for your support...

Barbara52

Have you talked frankly with your pastor about the threats and abuse you and the children are getting from your AH? Does he know and still think AH is doing so well and you and the children should stay and be further abused?

Are you going to allow what the rest of the congregation thinks make your decisions when they are presumably not aware of what is going on?