lotsoflove

Hi you all! I am new to this forum I have been up a couple of nights now can't sleep and crying I just feel so helpless.

My AS who is 33 and married has manipulated me into fighting with his wife he called the other day for questions about their hot water heater leaking. I told him to shut the breaker off etc.

Anyway I was so upset as he hasn't been going to work he's been drinking from 4 a.m. till he goes to bed. He hasn't been eating. I talked to his boss and he said AS is about to be fired if he doesn't stop drinking. I guess he called and cried to his boss and his boss just couldn't fire him. But it's close.

My AS has lied and lied and lied to me. Finally he called the other day and said crying of course that he just couldn't go on like this no more and he was gonna end his life. Well I had him hold on and I went to my cell and dialed daughter.

Mind you I live 3000 miles away from AS. I had daughter get police number and I called and told them what is going on and could they do a welfare check on him.
They did and the officer called me back and said he told them he was sad cause his wife's uncle died--That uncle died a year ago. They couldn't do nothing as he is over 21. Then AS wife called and said AS told me never to call again. Then AS called and said he never said not to call-- So I feel like I am the one nuts.

Mind you I don't drink at all. I did call and leave a voice message that don't call me till you get sober I am not living this insanity they live in and I haven't heard a word.

I am having a hard time not calling just to see how he is. I am worried sick neither his wife or him are answering the phone So what can I do?
If he doesn't get help with his A Problem can I go there and have him court commited? Thanks for listening

God Bless you all
lotsoflove:praying

Ivybridge

I know how you feel and just wanted to send you a (((hug)))

Barbara52

Sorry you are having to deal with this, especially long distance. But really what could you do if you were right there? Not much. You can't get someone committed just becasue they are an alcoholic. Heck even if you could, unless your AS wanted to get serious about recovery, it would only be a temporary fix that would likely end as soon as he got out.

I'm sorry to be so negative but there really isn't anything you can do. He is the only one who can bring about change in his life and he has to have the desire to do it.

DesertEyes

Hi there lotsoflove and welcome to SoberRecovery

I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. I can't imagine anything worse than watching a child struggle with addiction. There's a lot you can do for him, but it's not the obvious things that you would normally expect. The first thing is to read thru the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. There's a lot of information there. The next thing is to get your phone book and call the local office of al-anon. They're the experts at dealing with an addiction in a loved one. Ask them where there is a meeting close to you, then go and check out their literature. They have piles of great books and pamphlets, along with people who know what you are feeling because they have lived thru it too.

I found al-anon to be wonderfuly supportive, and they gave me a huge education I could not have found anywhere else.

I'm glad you decided to join us, and welcome again.

Mike

Wascally Wabbit

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I If you can get to an alanon meeting, there are people there who will help you with this. Even tho you are so far away, there are things you can do to stop the insanity. You need this. You need some stress relief.
I hope things get better for you. Do come back often and post. It helps so much.

WantsOut

Hi LotsofLove, I have often speculated that parents and children of alcoholics have it the worst. You can't divorce you parent or your child. You have to learn to live with it - live with knowing there is no action that you can take that will help the situation. As parents we are used to solving problems for our children when they were little, and easing their life transition with the are young adults. But once they are about 25, and certainly when they are 30, they are really out of your hands.

In order to do something I suggest sending a card every couple of weeks - say "I love you" or "I am pulling for you" or "I am thinking of you". That way you get to give some love without putting yourself in emotional harm's way, so to speak.

Your position is very difficult. Come here for support when you need it and know that we understand.

CBrown

LotsofLove ... I am sorry you have an AS and are in agony. My XABF's parents have chosen the path of denial and detachment with their son. It guess it is the only way they can cope with the pain. I approached them about having him involuntarily placed in rehab, and they were initially receptive. They went to visit him and apparently he put on a pretty good show, as they backed out. Who knows, maybe he put on a pair of long pants to hide the bruises and elephant legs.

Anyway, if you want to attempt court action, you will need to find out the state laws concerning this. What state is he a resident in? My XABF is in Florida, which may be the only state that has involuntary treatment. In Florida, it takes three witnesses, a parent, or spouse to sign the papers. I do not know the effectiveness of this action, though. Of course, recovery has to come from the alcoholic. It is debatable whether that desire has to be come before treatment or if the spark can come during treatment. We've all heard the stories of people who go through rehab several times before that spark comes (if at all).

But as long as the A is living, there is hope. Right? Blessings and peace to you.