Custody with an A

Old 10-25-2007, 05:43 PM
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Custody with an A

I have posted before in this forum under "Strange Situation". In a nutshell, I am pregnant with my exAH's baby. We do not live together and are working on reconciliing if and when he can get himself together and stop with the pills and the drinking. He is a weekend binge drinker and is smart enough to do it by himself or just around me so nobody else really is wise to it.

My baby is due in March and if the same pattern we are on now continues we will not be in the same house or reconciled. My question is has anyone ever proven alcoholism in someone for custody reasons? The last thing that I want is when this baby is old enough not having a say in the matter and he takes her for the day or overnight when he is drinking. It will be my word against his and I don't know if that is enough. This has gotten me in a huge panic.

He will flat out lie and say either he quit drinking or he won't do it when the baby is around. He is to the point now where he is trying to hide it from me and says he hasn't had any when I know he has.

I am not trying to take the baby away from him. I would allow supervised visits with her at my house as long as he was sober, but I do not want him to be able to take her. I worry that proving this will be difficult. Any suggestions?
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Old 10-25-2007, 05:53 PM
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Talk to an attorney. Laws vary so much from place to place its hard to say much. Certainly it may be possible to have sole custody with supervized visitation. I would think if you move out before the little one is born that might strengthen your chances.
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:20 PM
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A Law Guardian would need to be appointed for your infant. If breastfeeding, that would somewhat preclude the child from being removed from your direct supervision for prolonged periods of time. Generaly, a few hours at a time. No court would willfully try to remove or restrict a father from his own child.

If it can be proven he has a drinking/drug problem, you need to somehow get documentation of this fact. The court may require him to submit to testing (ala Brittany Spears!). At least that way, you can be assured he isnt under any influences when nurturing his baby.
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:27 PM
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It may depend on the state (or country even) but I know a number of folks in VA and MD who have had strictly supervised visitation for the father (in one case for the mother) when justified. The law acts in the best interest of the child and sometimes that does mean restricting one parent's access to the child.
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Barbara52 View Post
It may depend on the state (or country even) but I know a number of folks in VA and MD who have had strictly supervised visitation for the father (in one case for the mother) when justified. The law acts in the best interest of the child and sometimes that does mean restricting one parent's access to the child.
I'm not trying to refute your post Barbara, but my Ex-wife was hanging around and having sleepovers with our daughter present with a pot smoker (she admitted this fact to me during a reconcilliation period we had). When I requested court mandated drug testing of my Ex-wife, the law guardian informed me that they had since broken up and it was no longer an issue on the table.....
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:41 PM
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I'm not saying its always easy. Lord knows its not. But courts do not automatically give joint custody, do not automatically give liberal visitation. It can be a fight but the fight is worth it no matter how long it takes when it comes to protecting a child.

Startingover's baby isn't even born yet. The situation may be easier if she consults with an attorney now, before the baby is born, especially if she is not living with the father.
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:49 PM
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Originally Posted by stormyautumn View Post
Also she says ex. If they are divorced and she really feels he is a threat to the child she should notput his name on the birth certificate. That way if he wants any rights or visitation he will have to go through the court, which from personal experience addicts usually don't find time for.

That's a sneaky one but good. If his name isn't on the birth certificate, he would have to go thru the time and expense of proving paternity before anything would be decided in terms of visitation.

I don't know how you feel about sneaky Starting over but its worth thinking about anyway. Again an attorney would be the best to give advice on handling all this.
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Old 10-25-2007, 11:12 PM
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Stormyautumn,

That was a wonderful suggestion to not put the father's name on the birth certificate. I wish I had done that! It would have saved me so much heartache. The father should fight for his rights if he wants them. Then, the mother can state her fears and the courts will take that seriously. I finally have gotten "supervised visitation" for my kids, but it took a court case and lots of legal fees to do this. It would have been much simpler to omit his name from the birth certificate! As a mother, you have that right. I don't think it's sneaky. It's so easy for a man to father a child... why should he get his "rights" automatically? He should work for that right. If he's an addict, he won't stand much of a chance of having the child unsupervised.

Last edited by mamaplus2kids; 10-25-2007 at 11:13 PM. Reason: typo
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