Rules at home with extended family
 

Hello I am new to posting and am married to an alcoholic who has agreed to not drink at home in front of me or our two small children. He travels for a living and we are both in therapy currently. He hasn't admitted yet that he has a problem but has for two weeks not drank at home or brought alcohol into our home as he gets "angry" and it is not comfortable to be around him.

My question is to you all.....is it fine that I request that family members not bring alcohol to our house? My Dad is coming in two weeks for a two night visit with my Mom and my Mom is fine with this new rule however my Dad feels it isn't his problem and would like to have a few beers each evening he is here. He says frankly he won't be comfortable in my home and why should he have to suffer. I can hear anxiety in his voice and he has always been a drinker too.

Is it too much that I ask this of my Dad? Two nights....no alcohol? Certainly he can entertain the Marriott down the street if neccessary.

Thanks in advance-I am new to posting and new to addressing this issue with my husband. He hasn't announced to his counselor yet that he has a problem...but is seeking tx on the premise of his anger outburts. I am hopeful that the therapist will pick up on the signs. Not sure.

Christine

Can't they just stay in a hotel. Those are my rules and no one has a problem with them. They have found in studys that having two beers everyday can damage your brain.

Hi there Jane, welcome to SR.

No I don't think you are being unreasonable nor asking too much of your father. It is afterall your home, and if you and your husband have agreed on a new house 'rule' then your father should respect that also.

Good luck with the therapy I hope your husband manages to get the help he needs.

quit inabling them both, tell your therapist what your problems are they aren't mind readers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell dad, my house my rules....how many times did u hear it growing up it is called mutual respect!

Thanks you guys. I feel guilty as my family drinks and so does his however his parents are fine with this new rule. I let me Dad know that and he says to me, "well yes they are fine with the rule as they live here and can go home". My Dad literally has anxiety about not being able to drink.

My parents are out of town guests....so they stay in our house. It is usually a stressful time as we have two small kids and my parents don't get along with my husband....he's been tough on the drink. Now we are making progress.

I think my Dad literally medicates himself while here. His face turns red and it isn't good for him as he is on high blood pressure meds. When I was a kid he drank most nights and usually 4 or more. I am not going to let my kids grow up this way.

hugs.

It's his right not to suffer - suggest he may be more comfortable staying at the hotel.

Alcoholism is not a dirty word - it is a disease. I think you know your father suffers from it, as well as your husband. Have YOU talked to the therapist about it? Because you are also suffering due to it.

Good luck to you and I hope the children do get to grow up in the type of home you want for them.

When M was in one of her short abstinence modes, I told friends and family that my home was an alcohol free home. They can take that news anyway they want as far as I was concerned. If that news didn't sit well with them.... well that wasn't my problem.

I remember once her Father (alcoholic) was visiting and kept a bottle of vodka in the car. He didn't bring it in the house but would sneak hits like a friggen teenager. Sad really.

Come to think of it, there was a lot of weirdness I don't miss.

I have some friends with the same house rule. When their parents are visiting for dinner or are over to see a football game, there is no alcohol present. It's not a problem, as I don't need to drink to have a good time.

If you do not want alcohol in your house because your husband needs the support, tell your parents your house is an alcohol-free zone. Don't apologize, don't waffle, don't feel guilty.

:You_Rock_

There aren't many private homes where they tolerate cigarette smoking any more and nobody complains. How is zero-tolerance for alcohol any different?

Jazzman....the bottle of vodka in the glove compartment was what originally alerted me to the fact that XABF was drinking again. He had to "just get something from the car" all the time.

ARL

I have recently observed a number of empty bottles in our coal scuttle. Our fire has never been so fiery!?!?

Don't feel guilty one bit! It is crucial to you and your husband's recovery that there not be any alcohol in the house for the first 6 months to a year. Doctors told me this at my husband's clinic. Plus it is your house and you have the absolute right to decide what goes on your house. I would tell your father that you love him and would love to have him stay with you as long as he doesn't bring alcohol into your house.

Whew you guys are pals I haven't met. Thanks GOD BUDHA and the world you are out there. I feel better and will not waffle one bit. I do believe my father has a drinking issue also. I need Al-Anon I think.


Hugs.