Well, told him I was leaving w/ little guy....
Keepingmyjoy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Well, told him I was leaving w/ little guy....
Well, I did it. Didn't plan on it, but it came tumbling out. Told him that I could not live w/ his behaviors and did not want little guy to learn to talk to me the way he does when not sober.
He tried the whole, here's what I've been thinking about, how I never really grew up and took responsibility, blah blah blah. Same crap diff day. Said he was tired of walking on eggshells. I wanted to laugh at him-him! on eggshells! hahahahah. He doesn't know what walking on eggshells is. Says he should be able to drink when he wants. I told him he can drink any time he wants, my issue is with his behavior when he drinks and how abusive it is. I asked if he even remembered what he said Wednesday when he came home drunk after work. Said he couldn't. Told him that he told me to "get the "f" out and take little guy with you". So I told him that he has told me that one too many times and now I am getting the "f" out and taking little guy with me. I think he was in shock at first. Then, he got all arrogant and says, "well, Ill miss ya, (hugs me) and I love ya". All I could say through my hurt was, " I don't feel loved".
Then the whole, I am losing my chauffeur hit him. Then got angry. Gets all huffy and puffy and says "Well you are going to have to get me a car and put on your insurance so I can get to work"!!!!!!!!!!!! So before I go, I have to buy HIM a car, and lie to insurance co, so he can drive drunk again!!!!! OMG he really is crazy. Calmly told him that I cannot do that. Stomps off. Comes back, says, then I am taking the new car and you get one. Told him he cannot take the new car, it is in my name and will be taking it with me. (Got car on my credit + sep loan for downpay). Told him I will be taking my debt with me, he will not have to pay for car. Then starts complaining how great is that I will be driving new car and he will drive piece of crap!!!!!!!! I said, I am leaving you the house! The house that I did all the work to get us into and all you had to do is sign the papers, paid my half all along the way...you seem to be getting the better deal here! And if you sell it, I want back what I paid in.
He then starts saying "You are not going to leave me high and dry". I reminded him that I have given him over one years notice that I did not want to drive him (last sept) and he did nothing. Tried to say that he tried...just told him not to bother saying that because we both know he did nothing.
So, this morning he is acting like nothing happened! But, I am on my way out. Looking for apt today. Somehow I will find the money, beg and borrow I am sure, but I am done and overcooked.
Thanks you guys for listening!
He tried the whole, here's what I've been thinking about, how I never really grew up and took responsibility, blah blah blah. Same crap diff day. Said he was tired of walking on eggshells. I wanted to laugh at him-him! on eggshells! hahahahah. He doesn't know what walking on eggshells is. Says he should be able to drink when he wants. I told him he can drink any time he wants, my issue is with his behavior when he drinks and how abusive it is. I asked if he even remembered what he said Wednesday when he came home drunk after work. Said he couldn't. Told him that he told me to "get the "f" out and take little guy with you". So I told him that he has told me that one too many times and now I am getting the "f" out and taking little guy with me. I think he was in shock at first. Then, he got all arrogant and says, "well, Ill miss ya, (hugs me) and I love ya". All I could say through my hurt was, " I don't feel loved".
Then the whole, I am losing my chauffeur hit him. Then got angry. Gets all huffy and puffy and says "Well you are going to have to get me a car and put on your insurance so I can get to work"!!!!!!!!!!!! So before I go, I have to buy HIM a car, and lie to insurance co, so he can drive drunk again!!!!! OMG he really is crazy. Calmly told him that I cannot do that. Stomps off. Comes back, says, then I am taking the new car and you get one. Told him he cannot take the new car, it is in my name and will be taking it with me. (Got car on my credit + sep loan for downpay). Told him I will be taking my debt with me, he will not have to pay for car. Then starts complaining how great is that I will be driving new car and he will drive piece of crap!!!!!!!! I said, I am leaving you the house! The house that I did all the work to get us into and all you had to do is sign the papers, paid my half all along the way...you seem to be getting the better deal here! And if you sell it, I want back what I paid in.
He then starts saying "You are not going to leave me high and dry". I reminded him that I have given him over one years notice that I did not want to drive him (last sept) and he did nothing. Tried to say that he tried...just told him not to bother saying that because we both know he did nothing.
So, this morning he is acting like nothing happened! But, I am on my way out. Looking for apt today. Somehow I will find the money, beg and borrow I am sure, but I am done and overcooked.
Thanks you guys for listening!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Keepingmyjoy,
I'm sitting here in awe at your courage and strength. My gosh, you deserve so much more than that. A partner who loves you, who supports you, who is strong and self-sufficient and pays his way, who would never in a million years say or do anything in front of your little guy like "he" has been doing. You deserve to feel like the loving, supportive person you are, and not be verbally beaten up for it.
You're right. He's going to realize how good he's had it, and he is going to try to make things tough for a while, so he can get his cushy situation back. It's not going to have anything to do with love, even though he'll try real hard to package it that way.
I remember moving out of my house -- which I bought, I paid for -- and into a small apartment. It was hard for a day or two, just the physical changes in my surroundings, etc. But I really came to love that place, that small manageable space, surrounded by my own things, taking full responsibility for ME and ME alone, safe from the abuse of an alcoholic/addict. I still think about it and get all teary. It was what saved me.
I know you will find something that you can manage, and that will be just as healing to you & little guy. Try to be strong, and check in with us often here.
Hugs hugs and more hugs
GL
I'm sitting here in awe at your courage and strength. My gosh, you deserve so much more than that. A partner who loves you, who supports you, who is strong and self-sufficient and pays his way, who would never in a million years say or do anything in front of your little guy like "he" has been doing. You deserve to feel like the loving, supportive person you are, and not be verbally beaten up for it.
You're right. He's going to realize how good he's had it, and he is going to try to make things tough for a while, so he can get his cushy situation back. It's not going to have anything to do with love, even though he'll try real hard to package it that way.
I remember moving out of my house -- which I bought, I paid for -- and into a small apartment. It was hard for a day or two, just the physical changes in my surroundings, etc. But I really came to love that place, that small manageable space, surrounded by my own things, taking full responsibility for ME and ME alone, safe from the abuse of an alcoholic/addict. I still think about it and get all teary. It was what saved me.
I know you will find something that you can manage, and that will be just as healing to you & little guy. Try to be strong, and check in with us often here.
Hugs hugs and more hugs
GL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
I read your story, and thought of The Real Thing by Kenny Loggins:
"I did it for you, and the boys,
Because love should teach you joy,
And not the imitation,
That your mama and daddy tried to show you."
I pray for courage and strength as you do what is right for all of you. I also pray that this is his "bottom" and he embraces recovery. So sad, but you must protect yourself and little guy!
"I did it for you, and the boys,
Because love should teach you joy,
And not the imitation,
That your mama and daddy tried to show you."
I pray for courage and strength as you do what is right for all of you. I also pray that this is his "bottom" and he embraces recovery. So sad, but you must protect yourself and little guy!
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
keepingmyjoy - I am so happy for you. You have such strength, strength I wish I had. I just can't bring myself to lose out on the deal, but it's almost as if I'm selling my soul to the devil. Someday soon, probably real soon, I may just have to do that too. And you are such an inspiration to me. Thank you. Terri
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by keepingmyjoy 
Says he should be able to drink when he wants.
Mine got real angry at first, too. Then came the declarations of undying love and promises to quit. My only advice to you is tune out the words and tune in to the actions.
And congrats on starting a new life for you and your little one.
L
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
First, sorry you're going through his, BTDT myself. And good for you for standing up for yourself and your rights. If he's without a decent car and affordable insurance, I'm guessing it was because of something HE did and not you. You should not suffer those consequences.
Why not have him either sell or refinance the house now? If I didn't get my fair share of equity out of the house now, I would be afraid I would never get it. You talk to a lawyer yet? You would probably hear the same thing.
Originally Posted by keepingmyjoy
And if you sell it, I want back what I paid in.!
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