Taking my life back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
Taking my life back
Yesterday was a bad day after all the mean voice mails left by XABF. Most of today I felt on the verge of tears as I was feeling very out of control of my life.
A poster here suggested that what XABF has been doing is paramount to stalking so I began reading up on stalking and that scared the daylights out of me. Then I opened my email and found an email from XABF using a new return email address which my system didn't know to delete. He wanted to know why blah blah blah so I copy and pasted a schedule of all AA meetings in his area and that was that......end of contact in NO CONTACT.
I unblocked his phone number. Apparently, stalkers only perceive a blocked number as another challenge. According to the experts you get caller ID and send the calls to voice mail saving threatening or abusive messages.
Then I called a women's help line and it felt good to un-burden. They suggested that despite the advice 2.5 months ago about it being useless to get a restraining order, I should now get one. So, tomorrow I will go to the police and start that process.
Reading here keeps me strong and sane. I know that I might have slightly prised up the top of a can of worms by replying to XABF's email with a list of AA meetings but there was no other content from me in the message.
ARL
A poster here suggested that what XABF has been doing is paramount to stalking so I began reading up on stalking and that scared the daylights out of me. Then I opened my email and found an email from XABF using a new return email address which my system didn't know to delete. He wanted to know why blah blah blah so I copy and pasted a schedule of all AA meetings in his area and that was that......end of contact in NO CONTACT.
I unblocked his phone number. Apparently, stalkers only perceive a blocked number as another challenge. According to the experts you get caller ID and send the calls to voice mail saving threatening or abusive messages.
Then I called a women's help line and it felt good to un-burden. They suggested that despite the advice 2.5 months ago about it being useless to get a restraining order, I should now get one. So, tomorrow I will go to the police and start that process.
Reading here keeps me strong and sane. I know that I might have slightly prised up the top of a can of worms by replying to XABF's email with a list of AA meetings but there was no other content from me in the message.
ARL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
BRAVO ARL! Good for you!
May I suggest before you go to the police to request a RO that you take a few moments and 'write down' everything you can think of that he has done...i.e. dates, times, content of voicemail messages (if he called you on your cell phone and you have caller id, show them the incoming calls, if you haven't already deleted them), print out a copy of the last email message he sent that you can't delete, etc. Document everything that you can. You might be surprised at just how much there is you can tell them to support your need for a RO.
As far as not being able to delete his email, have you considered changing your email addy at this point? God only knows what kind of virus(es) he can send to you that would wreak havoc with your computer. Yeah, it's a pain for you, but it sounds like he's pretty computer savy....
Again, I applaud you in your efforts to educate yourself on your options, and for following through!!!
May I suggest before you go to the police to request a RO that you take a few moments and 'write down' everything you can think of that he has done...i.e. dates, times, content of voicemail messages (if he called you on your cell phone and you have caller id, show them the incoming calls, if you haven't already deleted them), print out a copy of the last email message he sent that you can't delete, etc. Document everything that you can. You might be surprised at just how much there is you can tell them to support your need for a RO.
As far as not being able to delete his email, have you considered changing your email addy at this point? God only knows what kind of virus(es) he can send to you that would wreak havoc with your computer. Yeah, it's a pain for you, but it sounds like he's pretty computer savy....
Again, I applaud you in your efforts to educate yourself on your options, and for following through!!!
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
Good for you! Good advice so far and sounds like you are doing all the right things. The stalking laws are so much better now than when I was going through it so you should be able to get an RO much easier than I did. But you must keep a log of everything, dates times etc. You will make it through...he will give up eventually.
Hugs.....
Hugs.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
ARL,
Good for you. A restraining order is a good idea if he just won't take NO CONTACT for an answer. As I mentioned, I had to do the same. Something about finding a shattered framed photo of myself in my own driveway set me off. Dunno why that would upset me so
Make sure he is served with it, and then be a regular bookkeeper about logging every infraction. Keep the voicemails, log whenever you see him, save AND print the emails, everything. I still have the binder of things that i went through, and I take a long hard look at it from time to time whenever I need a reminder of how awful it is to be involved with someone who sees you as an object, not a person.
Hugs,
GL
Good for you. A restraining order is a good idea if he just won't take NO CONTACT for an answer. As I mentioned, I had to do the same. Something about finding a shattered framed photo of myself in my own driveway set me off. Dunno why that would upset me so
Make sure he is served with it, and then be a regular bookkeeper about logging every infraction. Keep the voicemails, log whenever you see him, save AND print the emails, everything. I still have the binder of things that i went through, and I take a long hard look at it from time to time whenever I need a reminder of how awful it is to be involved with someone who sees you as an object, not a person.
Hugs,
GL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Good for you;glad you got some good advice about steps you can take AND that you ARE taking!
The more proof; the better. Great info about the phone,etc. (If he isn't computer savy, I would say let the emails fly....just do not read them,if you like but save them all) Best of luck. I hope he gets bored from your failure to react/engage with him and goes away and leaves you alone...soon!
OT--With people having a hard time getting TRO/RO when they really are being harassed or worse , I really wonder even more how I was served with TWO with my divorce papers, unless they are easier to obtain by a divorce attorney. (mine were "emergency" TRO orders)
The more proof; the better. Great info about the phone,etc. (If he isn't computer savy, I would say let the emails fly....just do not read them,if you like but save them all) Best of luck. I hope he gets bored from your failure to react/engage with him and goes away and leaves you alone...soon!
OT--With people having a hard time getting TRO/RO when they really are being harassed or worse , I really wonder even more how I was served with TWO with my divorce papers, unless they are easier to obtain by a divorce attorney. (mine were "emergency" TRO orders)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
