sad#3

the influence? She's extremely seductive and sexy when she's been drinking and I desire her so much that I can't get upset about the drinking until after we've had our thing.

ICU

Nope, I was 1000% turned off.

It was the 'smell' coming from his pores, his stumbling, fumbling, not able to speak clearly, repeating himself over and over, laughing at his own jokes, his sense of 'entitlement' towards me, his 'superiority' attitude and thinking he was the sexiest man alive and that I should be 'grateful' he chose to be with me that just turned my stomach.

Heck, he couldn't walk by a mirror without flirting with himself.

He 'was' a very attractive man when sober. But the light, love and laughter in eyes were gone and replaced with almost a demonic look. His whole expression changed and it was downright frightening.

There was NOTHING sexy or seductive about him when he was under the influence.

WhatAboutME

When my STBXAH (it feels sooooo good to type that!) was drunk, I would get chills up and down my spine...................in complete disgust! That unmistakeable fruity smell of alcohol on his breath, that "deer in headlights" glazed-over look in his eyes, the fact that he stopped showering and just plain smelled bad, etc. So much to miss......NOT!

hadenoughnow

my AH is annoying (and impotent) when under the influence, add-in the smell of beer =huge turn off

miss communicat

just like I, as a recovering alcoholic need to "think the drink through", it might help you to "think it (the sex while she's drunk) through to the end"...

in other words, as a recovering alcoholiic, I DO understand the powerful seductiveness and attraction that "a" glass of wine holds for me. It has a certain "power" over my good judgement. I start to believe that I can have a glass of wine, that it would be so satisfying and delicious...and, I can transfer that line of thought and those feelings to any number of triggers besides alcohol.

For example, as a recovering co-dependent, certain behaviors in others can appear very seductive to me, and will set off a chemical and hormonal response within me that I mistake for love. I need to "think it through" before becoming re-involved with those behaviors.

Its not that seduction and allure are inherently bad, but it may be that I have allowed, or "used" ("used", as in using a substance)the emotion as my form of high.

If the emotional price is too high to pay in the long run, then I have found it a self-damaging or toxic cycle that I've needed to break in order to get more healthy.

It takes some shifts in perspective, but today I can say, the effort has paid off. I no longer have mixed feelings in relationships.

Good luck to you. Keep posting to share with us how you're doing.

CBrown

Wow, well put!
My XABF would say "How does it feel to know that you're my last b*tch?" (oooo, some honor) He would walk past mirrors and say "I look GOOD!" (yeah you are 50 and look like you're 70) And I know that demonic look that can come in less than a second. Jekkyl/Hyde.

But that's now. 5-10 years ago my XABF was HOT I tell you. I didn't see him much, but when I did, it was nuclear meltdown. He wasn't at that stumbling idiot stage yet, just "let's get drunk and have fun." So I understand, Sad, where you're coming from. Problem is, it will get to the disgusting stage before you know it.

Mr. Christian

You know I never found the slobbering drunk very sexy. The smell of the booze, the slurring or even not holding her own water.
Yep makes me want to find another it does, yep can’t wait.

tollbooth

My XAGF ruined more romantic opportunities while drunk, then she has enhanced them. Usually she would "hit the wall" and have to go to sleep at 10 o'clock on a Saturday night. Fun, wow.

SaTiT

In my drinking years, i did.
But with the madness and chaos that occured over the years.
I don't know... something clicked or changes inside of me.
I find it difficult to hop into bed with the green eyes slobbering monster.
As an ex-drinker..I get that same effect as ex-smokers.
The smell of it makes me wanna puke.
And for some strange reason..I felt like I would be doing it alone
or a tool at the very least.

I don't know, maybe I'm wierd but there's a certain amount of
trust, openess and pure about love making. Maybe I'm too romatic
and think of it like two souls connecting and expressing that love
in the eyes of god...Obvilousely I can't get there , if my partner is
not there. So to me, it's like I'm doing it with alcohol if my partner is drunk.

MsGolightly

god, no. i was probably the least attracted to her drunk than i ever was to anyone else, drunk or sober! to me, it was sad and disgusting. i could never (and would never want to be the kind of person who could) find her attractive.

sad doesn't equal attractive to me.

denny57

No.

parentrecovers

nope. hugs...k

daisies

No, in fact I asked my AH to tell me the last time he initiated "it" when he wasnt under the influence. Guess what, he couldnt think of a single time. That is sad indeed. That my friends is NOT making LOVE. That is a sickness.

guyinNC

My X's sex drive went into high when she was drinking. A good thing for a Man??? No.........to me it was sad and terrifing. The sickly sweet smell, she was getting thinner and thinner, losing muscle mass. She went off the pill....the fear of pregnacy and fetal alcohol syndrome if she got pregnant made me stay away. This maybe even helped lead to her affair.

Its a nightmare............love is more than sex.

embraced2000

yechhh!!!! no. nuh-uhh. never. only if i was drunk with him, i reckon. which lasted for two weeks until i figured it out.

beautiful sight i bet....two drunks thinking they were super lovers......it makes me want to upchuck now, thinking about it.

no. no. no. no. no.

GiveLove

No. I don't find out-of-control drunks sexy. Makes me want to puke, actually.

LaTeeDa

I guess it depends on what you find seductive. For me, it's someone who is there with me. Someone who cares about my needs as much as their own. Someone who is open and vulnerable and willing to be honest about how they feel. Someone who can not only soar to the heights of passion with me, but revel in the afterglow and have a touching and intimate conversation. I never got that with a drunk.

L

Janitw

My XAH never had any problems performing while drunk but I have to say that I hated every minute of it.....the sloppy kisses which I never could stand and ..... I don't know I guess I just felt like it was sex and that was it. Not love at all. It lasted about a nano second and then it was over. Which was fine with me actually. I came to look at it as a chore that had to be done and it wasn't gonna be fun. I had wished many times that he would have been the kind that just couldn't perform while drunk but no chance of that.....

prodigal

When I was drinking with AH (and his disease hadn't progressed as far), I could go for it. But as time went on and I realized there was no emotional intimacy, no sense of anything more profound than boozing and sexing .... ugh.

It will be seared in my memory forever ... seeing AH barge into the bedroom, completely trashed, with those glazed-over eyes ... staggering towards me and making a grab. Ugh.

As Denny so succinctly put it, "NO."

keepingmyjoy

I so totally agree with you Prodigal. Mine used to say the exact same vulgar things...same exact words, every time....can't even try to say them here, the moderators would delete my post!!!! But it got that bad, plus that fact that there was no performance on his side and of course I was supposed to make that work too! Ick...no thank you!