guineapigjude

For me (and I'm still working on it ... )
1. Set clear boundaries on what is and isn't acceptable. (This is especially important when you have kids.)
2. Having a plan of action if the boundaries aren't respected.
3. Let XAH be reponsible for his feelings.
4. Be responsible for my own feelings.
5. Establish all boundaries for for legitimate reasons, not revenge.
6. Remember I am not his mother.
7. Remember I am not his victim.
8. Remember he is a human being, that our HP loves us both, and give him over to our HP.

aGrandma

I still have not tried al-anon but I know i should. I keep hoping things will get better. My AH and I have been together since we were kids, married 30 years now. When he is drinking he is not mean, he's very nice to me. I sort-of feel like he's trying to butter me up so I won't leave him. He depends totally on me. He keeps reminding me what a wonderful family we have together, etc. But he's a mess and he's sick all the time and I think he's depressed too but he won't admit that to the doctor. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

tollbooth

Again, my sincere heartfelt thanks to all who have replied to my post. I didnt reply to the responses, it was more of a sit-and-listen one for me. Just wanted to let all know I am reading and listening, I am a newbie to the forums and alanon, and have learned tons from you that have walked the walk.