sojourner

Just have to post this one so I don't isolate and cave (I know from experience I can cave quickly if I feel scared enough).


21 YO AS has very recently lost his cell phone due to lack of payment. It seems to me that, with an addict, when everything else has been lost, the cell phone remains. While I thank God that things are as they should be, I also feel like i need to take some time and brace myself, think happy thoughts (remember Wendy?), and remember all those one-liners that recovering addicts put out there for us family members (they found their way to addiction, they gotta find their way out, etc...).

I know that losing a cell phone is pretty minuscule compared to some of the other things other family members are going through, but i also know that the rollercoaster ride has started and where it goes nobody knows.....

Sue

Barbara52

When you talk about caving, is it that you think you might pay for the cell phone? If that's the case, don't. But you seem to already know that.

sojourner

The caving I'm referring to is what I did about a year ago - I allowed my son to move back home when he was living in his car instead of standing strong in my loving conviction that he needed to go to a treatment center or continue living the way he was but that he could not live in my home.

I've seen "little" steps spiraling downward for him along the way since I asked him to leave 7 months ago (which I have been expecting to happen) - first his license was suspended for non-payment of tickets, then his car broke down, then he started riding a bicycle to work (40-minute ride one-way), and now the cell phone is gone. These are only the things I know about (he does not live here, and I don't have a lot of contact with him). But I have been standing strong with the loving message that I cannot give him (or loan him) money to fix his car (but I can help him find help for his drug/drinking problem). But I know I'm only human, and when he puts his life in danger (living in a car in Michigan winters), I know I have to stay strong with this same loving message.

Because I caved last winter when the freeze set in, I just have a feeling I'm going to be faced with a similar situation.... and I know that for his sake, I cannot "cave" and let him come home here....

Sue

Barbara52

**{Sue}}

You and your son have my prayers.

Spiritual Seeker

Another mom sending greetings. I know your struggle well. My 23 yrs. son has been home and his situation is declining. I am so happy to get reacquainted after 5 yrs of estrangement. But on the other hand he is not seeking recovery or even going to mtgs. He is going to a therapist so I will give it some time. Once they're addicts they just don't live life the way we do or in a way that produces a positive future. Their thinking is not mature. It is sad to witness. We just do what we are comfortable with at any given time.

sojourner

"Don't make someone your priority when all you are to them is an option."

Very wise. In active addiction, everything and everyone is only an option.