Resentments & Forgiveness ~Courage to Change Oct 15
 

Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 10/15

The most loving form of detachment I have found has been forgiveness. Instead of thinking of it as an eraser to wipe another’s slate clean or a gavel that I pound to pronounce someone “not guilty”, I think of forgiveness as a scissors. I use it to cut the strings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt. By releasing resentment, I set myself free.

When I am consumed with negativity over another person’s behavior, I have lost my focus. I needn’t tolerate what I consider unacceptable, but wallowing in negativity will not alter the situation. If there is action to take, I am free to take it. Where I am powerless to change the situation, I will turn it over to my Higher Power. By truly letting go, I detach and forgive.

When my thoughts are full of bitterness, fear, self-pity, and dreams of revenge, there is little room for love or for the quiet voice of guidance within me. I am willing to love myself enough to admit that resentments hold me back, and then I can let them go.

Today’s Reminder:

Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someone’s neck, I am really only choking myself. Today I will practice forgiveness instead.

“A part of me wants to cling to old resentments, but I know that the more I forgive, the better my life works.” – In All Our Affairs

I am so into negativity and just about giving up where my current situation is at with abf. I still have a lot of negative thoughts and hatred towards xah also.....geez, need lots of work, lots MORE work. Seems I should be better by now......

There was a time in my life when I was VERY resentful... and I was resentful for so many things! I resented that HIS problem affected MY life. I resented that I had to do so much work at those times he was incapable of doing it. I resented my mother for raising me to be a classic codependent. The list goes on and on.

When I first got to Al Anon, I was in SO much pain that all I could do was cry. Every once in awhile, a really good snippet of recovery got thru to me. One of the first that I remember was this:

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

With the help of my sponsor, I learned that resentments and forgiveness have nothing to do with "them" and everything to do with me. As long as I harbor a resentment towards someone, I am giving that person power over me and my life. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what that person did to me was OK... it means that I am letting go of the resentment AND the cause of it so that I can regain my peace, serenity and power. I make a decision that the person/situation is no longer entitled to occupy so much of my brain space...

I still get angry when someone, including AH, treats me unfairly. What has changed is I move on from it pretty quickly. I love my life today so I don't have much room for resentments that drag on. I can definitely see a link between how unhappy I was with how much and how many resentments I had.

i just can't keep up anymore - everytime i catchup reading i don't have time to post - this is a good quote regarding resentment that came from my favorite meeting - *unrealistic expectations are like premeditated resentment*...

have a great day all...

love,
s